Waiting for Salvation
by Likhoradka
Summary: AU - Dean is a fallen angel trying to atone for his past. Destiel.
1. Chapter 1

AN: So it's been about ten years since I last wrote anything that wasn't an essay. When you get to the dialogue, it's mostly taken straight from the episode (4x01) with the odd tweak here and there. This is mostly background and prologue. Links for the images that go with this are posted in my profile.

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His brother was so wonderful, so beautiful! He loved him with all his being and hung on to his every word. Wherever Lucifer went, Seraphiel followed without question. When Lucifer was cast from Heaven, Seraphiel followed, lost and uncertain.

Seraphiel had tried to follow Lucifer to Hell, but his brother pushed him out, kept him away with a legion of demons. When he tried to return to Heaven, the other angels punished him, marked him as a traitor by destroying his beautiful wings. Once white and shining with the light of the Morning Star, now they were stained red by his own blood. He could not understand. Why did his Father make him this way? He was so completely devoted to his brother. Of course he would support him. Were his fellow angels that blind? Was he the one at fault for being made like this? No matter how much he screamed and begged, his Father would not answer.

At first, he was angry and spiteful. He led the virtuous astray, trying to get a reaction from his Father. He started wars between peaceful peoples. He showed so many humans how to summon a crossroads demon, that the demons were overwhelmed and had to reorganize. But it was all for naught. His Father remained silent.

Seraphiel sulked for hundreds of years. Then he heard the whispers. Whispers of the apocalypse. Events were lining up. The right bloodlines were being brought together. Any generation now, two brothers would be born.

Mary Winchester's first born would have been Michael's true vessel, had there been no complications during childbirth. Seraphiel had been watching and seized his chance, taking the now empty vessel. He was demon enough to not need permission and close enough to Lucifer to hitch a ride on the bloodline with no ill-effect. In silence, Seraphiel slipped in and became Dean Winchester. John and Mary Winchester's miracle baby.

Only in Heaven had he felt so much love. This human that became his mother gave him a new purpose. He was going to end the bloodline, ruin Michael and Lucifer's showdown. But now, he wanted nothing more than to make Mary happy. He became her perfect little boy. When Samuel was born, he promised to protect his little brother and keep him safe. Mary was taken aback by the ancient and solemn look in his eyes.

Then Azazel took Mary from him. And it was on that day that Dean Winchester knew he had to keep Sam on the right track.

As John Winchester learned more of the supernatural, Dean had to become more careful. He had to control the rate in which he healed. He had to sleep now. He used to get away with staying up all night reading, but now John would awaken at the slightest hint of a noise. But it didn't matter. He could adjust. He had a family. He had people to protect. He was happy.

John would go hunting on his own. Dean knew what he was hunting for. Information, leads, anything on the Yellow-Eyed Demon. How easy would it be for him to tell John everything he knew? But he couldn't. He was in it for the long haul. He had to be a good son, unlike before. Then Sam left.

He heard the rumors from some of his demon contacts. His Grace was far too contaminated for them to recognize him for what he truly was, and a few well-learned tricks over the years had ensured any new encounters saw him as human.

Azazel was going to make a move on Sam, damage and corrupt him, manipulate him into Lucifer's perfect vessel. It all centered on Sam's girlfriend. The date was coming up. How could he protect Sam? It would be suspicious if he suddenly popped up and killed off every demon on campus.

And then John found a lead. Dean called in a couple favors to get the lead to go further and keep John occupied but safe enough that he wouldn't have to worry too much. It was then that he went to his brother. If he could get Sam away long enough, if he could time it just right, then Sam would think the love of his life had died in a simple, accidental fire. No demons, just human error.

But he was too late. Or rather, too early. Maybe he should have tried saving Jess, instead of focusing on Sam. But Sam was with him now. He could keep an eye on Sam. Keep him on the right path. Make certain that he made the right choice in the end. It did not help that Sam was a constant reminder of the brother he once knew. Lucifer, brave and beautiful, so loving, and always questioning Father.

Things happened. Mistakes were made. Then Dean made a Deal. And he paid dearly. Alastair was so eager to get his hands on Seraphiel, the broken angel stuck in a human vessel. He had been forced to retain his human form in Hell, only his wings showing as a reminder of what he truly was. Not once did Alastair cut into Seraphiel's wings. Seraphiel wished he would. He wished his torturer would rip them clean out, remove the reminder of how far he'd fallen and how he could never make up for it. And then he broke. He'd already fallen so far. What was wrong with going a little further? He gave in and took up the knife. Torturing souls came easily. He had a natural talent, as Alastair was quick to point out. After the first few souls that looked at him in hope of being rescued by an angel, then in such anguish and betrayal when he started on their flesh, he couldn't take it. So, he took to hiding his wings.

He wasn't expecting it when it happened. A no account angel swooped in and grabbed him. Why was he being dragged from Hell? Would he face an even worse punishment? Had his Father finally had enough of him interfering with 'The Plan?' He struggled hard, but the lowly angel held tight.

And then he was back. In the body he had claimed. He was once again Dean Winchester. He was in a coffin. He was in a coffin, buried under six feet of dirt that made him wish he was back in Hell. He had to dig his way out. He was so exhausted from fighting against that stupid angel that he could not fly out. Then that pesky angel tried to speak to him, but with his Grace so corrupted from his recent stint in Hell, he could only hear through human ears.

He felt the angel leave. If he was back, and apparently not on God's immediate shit list, he should check on Sam. And he found him. With a demon. Sam was smart, but Sam was an idiot. Dean could see manipulation like that a mile away. He should know, he'd done it plenty in the beginning. He declared it as his teenaged rebellious years. According to humans, it was normal. His Father would surely forgive him for it.

He wanted things to go back to the way they were. Just hunt and kill and keep Sam out of trouble. But everyone else seemed so interested in knowing how and why Dean was suddenly back. He knew how he was back, but he couldn't say a single word of it. He had to act like he was interested, too. Stupid whiny angels and stupid stubborn psychics. Why couldn't anyone just leave well enough alone?

So why shouldn't he summon stupid Castiel? Sure, he had no way of killing him at that moment, but he could certainly hurt him. A little. Not very much. He just really needed to take his aggression out on someone, and the low ranking angel that marked him would do nicely.

And, like clockwork, Castiel showed with flashing lights and fully extended wings. Dean's breath caught at the sight. Castiel's wings had been singed and damaged from the journey to and from Hell. They were the color of the night sky and shimmered with hints of deep violet and green. They certainly seemed to be healing quite nicely.

Dean suddenly felt very self-conscious of his own tattered wings, so he kept them well hidden. How did a lowly soldier end up with such beautiful wings? It made him so angry and jealous. He lashed out the only way he could. He lashed out like a human. Bullets did nothing, but he didn't care. He wasn't thinking straight.

He said the first thing that came to mind. 'Who are you?'

'I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition,' was Castiel's almost smug answer.

It only made Dean angrier. 'Yeah? Thanks for that,' he replied as his hand tightened around the knife he had hidden behind his back. He stabbed Castiel, hoping at least a little pain would get through. Castiel didn't even blink, and Dean's heart sank. He was Seraphiel. He used to be the highest ranking of the Seraphim. He used to be beautiful and loved. He was no match for the low ranking soldier that stood before him.

He looked to Bobby, stricken and hoping Bobby wouldn't make any stupid moves. He was grateful that Castiel had a cooler head than he did. Bobby fell to the ground, unconscious.

'We need to talk, Dean,' said Castiel. 'Alone.'

Dean stared at him a good while before choosing to ignore him in favor of Bobby. Once he was certain of Bobby's wellbeing, he turned his attention on Castiel.

'Your friend's alive,' Castiel said.

It was as if he had no idea who Dean was. 'Who are you?' he asked.

'Castiel.'

Dean's irritation flared. 'I know who you are. I mean, why you? Why were you sent to drag my sorry ass outta Hell?'

Castiel tilted his head in confusion. 'I'm an angel of the Lord,' he replied.

Dean glared at him. 'Some angel you are. You burned out that poor woman's eyes.' He really had no place to be criticizing Castiel, and he knew it. He had done far worse.

'I warned her not to spy on my true form,' Castiel said, almost defensively. 'I can be...overwhelming to humans. And so can my real voice, but you already knew that.'

Dean licked his lips. It appeared that Castiel really didn't know. How should he go about this? Play the dumb human? Boast of what he used to be? No, he had one question that needed answering, and he needed it now. 'Why? Why did you rescue me from Hell?'

'Good things do happen, Dean.'

Dean recalled all the events leading up to his present situation. 'Not in my experience,' he said bitterly.

'What's the matter?' asked Castiel, truly confused. He looked into Dean and saw the barest of thoughts below the surface. 'You don't think you deserve to be saved.'

Dean hated that he couldn't keep this lowly angel out of his head. Had he really become this powerless? 'Why'd you do it?'

'Because God commanded it,' replied Castiel. 'Because we have work for you.'

And then, Dean snapped.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Oh, my. Thank you so much for the favorites and alerts! There is a little switching back and forth for how Dean is referred to. I tried to keep it as Seraphiel referring to who he used to be, and Dean being who he is now. Repeated, paraphrased, and tweaked dialogue is from 4x02.

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Dean snapped. God _commanded_ it? _Work_ for him? In his anger, he lost what little control he had. His wings spread out behind him. It would have been impressive and intimidating, but his wingspan was now barely half of what it used to be. Feathers were out of place and whole sections were missing. What was once a graceful display of six wings was now a grotesque and angry, red mess.

'Oh, God _commanded_ it, did he?!' screamed Dean. He stepped forward as Castiel backed away. 'So tell me, did good ol' Dad say anything else? He obviously didn't tell you just whose ass you were dragging outta Hell.'

Castiel's eyes flicked from Dean's angry expression to the tattered wings. Surely his Father knew of this. He had heard the rumors of the Fallen angel that had tried to come back, but was beaten by his kin and shunned for his efforts. 'You are...Seraphiel?'

Dean let his wings return to a more relaxed position. He huffed in annoyance at his inability to keep them extended for long periods. Unfortunately, Castiel took it as a sign that Dean had calmed down.

Castiel approached Dean and let his hand rest near his mark—Castiel loathed to admit it, but he had a bad habit of signing his work, and he was quite proud of the job he did in restoring Dean's body.

Dean tensed under Castiel's touch. He could feel the purity of the younger angel touch his corrupted Grace.

'Seraphiel, brother, Father has chosen you,' said Castiel. 'If you do as He asks, you should be allowed to come home.'

Dean punched Castiel. It was more from the shock, than from the strength, that sent Castiel stumbling back. 'Don't you _ever_ touch me. And don't you ever call me by my name. Especially in front of Sam,' Dean said threateningly. 'If Father _really_ wants me to do what He wants, then He can come down here and ask me Himself.'

'You do not wish to return?' Castiel asked, confused.

Dean let out a frustrated growl. 'Of course I want to go back. But on _my_ terms! I don't want some nerdy middleman telling me what to do! _He_ can take me back. He can punish me all He wants, however He wants. He can destroy my existence, but it has to be Him,' explained Dean. He searched Castiel's eyes and tried to use what little power he currently had to see if Castiel understood.

Castiel allowed the pleading tug for information in. He almost regretted it. Dean's Grace was a strange mix of angelic, demonic, and human essence. There was so much hatred and self-loathing, but also the potential for so much love. Perhaps Castiel could nurture this love and help Dean back on the path of righteousness. Then, suddenly, the connection was lost, and Dean's expression was of a furious anger.

'Just because it goes both ways, doesn't give you permission to look,' Dean all but growled. 'And for the record, you're little plan won't work.'

Dean turned from Castiel and stooped to retrieve Bobby. He paused and looked back at Castiel. 'You're not going to say anything, are you?' he asked, hoping he didn't sound as worried as he felt.

At Castiel's confused look, Dean elaborated. 'To them, my friends. To Sam. I really don't wanna have to explain why Sam's brother isn't his brother.'

'He'll find out eventually.'

'It doesn't have to be today.'

Castiel watched as Dean lifted Bobby off the floor. The care and tenderness he saw in Dean at that moment gave him hope for his lost brother. He really shouldn't, but he made up his mind. 'I won't tell. Anyone. Not even the other angels,' he said.

Dean let out a shaky breath. 'Don't expect me to return any favors.'

Castiel tilted his head, listening to something Dean could not hear. 'I'm needed elsewhere,' he said before vanishing.

Dean glared at the space Castiel had just vacated. He had a feeling things were only going to get worse if God had really recruited him for whatever job. He adjusted his hold on Bobby and started his way to the barn's entrance. He desperately needed some rest. Especially if he was going to try to eaves drop on Angel Radio.

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Sam watched his brother pace back and forth. 'This is good news, right? I mean, angels are real. They're a lot nicer than anything we've dealt with so far.'

Dean stopped in his tracks and rounded on Sam. 'Angels are assholes. A whole mess of dicks lounging about in Heaven, taking orders, and absolutely no ability to think for themselves. And don't think for one _second _that they give a shit about humans. That's what angels are, Sammy. Not. Nice.'

Sam flinched at the harshness in Dean's voice and posture. What could Castiel have said or done to make such an impression on Dean? 'Well, then... How about God? If they're taking orders from "on high," then you must be pretty important for them to get you out of Hell.'

Dean rolled his eyes. 'Me. _I'm_ important to _God_. Right. So, why me?' he asked. 'I may have rescued a few people, and that probably makes up for smaller things like stealing and ditchin' chicks, but not everything.'

Sam let out a frustrated sigh. Dean was starting up on the whole 'I'm not worthy' track again. 'Look, you're obviously important to someone up there,' he said, 'so how about we not dwell on why_ you_, and we focus on the _reason_ for why you were brought back.'

Sam brought up a good point. Dean may not be able to figure out why he, specifically, was brought back, but at least they could figure out why. But it didn't stop him from wondering. Why him and not some other angel? Did they need someone more demonic and not as pure? He knew God just adored His human creations, so maybe He needed an angel that had grown to actually like humans? Was it because of his vessel?

Dean rubbed at his face in irritation. Maybe there was something written somewhere on angels. Maybe, by some stroke of luck, another hunter had stumbled across something. Things would be a lot easier if he could just carve a few sigils into the walls of Bobby's home, but how would he explain where he learned them? So, it was back to relying on humans and dumb luck. 'Fine. What do we know about angels,' he said in resignation.

Bobby dropped a pile of heavy tomes in the center of his desk. 'Start readin'.'

Dean glared at the pile, then at Sam. 'You're gonna get me some pie,' he said and grabbed the small booklet from the top.

.-.-.-.-.

The research was slow going, just like Dean thought it would be. Bobby made some calls, sounding more agitated with each passing minute. Dean flipped through the books, knowing already that he wouldn't find anything. His power was slowly returning, and he could feel something just wasn't right. It wasn't the angels, the energy fluctuations he was feeling were much darker and fresher, but he couldn't place what it was.

Bobby decided something was wrong and that they needed to check on this Olivia he'd been trying to get a hold of. The moment they entered the room and Dean saw the body, he knew what had happened. He was extremely glad when he saw the EMF meter sitting out. That would at least get them close to the right path.

As they checked on the other hunters, Dean knew it would only be a matter of time before they would run into their own Witnesses. What a time to be low on the mojo.

And sure enough, it happened. Dean felt it when Henrickson showed up. He was just in time to save Sam, and they quickly made their way to Bobby's.

He could feel the Witness that was after him beginning to manifest, so he sent Sam to search outside as he went upstairs. There, he encountered Meg. He was a little relieved. The spell was tied to Dean Winchester's body, not Seraphiel.

He let her rough him up, and the moment Meg grabbed him, Dean replaced the worried look on his face with a feral grin. 'Oh, Sweetheart, did you ever pick the wrong guy.' His hand shot out into Meg's chest and she let out a shocked scream. A wave of red and black energy pulsed from Dean's hand and Meg quickly deteriorated. Dean stood up as he inspected his hand with a satisfied smirk. 'Thanks for the recharge,' he said. This was probably the best thing that had happened to him since he got back from Hell. He felt great.

As he headed back to the stairs, he wondered if the spell would make Meg rematerialize or if he should just claim that he saw Henrickson. He decided to play it safe and stick with Henrickson. If Meg wanted to rejoin the party, then good for her.

Once reunited and hiding out in Bobby's panic room, Bobby finally figured out what they were up against. Dean knew there was a reason he liked Bobby. Bobby was a good hunter, and the only real problem Dean had with good hunters was that he had to be extra careful.

What Dean wasn't expecting was for Bobby to declare the Rising of the Witnesses as a sign of the Apocalypse. Then he remembered. It was one of the sixty-six seals. What was the first? What were the others? The seals were placed after he'd Fallen. Higher up demons would probably know. The angels would definitely know. He would have to remember to confront Castiel later.

Fortunately, Bobby's book had a spell for putting the Witnesses to rest. Unfortunately, that required leaving the panic room. As they left, they were confronted by Ronald. Well, it looked like Meg had a replacement.

Dean wouldn't admit it aloud, but he loved this. The energy in the air during a hunt was exquisite. When the door to the kitchen slid shut, he felt like Christmas had come early. Maybe he'd have a little fun with this one. Enjoy the look on its face when he stole its energy. It was going perfectly. Henrickson had stuck his hand in Dean's chest, but Sam showed up and ruined it. So of course he wasn't all right. He was just about suck in Henrickson when all he felt was void. He was looking forward to that extra boost.

It was back in the main room that Dean saw just how much more powerful the Witnesses were compared to the average ghost. Even Meg had come back. No wonder Dean felt almost completely up to speed. He thought the game might be up when Meg made eye contact with him, but didn't come closer. Through the confusion, he didn't feel when she appeared behind Bobby. He may or may not have extended a little of his power to keep the bowl from falling too quickly and tipping out.

Later that night, as he lay on the floor running through the events of that day and what they meant, he felt himself being drawn inward. Well, this was new. He'd never had company in his vessel's dreamscape. He stood and approached Castiel.

'Excellent job with the Witnesses,' said Castiel.

'Yeah, thanks for the help,' Dean replied, sarcastically. 'And the warning. Very nice.'

'You were not in need of my assistance, Ser—Dean. We had larger concerns.'

'Let me guess, other seals being broken,' said Dean.

'Yes. By Lilith,' said Castiel. 'Twenty other hunters are dead.'

'Figures. Pick victims the hunters couldn't save, so they would barrel right after us. Well, we put them back to rest.'

'It doesn't matter, the seal was broken.'

'I know. I can feel it,' said Dean, he paused, not wanting to admit his lack of knowledge. 'Look, I know there are sixty-six seals, but what are they to? What happens when they're all broken?'

Castiel looked at Dean, slightly impressed. 'You can feel it? How did you restore your power?'

Dean stiffened at the question. Stealing another entity's power wasn't exactly angelic. 'It doesn't matter. What happens when the seals are broken?'

Castiel frowned at Dean and tilted his head. 'You went after a Witness.'

'Hey, she started it,' Dean said defensively. 'It doesn't matter anymore. What's done is done. Now, what happens when the seals are broken?!'

Castiel looked away from Dean in disappointment. He wasn't certain if he should tell Dean. After all, Seraphiel Fell for Lucifer once. Who was to say he wouldn't run to Lilith and assist her in breaking the rest of the seals? But if that was the case, then why did his Father have Dean rescued? Perhaps it was a test of Seraphiel's loyalty, to see if he was worth saving. He wanted to trust Dean, he really did.

'Lucifer walks free,' Castiel replied.

'Lucifer,' repeated Dean.

Castiel felt a pang of apprehension at the note of longing in Dean's voice. Perhaps he shouldn't have said anything. It was too late now.

Dean closed his eyes and breathed deeply. What should he do? Help the Father that abandoned him? Help the family that beat and shunned him? Help the brother that ignored him and pushed him away?

'So that's why you're here. To stop Lucifer,' said Dean. 'Well, bang-up job so far. Stellar work with the Witnesses. That's nice.' He knew he was hitting low, but surely Heaven could have spared one measly angel to at least warn a handful of hunters.

'We tried,' Castiel replied tightly. He wondered if Seraphiel had always been like this. He couldn't ask any of his brothers or sisters for fear of arousing suspicion, and he'd promised Dean that he wouldn't tell the other angels of Seraphiel's presence. 'There are other battles, other seals,' he said, trying to reason with Dean. 'Some we'll win, some we'll lose. This one, we lost.'

Dean let out an annoyed huff, and Castiel felt a flair of anger.

'Our numbers are not unlimited. Six of our brothers died in the field this week. You think the armies of Heaven should just follow you around like they used to?' Castiel asked as he drew closer to Dean.

Dean allowed his wings to show and extended them slightly in a sign of warning. It came naturally to him. Back in Heaven, he would never let a lower angel speak to him like this. Back in Heaven, he had the power to back up his threats. He was certain he could out-fight Castiel, but without his blade, he wouldn't be able to do much lasting damage. And Castiel knew this.

Castiel wanted so desperately to save his fallen brother, but Seraphiel was so frustrating to even be around. Never before had Castiel felt what he could only describe as true and unfiltered emotion. It was wonderful and awful at the same time. None of the other angels made him feel this way. With just two visits, he was already addicted and didn't even know it. But right now, he was feeling frustrated and angry with Dean's stubbornness.

'You should show me some respect,' Castiel said, just a hint of warning in his voice. 'I dragged you out of Hell. I can throw you back in.'

And with that, Castiel was gone, and Dean was alone. He awoke to find Sam getting ready for the day. He wondered how he should break the news of Lucifer to Sam.

He sat up and rubbed his face.

'You all right?' Sam asked. 'What's wrong, Dean?'

Dean looked up at Sam. He made up his mind. He would help the brother that loved him. 'So, God and angels... How do you feel about the Devil?'


	3. Chapter 3

AN: A big thank you to my readers. I hope I can live up to your standards. Episodes three and four were relied upon for some dialogue. Especially toward the end.

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Dean feigned sleep as Sam dressed and snuck out of the motel room. The demonic taint that Sam carried was steadily growing. Dean needed to get Sam to stop drinking demon blood. Sure, it had its plus sides—controlling demons was always a nice perk. But how much longer until Sam was powerful enough to sense Dean's own demonic taint? He could probably play it off as being a remnant of his time spent in Hell. Could he possibly remove Ruby from the picture? Gank her sorry ass when Sam wasn't looking?

While he was lost in his thoughts, he didn't feel the angelic presence manifest beside him.

Castiel looked down at Dean's form. Dean's wings were haphazardly strewn behind him. An angel's wings were their pride and joy. How could Dean leave them in such a state? Amidst the tangle of red feathers, he caught sight of a lone, downy, shimmering white feather. It shone so brightly in the dark room and called to Castiel. It went against everything polite and proper, but he just had to touch it, to be certain it was real. He reached out and lightly grasped it between his fingers.

Dean felt a sharp pain in his right wing. It was in a familiar spot, so he didn't think too much of it, but his attention _was _brought to the angel sitting behind him. He quickly rolled out of the bed, tripping and banging into the nightstand. He glared up at Castiel. 'You get your freak on by watching other people sleep?!'

Castiel sat in shock and slowly raised his hand. He still held the feather between his fingers. He hadn't meant to pull it out. He now held what was quite possibly the last physical evidence of what Seraphiel had been.

Dean's attention was drawn to the feather. He grimaced at it. He thought he'd managed to pluck every last white piece of fluff from his wings. He folded his wings self-consciously, and was surprised to find the pain in his right wing completely gone. The feather must have been at a bad angle, and sure enough, when he looked at the base of the feather, he saw it was bent several times over. He wasn't sure if he should thank Castiel or kick his ass. He settled on avoidance.

'So, what do you want?' he asked as he sat on the other bed.

'You know of Azazel and the demon's blood that flows through Samuel's veins?' Castiel asked as he stood.

Dean gave a stiff nod, not liking where the conversation could potentially lead.

He had followed Azazel around for a while. A demon making deals and not asking for a soul? It piqued his curiosity. When Azazel went after Mary Campbell, Seraphiel began to have his suspicions. Amidst all the random deals made, Mary Campbell just happened to be one of them? The sweetheart of John Winchester, Michael's claimed bloodline? Oh, yes, that didn't have Lucifer written all over it.

Ten years later, when Azazel came to collect his part of the deal, little Dean Winchester could do nothing. He'd forgotten about the deal, too absorbed in family life. As he held Sam in his arms, watching their home burn, he could feel the contamination of the demon blood in Sam. He could have ended it all right then and there. End the bloodline as he'd originally planned. It would have been easy to walk back into house.

But he couldn't. Whether it was from demons or angels, he had promised Mary he'd protect Sam.

'Then you know everything we do,' said Castiel. He lowered his gaze, and spun the feather he held between his fingers. 'We know _what_ Azazel did to Samuel. What we don't know is _why_, what his end game is. He went to great lengths to cover that up.' He looked back up at Dean, who was carefully avoiding Castiel's eyes.

Dean couldn't watch Castiel. Castiel had no idea just how intimately he was behaving. Nevermind the lack of personal space, grooming another angel's wings, even if by accident, was just...not done. Then twirling one of Dean's feathers like that? Maybe he'd been around humans for too long, learning human sentiment. From his own experience, angels just didn't feel emotions or wants the same way humans did. Either Castiel was a genius at distraction, or he was just really that clueless. Dean was betting on the latter.

'Samuel is headed down a dangerous road, Dean. And we're not sure where it leads. So _you_ must stop it. Or _we_ will.' Castiel waited patiently for Dean to look at him, to acknowledge what he was saying. After a few minutes of silence, Castiel reached out with his Grace, hoping not to be shut out. He needed Dean to understand the urgency of the situation. He touched Dean's Grace as gently as possible, the softest of caresses he could manage.

Dean gasped when he felt Castiel's Grace. He'd never been so gently touched by another angel before. Lucifer's touches were always like a rough hug, Gabriel's were like a wink and an elbow nudge, and Raphael's were a brotherly punch to the arm. Why did _this_ angel have to be like this? Why did he have to be so soft and caring and attractive and just so—Dean was just so incredibly turned on. He immediately shut Castiel out, hoping Castiel hadn't felt _that_ particular urge. Not that he would understand it.

Castiel stared at Dean. He'd never felt anything like that before. And it was directed at _him_. He wanted to ask Dean what it was, but thought better of it. Dean looked very uncomfortable at the moment, and Castiel didn't want to make Dean feel worse. He looked at the feather in his hand then decided to tuck it in his pocket as a reminder. Of what, Dean's potential or the unnamed feeling, he wasn't certain.

Dean managed to keep his breathing and wings under control, barely. He dared to glance up at Castiel. The other angel seemed confused, but perfectly in control. Dean wasn't sure whether he wanted to punch him or kiss him. Maybe a little of both. He let out a rough sigh and ran a hand though his hair. 'Look, Cas, I should go find Sam, so uh...,' he paused and looked at the floor, clenching his fists in the bedding. 'Don't you have more important things to do?'

'Nothing is more important than you at this point in time, Dean,' Castiel replied.

Dean's head shot up, and he could feel his face burning crimson. Castiel had to be doing it on purpose. There was no way he could be _that_ clueless. But, Dean reminded himself, angels weren't human. Castiel was just speaking the truth. Dean was the most important thing on Castiel's checklist at this moment. He relaxed a little bit as his ego also deflated. 'Yeah, well, don't feel like you have to stick around,' he said.

Castiel watched in silence as Dean pulled on some shoes and grabbed a jacket. Dean paused at the door and looked back at Castiel. For a moment, it looked as if Dean had something to say, but quickly left instead. In Dean's absence, Castiel felt what he could only describe as loneliness. He felt alone. He wanted Dean around, wanted his attention. He wanted that indescribable feeling back. He wanted...he wanted Dean to... He wanted Dean. How he wanted Dean, he couldn't put his finger on it. He wondered if any of his brethren had felt this way before. He could ask them. He quickly disregarded the idea. The others already thought little of him, so he was probably better off being left to his own devices. He let out a weary sigh and flew off.

.-.-.-.-.

Dean found Sam quite easily. He watched as Sam forced the demon out of its victim. He had to look away as his thoughts drifted toward how Sam's gifts could be used. No, it was the easy way, and Sam's current path would only lead to ruin. And that smile that danced across Ruby's lips. Couldn't Sam see it for what it was? It wasn't a smile for Sam and his victory. It was for Ruby, for Lilith, for Azazel. It was for Lucifer. Dean would have to end this. But how could he convince Sam without giving himself away? He came out from his hiding spot and confronted Sam.

'So, anything you want to tell me, Sam?' He felt a pang of regret at his harsh tone. Sam looked so eager, so proud. And, yes, it was quite the accomplishment, but not what was needed. He already disliked Ruby, but he really hated her right now for making Sam so reliant on his powers.

'Dean, hold on, okay? Just let me ex—,' Sam started, but was quickly cut off.

'You gonna say "just let me explain"? You're gonna explain this?' Dean asked and shifted his attention to Ruby. 'Why don't you start with why the Hell Ruby's here.' Dean was so tangled in his thoughts, that he had slipped. Small, but enough to raise Ruby's suspicions, if not Sam's.

Ruby tilted her head to the side and narrowed her eyes. 'So you recognize me. Nice trick, Dean. Where'd ya' learn it?' she asked as she took a step forward.

Dean held his head high. He could recover. 'How do you think I knew Sam was here? A little _bird_ told me. But I don't need them to recognize that squinty little grin of yours,' he said just before he jumped at her. He had her against the wall and pulled out the knife, ready to strike her dead. He could justify it to Sam later.

But Sam just had to interfere. Sam had his size going for him, and Dean had... Well, Dean had other ways. He moved just a little more quickly than he should have been able to and pushed Sam back. Just a little bit harder than he should have been able to. He rounded on Ruby, but she out-maneuvered him.

Dean was on the edge of showing her just who she was messing with when Sam called out, ordering her to stop. Ruby reluctantly let go of Dean. He managed to get his anger under control and wondered briefly what would have happened had Sam not intervened.

'Well, aren't you an obedient little bitch?' said Dean, knowing it would rile up the demon.

Ruby looked like she was about to rip out Dean's throat, but Sam called her attention away.

'Ruby, he's hurt,' said Sam, looking to the once possessed man. 'Go.'

'Where the Hell do you think you're going?' Dean asked incredulously as Ruby brought the man's arm over her shoulder.

'The E.R., unless you wanna go another round first,' she replied.

Dean watched as she helped the man out of the building. He knew that poor sucker was just going to get possessed the moment they were out of sight. He didn't feel any pity for the random human, but he did feel anger towards Sam's refusal to see what was going on. He turned his disapproving gaze to Sam.

Sam looked helplessly at Dean. He didn't exactly feel sorry for what he had done. He was sorry he had gotten caught. 'Dean...,' he started.

Dean's mind was in turmoil. His thoughts drifted to Castiel's words. Stop it. He could stop it. End everything right then, right there. He had to get away before he did something he would regret. Not that that was anything new. It took all the control he had to walk out rather than fly. He heard Sam's pleading cry, but didn't spare him a glance for fear of what he might do. He made a promise. Protect Sam. Even if it was from himself.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Again, thank you to my readers and reviewers! This chapter is a little...well, it's here to push the story past this point, so very little dialogue. 'Metamorphosis' pretty much happens just as it did (and this chapter focuses on Dean's thoughts during that episode), same with 'Monster Movie.' 'Yellow Fever' didn't happen. If it did, then Dean just nipped it in the bud out of annoyance. This story begins to diverge during 'It's the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester' in the next chapter.

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Waiting for Salvation  
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Dean was having a hard time being around Sam. He went for a walk to clear his head. He was frustrated with Sam. He couldn't really be angry with Ruby. She was a demon, it was in her very nature to behave as she was. Sam, on the other hand, was walking a thin line. Sam was a good hunter, he didn't need his powers to help people.

On his walk, Dean took down every demon and supernatural creature in a two mile radius. He didn't care if it attracted attention, he needed an outlet. He flaunted his wings as he took down a small group of demons, enjoying their anguished and confused screams.

As he admired the aftermath, he felt a sudden shock at what he'd done. He was turning back into what he had been. He was taking his aggression out on anything in his path with an unhealthy dose of schadenfreude. There had been no need for him to go after the unsuspecting creatures. No real purpose. For all he knew, none of them had ever harmed a human. He should probably leave Sam before he went after him as well.

When he returned to the motel, he snapped at Sam. He punched Sam, twice, but it felt like it wasn't enough. Sam just didn't get it. He truly believed he was helping people. That just exorcising a demon was good enough. Why couldn't he see that the knife or an angelic double tap to the head was the better option? Sure, the human vessel may die, but what was one human life compared to the many that would be saved? The lights flickered as Dean lashed out at the lamp.

When the phone rang, Dean tried to get his anger under control. He just wanted to leave. Leave the fighting and drama behind. Was this why he was brought back? To play the part of the older brother and get Sam back on the right path? Any of the other angels could easily take Sam out. Sam seemed so enamored with them from the beginning, why not just send them out to warn him against what he was doing? Why Dean?

On the car ride over to their next hunt, Dean decided to spin a little story. He was already slipping up with small things, how much longer until he let something big out? So he told Sam that Castiel had showed him the past. He made up a few scenarios, romanticized here and there. He was quite proud of himself. He thought it was a good story, and it would cover his ass if he mentioned anything about Azazel and demon blood. And then good old Sammy let it slip on his own.

Well, at least now everyone knew, and it was out in the open, but the tension was back. Dean wasn't good at the whole empathy thing, being brash when he should be more gentle. He hoped the hunt would help take their minds off the demon blood fiasco.

When they found Jack Montgomery, Dean was all for just blowing it off. From the looks of things, nothing was going on. Then Jack started eating the raw meat. Dean reached out and immediately knew what they were up against, and he had a pretty good idea of how Travis knew this guy was going to turn. Dean held the binoculars loosely and stared at the lit window. Why didn't Travis take care of this problem earlier? He suspected human sentiment and the need to believe that everything would be all right.

And after talking with Travis, Sam was showing that human sentiment and need, big time. Dean knew it was stemming from Sam's need to prove to Dean that he wasn't going to turn into monster. Maybe Sam was right and this Jack guy would have enough self-control to keep from eating human flesh. Seraphiel had met a couple Rugarus that had managed to overcome their hunger. One unfortunate incident ended with the Rugaru having to kill his own son. Too bad it was an undocumented story, Sam might have benefited from it.

It was during Sam's little blow up, that Dean saw himself in Sam. The demon blood, the curse that Sam would never be rid of, but desperately wanted to turn to something good.

All the horrid things Seraphiel had done... The demonic taint on his Grace caused by his actions. Seraphiel had chosen that path. Sam had no choice about the demon blood. Dean wanted Sam to come out clean, to stay on the right path, but he was having a hard time getting Sam to cooperate.

Ever since he had gotten back from Hell, he seemed to be off his game. He'd finally managed to fully recuperate, snagging a ghost here and there when no one was looking. But he was having a hard time reconnecting with Sam, and he blamed Ruby for it. He blamed himself for not being there when Sam needed him most. He also blamed himself for not even trying to get out of Hell.

Maybe he needed to take a different approach. He would let Sam steer things until they got too bad. So he let Sam go about the Jack ordeal his way. He was a little surprised when Sam spoke over him to give the 'or else' news.

All in all, Dean thought it went quite well. When he and Sam burst into the young woman's apartment, he thought that maybe Sam had been right. All Jack needed was some prior warning and a push in the right direction. And then they found Travis. Poor Travis, the stubborn old man.

Dean really should have been paying attention. The moment Sam was knocked unconscious, Dean sprang back up kicked Jack off of Sam.

'We did it his way, now we're gonna do it my way,' he said.

Jack looked up in shock and could see shadowed wings projected on the walls behind Dean. An innate fear crawled up his spine as he backed away. 'W-wait...'

'Sorry, Jacky-boy,' Dean replied as he advanced, 'you had your chance.' He reached down and sent a burst red and black energy into Jack's head.

Dean turned and picked up the makeshift flamethrower from next to Sam. No need to attract the attention of any other hunters Travis may have alerted. He pointed it at Jack's body and sighed as he set it on fire. Sam wasn't going to like this one bit.

When Sam regained consciousness, he found himself safe inside the Impala. He looked at Dean and saw the grim expression his brother wore. 'What happened?'

'I'm sorry, Sam,' Dean replied. 'You tried. But the guy was a monster and there was no going back.'

He thought about what he had just said and apologized. He was trying to win Sam over, not push him away. Sam just brushed him off and dismissed his attempts at explanation. The conversation was quickly drifting to an argument. Not quite what Dean had planned.

Then Sam mentioned how Dean couldn't understand. That the taint of the demon's blood wasn't in Dean like it was in him. That he had to deal with it.

Dean stared ahead at the road. He understood a lot better than Sam knew. There was a time when he had gotten so used to behaving like a common demon, that he actually enjoyed going after the unsuspecting and innocent humans. He understood having that corruption in his blood, in his core being, and having to fight against it. He would probably be one of the monsters they hunted if he hadn't gotten bored from his Father's lack of a response. He had no one to guide him back then, only his anger. At least he could try to be there for Sam. He swallowed and told Sam he didn't need to deal with it alone.

Sam looked at his reflection in the window. He didn't want to become what they hunted. He didn't want to lose his brother to this...this disease. He might be able to control his powers, but what would happen when he became too reliant on them?

As Sam voiced his thoughts on how his powers were like playing with fire and how he was done with it, Dean spared him a glance. He hoped Sam was speaking the truth, and not just saying it to please Dean. They needed a good, old fashioned hunt to take their minds off everything.

Dean's prayers were answered in the form of what had started as a vampire hunt. And ended with a completely whacked shifter. During Oktoberfest. Beer, big pretzels, pretty girls, and a hunt. Dean had enjoyed it immensely. It was a good experience all around. Sam was doing better, and there was less tension between them. All in all, a great hunt. Things were going well.

And then a witch had it in her head to summon Samhain.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Thank you for the alerts, favorites, and reviews! Starting to see a little more Destiel peeking through in this chapter. But who knows what'll happen when Dean remembers in the next chapter...

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Waiting for Salvation  
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Seraphiel knew Samhain, had even run around Europe causing a fair amount of damage with him. It was when Samhain killed Seraphiel's lovers, a set of ginger twins, that Seraphiel assisted the humans in exorcising Samhaim. And was immediately run out of town for his efforts.

Dean was having trouble locating the witch on his own. She must have been using a pretty powerful spell to evade his detection. Powerful and old school, if she was able to avoid angelic detection.

As they approached their motel room, Dean could feel angels in the area and started feeling tense. He relaxed a little when he felt that one of the visiting angels was Castiel. When Sam yelled out a demand, Dean rushed in to intervene. He didn't need Sam being painted in an even worse light than he already was.

He recognized Uriel by his wings. He kept his eyes on Uriel, remembering when he'd been banished. Uriel was one of the angels present that day. Dean kept his power and wings well hidden, feeling tremors of phantom pains. He hadn't expected to have this reaction. Anger and resentment, yes. But the underlying fear was never a part of his family reunion fantasies.

Sam offered his hand in greeting to Castiel, clearly impressed, and voiced his opinion.

Castiel looked down at Sam's hand. He wasn't quite certain what he was supposed to do. He quietly reached out to Dean in question, receiving a terse reply as Dean shut the door. He grasped Sam's hand and met Sam's eyes. 'And I, you,' he replied. 'Sam Winchester... The boy with the demon blood.'

Sam flinched a little at the remark, and Dean sent a glare to Castiel.

The angels were in town to prevent the seal associated with the raising of Samhain from breaking, but they couldn't locate the witch on their own. When Sam suggested working together, Uriel snapped at him.

Castiel introduced Uriel as a 'specialist.' Seraphiel had witnessed Uriel's work before, and he didn't feel that the devastation that would be left behind would be worth the cost of one seal. Human lives were one thing, but Uriel had a complete and total disregard for all life when it came to purification. The entire area would be void of flora and fauna for at least fifty years after the cleansing.

Dean couldn't believe his Father would send Uriel for the job. Surely, there was someone better? Someone with more discretion?

Sam tried to plead their case, claiming that they could locate the witch and kill her before Samhain was summoned. Sam tried to push his view on angels forward, still not quite believing Dean's description. Dean wished his brother didn't have to witness true angelic behavior first hand.

Dean scoffed as Castiel said they had no choice in the matter. Of course they had a choice. Angels weren't mindless tools. Unimaginative, yes, but not completely void of free will. Seraphiel questioned orders long before his Fall, and he knew he wasn't the only one.

As Castiel justified taking action against the town just because the order came from Heaven, Dean had to wonder what was going on. He noticed that Castiel was avoiding eye contact with Dean.

Dean cautiously reached out to Castiel, and Castiel swiftly locked eyes with Dean, effectively making Dean shrink back in an instant.

When Castiel questioned Dean's loyalty to his father—which one, he wasn't sure—Dean evaded the question. He rounded on Uriel, playing the one card he had. His Father had brought him back, so he had to be off limits for a killing spree.

He wasn't sure if it would work. After all, if Dean Winchester died, he could always be brought back. And maybe it would be worth it. Just to see the look on the angels' faces when they found out they brought back an empty, rotting corpse. And Seraphiel would laugh his head off at Heaven and its 'plan.' Dean quickly switched from his fantasy to reality and claimed that he could find the witch and kill her, stopping the summoning.

And as Castiel cut off Uriel and gave Dean and Sam the go ahead, Dean felt a climbing surge of uncertainty. Just where did this supposedly low ranking angel fall on the angelic food chain?

Without so much as a 'goodbye,' both angels vanished. With a quick look to each other, Sam and Dean headed back to the Impala in silence.

It broke Dean's heart to see Sam lose faith in what he believed to be true. He tried to let Sam know that not all angels were the same. He hoped finding the witch would help take Sam's mind off the matter.

He wasn't expecting them to find the children's bones locked away in the teacher's desk. Was this what humans felt like all the time? Completely uncertain of what was going on? Of what was real or who to trust? No wonder Sam was addicted to his powers.

.-.-.-.-.-.

Castiel's patience was wearing thin with Uriel. He used to have so much respect for any angel older than himself. They were older, wiser, more experienced...and very set in their ways. It was not spoken aloud, but nearly half, if not more, of the angels disliked their Father's youngest creations. Of the remaining half, the majority felt neutral. There were very few angels that actually liked humans.

He reminded Uriel that it was now up to Dean to take care of the seal, and was appalled at how Uriel was willing to brush it off. He hoped the threat of what would happen if Uriel went against their orders would be enough to keep him in line. Castiel sent a silent prayer to their Father for Dean to succeed.

.-.-.-.-.

They screwed the fuck up.

At least Seraphiel's cover wasn't blown. Thanks to Sam's quick thinking, Dean didn't need to go toe-to-toe with Samhain just yet. At the cemetery, Dean made quick work of the risen corpses. He was feeling more than a little high by the time he finished with the ghosts.

When he found Sam, he was more than impressed to see him holding off Samhain on his own. Then frightened for what Sam could potentially do to him. For the first time in his existence, Seraphiel feared a human. If it ever came down to it, was he angel enough to survive? Would he really be able to defend himself? Fight Sam to the death? As soon as the thoughts appeared, they vanished. Dean tried to cared, but he just couldn't do it right now. He hadn't felt like this since... Oh, probably when he gorged himself on those poor Titanic ghosts. 1219. No, 29... 1921. 12. Right. Was twelve a significant number?

.-.-.-.-.

Dean was still riding a good high when Castiel landed next to him.

Without even looking at Castiel, Dean spoke. 'Lemme guess... "I told you so." Am I right?' He looked over at Castiel, a slightly uncaring smile gracing his lips, and poked at Castiel's Grace with his own. Castiel was just so sweet and innocent. Dean's pokes turned to soft caresses.

Castiel subconsciously licked his lips. He had wanted to have a serious conversation with Dean. Voice his doubts and concerns. But the look Dean was giving him, combined with the intimacy Dean was currently displaying, he was having trouble with it. And then there was that feeling again. That wanting urge that was slowly sifting from Dean. He cleared his throat. 'No, I—I'm not here to judge you, Dean,' he managed to say.

Dean wanted to shed his vessel and curl up to Castiel and drown. But since he was currently confined and sentimentally attached to his meat suit, he settled on hopping over to Castiel in the space of a blink and laying his head on Castiel's shoulder. 'That's nice. Judging people's not nice. But being here's nice,' said Dean. He allowed his wings out and lightly tucked his left wing under Castiel's right. Why did God have to make Cas just so damned comfy? 'So. Why _are_ you here?'

Castiel stared ahead, trying to ignore Dean's complete and insistent presence. 'Our orders—'

'Your orders suck,' Dean cut in, then let out a little giggle.

Castiel huffed and continued. 'Our orders were not to stop the summoning of Samhain.'

'Well, at least you won't get fired,' Dean commented.

'They were to do whatever you told us to do.' Castiel felt Dean tense against him. Even Dean's Grace had ceased its gentle waves and was presently hovering just above his own.

Dean didn't know what to think. God had given the angels orders to follow _his_ orders? His Father, who did _nothing_ and let him Fall, was giving him command over an army again? Well, maybe not an army. Two angels. For a day. Five minutes. Was it a test? Was he being tested on his decisions? Did he make the right choice? What would he have done before the Fall? What would Jesus do? He swallowed then asked 'Why?'

'It was a test,' Castiel replied. He cautiously wrapped his wing around Dean in reassurance when he felt Dean start to pull away. He didn't want Dean to leave. He wanted him there. All of him, right there with him. He really shouldn't be so selfish. 'It was a test to see how you would perform under...battlefield conditions, you might say.'

Dean tried not to relax back into Castiel. Really, he tried. 'It was a witch. Not the Tet Offensive. ...I was there, y'know.'

Castiel let out a soft chuckle.

'So, I, uh...failed your test, huh?' Dean didn't wait for an answer before he continued. 'I don't care,' he said. 'If I had a second chance, I'd make the same call. I don't know exactly what's gonna happen when all the seals are broken. I don't know what Lucifer's gonna do. How he's gonna lash out. Hell, I don't know what's gonna happen tomorrow. But what I do know is, this, here, all these kids, the birds, the trees...all of it, is still here because of my brother and me. And I'd rather stand by my human brother than by a bunch of _angels_ that hate my very being with a passion.'

Castiel sent out a soothing wave to Dean and calmed the prickles that were forming from Dean's darker thoughts. 'You misunderstand me, Dean. I'm not like you think. I was praying that you would choose to save the town. Yes, I prayed that you would succeed, but the town is more important,' Castiel explained.

Dean was not expecting that answer. He let his Grace go back to mingling with Castiel's. 'You were?' he asked, softly.

'These people,' Castiel explained, 'they're all our Father's creations. They're works of art.'

Dean nodded in agreement.

Dean was acting...off. He was being quite affectionate and calm, and Castiel liked it. It was much nicer than the brashness he had been receiving before. Castiel wrapped his Grace reassuringly around Dean in preparation for what he was about to say. 'And yet, even though you stopped Samhain, the seal was broken, and we are one step closer to Hell on Earth for all Creation. You of all people should appreciate what that means.'

Castiel felt the waves of regret roll off Dean. While Dean was being so open, Castiel took the chance to sort through the individual elements flecked throughout Dean's Grace. On the surface was the shimmering energy of a multitude of ghosts. That explained Dean's behavior. Beneath, there was so much pain and suffering to sift through, but so much love and loyalty as well. He could differentiate the demonic taint of Seraphiel's actions from Dean's recent stay in Hell. He couldn't imagine what Seraphiel had done to corrupt his Grace in such a way. And there was that want. Directed straight at Castiel. As what Castiel assumed to be an attractive human female walked past, Dean's eyes followed, and Castiel felt a weaker version of the wanting feeling follow her. Oh. He wasn't certain what to do with this new information, so he turned to other matters.

'I'll tell you something if you promise not to tell another soul,' Castiel bargained. He felt he could trust Dean, that if any other angel could understand, it would be Seraphiel.

'Okay.'

'I'm not, uh...' He paused as he searched for the word Dean had used. '...A hammer, as you say. I have questions, I...I have doubts. I don't know what is right and what is wrong anymore, and whether you passed or failed here. But, in the coming months, you will have more decisions to make. I don't envy the weight that's on your shoulders, Dean. I truly don't.' He looked down at Dean, whose head still rested on his shoulder.

Dean let out a sigh. 'It's been a while,' he said. 'But...I've had to make the big decisions before. It's not exactly new to me. I'll deal.'


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Thank you, thank you! I hope y'all like this chapter.

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Waiting for Salvation

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Dean stared at his reflection in the mirror. He couldn't believe how he had acted the previous day. Snuggling up against Castiel. Taking comfort from a stupid, young, attractive, stupid angel. And he wanted to do it again.

He jumped when Sam banged on the bathroom door. 'You all right in there?'

'Yeah, yeah,' he grumbled as he opened the door. 'All yours, Princess.'

Dean threw himself on one of the beds and stared at the ceiling. When he heard the shower start, he let out a weary sigh, closed his eyes, and tried to concentrate. The whispers came slowly at first. Then he was able to decipher them. The angels were scrambling to different seals. Handing out orders to guard the more easily broken, tracking demonic movements and odd omens... The occasional comment on the Winchester brothers and their current location would drift through. More whispers were coming through about Dean. He had been pulled out of Hell. He had been chosen. Dean would be key to saving everything. Dean was—

'Dean!'

Dean came back to reality with a start. He stared up at Sam, who had a worried look on his face. 'Sorry. Must've drifted off...,' he mumbled as he sat up. He rubbed a hand over his face. Things were not looking good. If the angels were gossiping about him, that meant more attention was being sent his way. He needed to be careful. He would have to keep his powers tightly under wrap for the foreseeable future. With the way things were going, it would only be a matter of time until the cat was out of the bag. He watched Sam pack up the rest of their belongings and hoped Sam wouldn't hate him when he did find out.

.-.-.-.-.

While investigating the wishing well, Dean could occasionally feel the presence of an angel. And it wasn't the same angel every time. They were taking turns watching Dean. It was beyond aggravating to know they were sitting there, doing nothing. Not bothering to lift a finger to help.

The same thing happened when Sam and Dean went after a ghost. The angels were just lingering on the edges. Watching. Doing nothing. Not even throwing a scant bit of information to the brothers. As they left the town, Dean could feel the angels' visits becoming less frequent. He had mixed feelings on the turn of events. It was good that he would be getting some privacy, but bad in that it could only mean something big was up.

.-.-.-.-.

And something big was up. In the form of Anna. At first, Dean thought she might be a prophet, that would explain why the demons wanted her. But then he met her. For a pretty prophet, she sure did feel...wrong. It was as if she was empty. Just a vacant body meandering around. Her very presence made him itch. He stuttered as he spoke to her, trying to shut out the internal alarms that kept screaming 'wrong-wrong-wrong!' Maybe they could dump her somewhere safe. Sam would be happy for her safety, and Dean would be rid of her presence. But they could use her. She seemed a little more aptly tuned to Angel Radio than he was at the moment. He could put up with a little discomfort for some insight.

Things were going well enough when Ruby reared her ugly head. Oh, and did he detect a bit of real fear in her voice? Whoever the other demon was, he must have been hot shit to have Ruby actually worried. And as the demon drew closer, Dean's stomach dropped.

Alastair threw Sam down the stairs, and Dean attacked with the knife, hoping he was making the right decision in trusting Ruby enough to not harm Anna. As Dean struggled with Alastair, he was pushed into a beam.

Alastair leaned in close and spoke softly, casually into Dean's ear. 'Hello, Seraphiel.' He leaned back and punched Dean. 'Did you miss me?' Another punch. 'I missed you.'

Sam came to Dean's rescue. With a quick glance between Alastair and the window, the brothers jumped out, Dean using his wings to slow their fall to something less damaging.

Even with Sam's story, Dean was very surprised to see Ruby. And he was angry at Anna for falling for Ruby's act as well. Was he surrounded by idiots? Demons were demons. The individual might have personal goals, but when it boiled down to it, they all worked for Lucifer and his schemes. Sam was alive because Lucifer needed him alive.

He had to bite back a harsh response when Anna mentioned contacting her parents, so he left it to Sam to break the news to her. In the middle of her breakdown, Dean felt the presence of angels coming closer, and Anna felt it, too.

Anna was ushered to the other room and the remaining three prepared for the worst. The door burst opened and in walked Castiel.

Castiel was shocked to see Dean. Why was he with Anna? Did Dean know who and what she was? He was here on orders, originally. But, now...now he could feel all new reasons to complete his mission rising to the surface. From the way Dean spoke, he didn't seem to know who she was, just that she had access to the angels' communications. Castiel tried to explain without giving everything away. He didn't need for Dean to side with the other fallen angel out of some form of sympathy. He didn't want Dean to become attached and closer to her. He wanted that attachment for himself. He looked away from Dean. His thoughts were becoming more selfish. He didn't want to kill Anna because of his orders or what she was. He wanted her dead so he could have Dean all to himself. He felt so ashamed in that moment of realization.

When Uriel attacked the demon, Castiel used the distraction to go after Anna. With a simple touch, Sam was unconscious and posed no further threat. He grabbed the door handle and felt a powerful banishing spell form.

Dean gritted his teeth as the spell pushed at his being. He looked for any crack in the spell to slip through and found one. With everything he had, he focused on every dark aspect of his being. Every evil thing he had done, all the demonic energy he had gained through his actions. He gasped as the spell ended and found himself coughing up a good deal of blood from the exertion.

When he saw the mirror Anna had written the sigils on, he wondered where she had learned it. She was tapped into what the angels were saying, not Enochian spells. Dean was beginning to worry. Maybe he should have just handed her over to the angels.

They decided to take her to Bobby's for safe keeping. With Anna hidden away in the panic room, Dean claimed to be in need of a nap. He secluded himself and tried to tap into the Angel Radio. Anna was right, it was silent. But there were still soft murmurs floating about. They were looking for Anna. And something else. The angels were being vague, obviously trying to avoid tipping off Anna. He was pulled back by Sam shouting for him.

Looking over Anna's psych file, and proceeding to get caught, Sam suggested finding out just what Anna had done. He figured Pamela would be able to use her power to help them find answers.

That was how Dean found himself on the doorstep of the psychic. Before he could knock, the door opened. 'Pamela!' he greeted.

'Dean.' She leaned against the door frame and tilted her head to the side. 'There's something different about you...,' she said as she raised a hand to Dean's cheek. 'No...you've always been...' She quickly took her hand back as if burned.

Dean swallowed nervously.

'You could have prevented this,' she said bitterly and removed her sunglasses, showing off her false eyes.

'He...he did warn you,' he weakly replied.

She let out a snort. 'Yeah...but I'm stubborn and won't back down from a challenge. I will say this though, I'm a lot better than I used to be. Being blind has opened my eyes.' She let a genuine smile grace her lips. 'Thank you.'

'For what?' Dean asked, confused.

'You're the first person to look at me and not be radiating pity. Oh! It's sickening,' she complained. 'Look, I know you're not sorry for what happened. You don't have to be. It's not your fault.'

'Uh, thanks. I guess...' Dean shifted uncomfortably.

'So, which angel are you? Anyone famous?'

Dean's breath caught in his throat. He hadn't spoken his own name aloud in so long. 'Ser—Seraphiel.'

'Leader of the seraphim... Nice.'

'Haven't been that for a long time,' he commented quietly. '...Don't—'

'It'll be our little secret.'

They stood in silence for a solid minute before Pamela spoke again.

'Did it hurt?'

'Huh?'

'When you fell from Heaven?' she asked in sweet tone.

Dean stared at her, his mouth open and a dumbfounded look on his face. 'W-what?'

Pamela chuckled at Dean's reaction. 'Oh, come on. Can you blame me? When else am I gonna a get a chance to use that line and mean it?'

Dean shook his head and laughed. 'Right. Very funny. Let's go, I'll explain on the way.'

Once in the Impala, Dean glanced sideways at Pamela. 'And for the record, yes.'

Pamela turned her face towards Dean. 'Pardon?'

'When I Fell. It hurt. A lot. But not in the way you're thinking,' he said and started the engine.


	7. Chapter 7

AN: Wow! I'm always amazed to get those little email notices. Thank you so much! Anyway, I...have no idea what I'm doing anymore. I don't want to alter the timeline too badly, but it may just end up happening.

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Dean held the door open for Pamela. On the way to Bobby's, he explained how they had found Anna, about her knowing the blood magic, about how wrong and empty she felt. As they reached the door to the basement, Pamela placed a hand on Dean's shoulder. When he looked at her questioningly, she put a finger to her lips and gave him a smirk. He let out a short laugh and shook his head.

It was hard to keep the smile off his face as Pamela messed with Sam. It made him feel a little better about the whole situation.

Everything was going fine. Even the burst of energy was fine. Dean could even deal with being thrown across the room. He could not, however, deal with Anna's declaration of being an angel. There was just no way she could be an angel. She had no Grace. There was nothing angelic about her. And Dean couldn't believe that their Father would truly want her dead. If anyone deserved His wrath, it was Dean.

As she told her story, Dean tried to figure out just who she was. Without her Grace, her powers were limited and her wings inaccessible. She claimed she Fell, becoming human. Dean had a hard time believing it. How did she become human? Why was_ his_ Grace still intact? Was he the special one, or her?

'I ripped out my Grace,' she said.

Dean flinched. 'Come again?'

Anna went on to explain what her Grace was, not that Dean needed to know. He just couldn't imagine doing such a thing as ripping out his Grace. No matter what.

According to Ruby, Hell wanted Anna because she was an angel bound to flesh that they could question. If that was what they wanted, then why didn't they question Dean? He thought back to his time spent in Hell and could recall only ever seeing Alastair and a couple of his most trusted minions during his torture sessions. Did anyone else in Hell know?

Dean drove Pamela home while Sam and Ruby looked for a way to find Anna's Grace.

'I have to say, I was not expecting that,' Pamela said, breaking the tense silence.

'Tell me about it.' He gripped the steering wheel tighter.

'...You're jealous,' she said in revelation. '_Why_?'

'Why not?!' he yelled. 'My..._Father_ gave the order to hunt her down! _Hell_ wants her for information! _I'm _not good enough for either of them?!'

'Don't be jealous of her, Dean. She's scared. Everything she's done has been out of fear. You've been nothing but brave. Stupid, but brave,' she said, laying a hand on Dean's knee. 'She ripped out her Grace to avoid punishment, and now she's trying to get it back so she can defend herself. What did you do when you Fell?'

Dean pulled the car into Pamela's driveway. 'Trust me, Pam. You don't wanna know the things I've done.'

'I already know. What I'm getting at is that you didn't hide. I don't know what the future holds, Dean, but things would probably be easier if you went back to not hiding.' She exited the car and waited for Dean.

Dean sighed in irritation and got out to walk her to her door.

Pamela stepped in and turned back to face Dean. 'Can I make one request? In case we never see each other again.'

Dean bit his lip in thought. '...Sure.'

'Can I see your wings? I might not get another chance to see an angel's wings.'

'I don't...they're not...a good...example,' Dean said, lamely.

Pamela simply smiled sweetly at him and waited patiently.

Dean let out a frustrated growl and unfurled his wings, looking off to the side in embarrassment. He flinched as he heard Pamela gasp.

'Beautiful,' she said softly and reached up to cup Dean's cheek. 'Thank you, Seraphiel.' She leaned up and placed a kiss on his lips before leaving him alone and confused on the doorstep.

.-.-.-.-.

When Dean got back, he found Anna staring up at the night sky. He figured he would see if she knew anything about just why he was dragged out of Hell, but she didn't know. As they spoke, she admitted to not wanting to go back. She wanted out, and Dean wanted back in. He wondered if it was because she had no Grace. She didn't have to feel the longing he felt. The need to be back in his Father's presence, to feel His love.

When Anna said only four angels had seen God, he had to think for a moment. _He_ had seen his Father...Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, Lucifer, Metatron, Azrael, all of the seraphim...many more than just four. He had assumed all of the angels, no matter their class nor rank, were granted an audience. They need only ask.

As Anna explained how things worked in Heaven, he began to have doubts. Nothing seemed right. You weren't killed for questioning when he was last in Heaven. What was going on?

Sam had located where Anna's Grace had landed. Her pure Grace had spawned a beautiful oak tree. Dean tried to imagine what his would create. Nothing good, he supposed.

When they reached ground zero, Dean could feel the trace of an angel's Grace, but nothing to indicate it was actually there. Not a good sign.

And now the angels were threatening to throw Dean back in Hell. He wanted to scream in frustration. What was going on up there?! Who was giving the orders? Why was Anna so set on thinking she deserved to be punished for disobeying? Yes, Lucifer disobeyed, but he also started a riot. He was gathering a small army of angels to eradicate their Father's newest creations. It went a little further than abandoning a post.

Seraphiel had stuck by Lucifer. Even when he didn't agree, he stuck by his older brother. And he paid for it. Banished, cut off, ignored. He suffered for his actions and was still suffering. When he spoke of deserving punishment, he hadn't meant punishment for torturing souls in Hell.

But that was what Anna assumed, and insisted it was not Dean's fault. What did she know? He wasn't exactly _forced_ to do it. He got sick of being tortured himself. And wasn't that the reason souls went to Hell? To be tortured?

As Anna stroked Dean's cheek, he began to feel alone again. There was one fleeting moment when he first found out she was an angel, that maybe there was another that could understand. But he was wrong. She had no idea what it was to Fall. Not the way _he_ had Fallen. To remember everything. To feel his Grace slowly corrupt. To be reminded every time he caught sight of his wings out of the corner of his eye.

And then she kissed him. It was nice, but Dean couldn't block out the emptiness she radiated. He gave her a stuttered apology and headed back to the others.

Ruby...was missing. Well, there was part one of Sam's grand plan.

Dean sat at the table across from Sam and watched him sleep. After a while, he started feeling tired. His body wanted him to sleep. It would seem that an angel was trying to get into his dreams. He let sleep take him, hoping that Castiel would make it quick. He felt a little bad that he was about to use Castiel. He could just tell Castiel the plan, but could Dean trust him?

What greeted him was not Castiel.

He was not in the mood to deal with Uriel. He jabbed at Uriel's pride, knowing the other angel didn't like taking orders from a younger, naive angel.

'Y'see, he has this weakness... He _likes_ you,' Uriel said in respose.

Dean was instantly reminded of cuddling up to Castiel. He shifted uncomfortably.

Uriel made his demands, showed off his trophy, and, with Anna's kiss still fresh in Dean's mind, assumed Dean had gotten 'a slice of angel pie.'

Dean rolled his eyes. He played along, wanting nothing more than for the conversation to stop. Uriel threatened, and Dean called his bluff. But then, Uriel threatened Sam. So Dean 'gave in' and told Uriel where he was hiding. When Uriel finally left and Dean awoke, he considered Pamela's words. Maybe it _was_ time he stopped hiding.

.-.-.-.-.

The barn doors flew open. Castiel and Uriel entered. Castiel felt a strange sensation in his vessel's stomach. He was unable to stop his wings from spreading slightly at the sight of Anna standing so close to Dean. He truly regretted Uriel having to use Sam as a way to get to Dean. He wanted to let Dean know that he was sorry it had come to such an underhanded tactic. He wanted Dean to understand. He wanted... He watched, fascinated, as Anna kissed Dean. He wanted to be in Anna's place. He looked away. He really shouldn't be thinking like that. He was an angel of the Lord, he wasn't capable of true emotion and wouldn't be able to properly appreciate receiving Dean's affections.

Castiel apologized for his orders, and Anna pointed out that he wasn't sorry. Dean closed his eyes and prepared to make what would rank high up on the list of stupid things he had done. If Anna thought Castiel wasn't truly sorry for having to obey orders, how would she feel about Dean's complete lack of regret for using her? He exhaled slowly.

'Don't you touch a hair on that poor girl's head.'

Dean spun around at the sound of Alastair's voice. Finally! He had never been so glad to see Alastair. Just as planned, angel and demon fought. Dean caught sight of Castiel losing his fight to Alastair. He should just leave, Castiel would be able to take care of himself. Dean growled at himself as he lifted a two-by-four and hit Alastair upside the head, earning him Alastair's attention. He stood his ground as pain ripped through his being.

Dean hadn't noticed that Anna had managed to procure her Grace from Uriel. As she screamed for them to shut their eyes, Dean watched her change from and empty shell to a full-fledged angel. Unfamiliar wings formed, and her holy essence burned through her mortal body.

It was over, even if Uriel didn't want it to be. Castiel held Uriel back from attacking Dean, and Dean let out an exhausted sigh after the two angels left. He didn't know what to think. He was torn between being happy for Anna and wanting to scream. She got her Grace back, she would be able to go home. Dean, on the other hand, was stuck on Earth. Stuck on Earth and called upon for some holy mission no one wanted to tell him about.

With a quick good-bye to Ruby, Sam and Dean were back on the road. A few hunts had cropped up, vague and detailed messages alike were left on their voicemail. Dean needed the distraction.

Dean broke out the beers during a short break in driving. Anna had been a painful reminder of what he had lost and would never regain. In between beers, Dean chose to tell Sam about his time in Hell. If Sam could accept Dean for what he'd done in Hell, then maybe he stood a chance of being forgiven for his other crimes.

.-.-.-.-.

Dean left Sam at a motel just outside of a small town. Sam could tell his brother was dealing with a lot of stress at the moment. Whether it was Anna or Alastair that was the cause, he didn't know. So he didn't say a word when Dean said he'd be back later. It was already late, so he wasn't going to expect Dean back until morning.

Dean drove away from the town. Part of him wanted to just keep going. Leave everything behind. He pulled off to the side of the road and got out. Leaning against the Impala, he stared at the stars.

'What do you want, Cas?' Dean asked when Castiel appeared beside him.

'I thought you might like to know that Anna is...safe,' replied with some difficulty.

'Back home, living the good life? Good for her,' Dean spat out.

Castiel gave Dean a confused look. 'No... She has been...avoiding us.'

Dean finally looked at Castiel. 'So, not accepted back into the fold?'

'Not as such.'

'But she still gets to go back.'

'She will be punished when she does.'

'You're missing the point, Cas!' Dean shouted as he turned and took a step towards Castiel. '_She_ gets to go back! _I _don't!'

Castiel didn't know what to do. He reached out to Dean with his Grace. When he wasn't immediately rejected, he enveloped Dean completely.

Dean let out a whimper from the comforting gesture. He needed more. He closed the distance between them and pulled Castiel into a hug.

Castiel tensed then slowly brought his arms up and wrapped them around Dean. 'Have you tried to come back?'

Dean pulled back and gave Castiel a furious look. He extended his wings as far as he could, displaying every flaw for Castiel to see. He grabbed the lapels of Castiel's coat and brought him closer. 'Yeah, I wasn't exactly welcomed with open arms.'

Castiel couldn't take his eyes off of Dean's wings. Just behind Dean's shoulder he could see the stump of another wing peeking out. He felt so much sorrow for Seraphiel and everything he had been through. Castiel reached his hand up and gently stroked what was left of the wing. 'They shouldn't have done this to you,' he said, his voice laced with sadness.

Dean shivered and tightened his grip.

Castiel brought his gaze back to Dean's eyes. 'I am truly sorry for what happened to you,' he said, softly.

Dean was taken aback. With Castiel's Grace mingling with his own, he knew Castiel meant every word. When he felt a hand rest on his neck just beneath his jaw, he gave up on self-control and kissed Castiel. He sucked and nipped at Castiel's lips.

Castiel didn't know what he was expecting. He rather liked what Dean was doing. The wonderful wanting urge that Dean emanated towards him was back. He let his eyes shut and tried to participate in the kiss, never having experienced such a thing. He had seen it done, seen full blown sex, but experiencing it was something else altogether. No wonder humans seemed addicted and kissed so much. When he opened his mouth slightly, he was surprised to find Dean's tongue teasing his own. So he brought his tongue forward against Dean's and tried to match the movements. His eyes flew open when he felt hands working on his belt. Dean must have felt his distress because everything suddenly stilled.

Dean pulled away slightly, breathing hard. He had managed to loosen Castiel's tie even more. Castiel's shirt was unbuttoned and untucked, and his belt was partially undone. Dean could see the growing erection straining against loose fabric. He looked at Castiel's face, tinted a rosy pink. What was he doing? Castiel's Grace was pulsating about him with what was clearly desire. Dean really wanted to fulfill that desire. But he couldn't. He couldn't do that to Castiel. Castiel was so pure and innocent, Dean couldn't bring himself to drag Castiel down and corrupt him.

'Dean?' Castiel frowned at Dean's silence. He reached out to touch Dean, but he was too late. Dean was gone. Castiel looked around the empty road and sighed to himself. He decided to wait for Dean to return. He had to come back.

He had forgotten his car.


	8. Chapter 8

AN: Damn. Y'all are so nice! If I could make you cookies or something, I would. So, I hope you can settle for a big thank you! Thank you! Also, for the town mentioned, I just zoomed in on Nebraska and picked the first small one I came across. Elm Creek is near Chevyland, USA. I took it as a sign.

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Dean tripped as he landed. Thousands of years, and he still hadn't mastered flying with only two wings. He blamed it on their tatty appearance.

He had landed in the middle of a forest, far from civilization and away from any supernatural creatures. He kicked at a nearby tree before leaning against it. He wondered how long Castiel would wait before giving up.

He slid down the tree trunk and sat on the ground. He pulled his knees up and buried his face in his arms. Was this all part of a test? Was he even _being_ tested? Had Castiel been sent to tempt Dean? Did it even matter? He felt like he was so far gone that nothing he did would ever redeem him in his Father's eyes.

The night passed slowly, and when sunlight began peeking through the trees, Dean finally stood. He stretched and extended his wings. He risked a look and was dismayed at the mess behind him. He should really do something about them. Who was he kidding? Who was he trying to impress, anyway? Castiel? He blushed at the thought of primping his wings for Castiel. He shook the thought from his mind and took off in the direction of his car.

.-.-.-.-.

Castiel was leaning against the Impala, waiting patiently. Occasionally, a passing driver would ask if he needed assistance. He perked up when he felt Dean's return. He stood and looked to the wooded area just off the side of the road. A loud crack resounded, followed by a pained shout.

'Son of a bitch!' Dean emerged from the woods, brushing leaves and twigs from his person. He froze in his ministrations and looked up at Castiel like a deer caught in headlights.

Castiel appeared directly in front of Dean. When Dean made no move to fly off again, Castiel reached up and plucked a small twig from Dean's hair. He kept his eyes trained on Dean's and slowly, carefully touched Dean's Grace. But he was quickly shut out and pushed away. He stumbled as he regained his balance.

'Just...stop it, all right?' Dean said, desperately.

'Stop what?' Castiel asked, clearly confused.

'This—everything! Stop being so...so nice! So...you.' Dean ran a hand through his hair and gave it a surprised look when he pulled out a leaf.

'This is how our Father made me. I do not know how else to be,' Castiel replied.

Dean shook his head and let the leaf fall. 'I can't do this, Cas.'

Castiel searched Dean's eyes, looking for any clues he might find. He was beginning to wish he had shown more interest in humans, learned their mannerisms. Humans were such physical and tonal creatures, and Seraphiel seemed to have completely adapted. Castiel was in over his head. 'I don't understand,' he admitted.

Dean let out a frustrated sigh. 'I can't...drag you down. You don't deserve that.'

Castiel tilted his head in question.

Dean tried to walk past Castiel, but Castiel grabbed his arm and spun Dean to face him. Dean held his breath in anticipation. He wanted whatever Castiel would be willing to give, but he prayed that Castiel would just let him go and move on.

Castiel held Dean in place, staring into his eyes. He tried to read what was there, comparing the look to every human reaction he could remember. He settled on hope and fear. Castiel brought his wings possessively around Dean and pressed their lips together. It held none of the passion from their first kiss, but sweet reassurance. When Castiel pulled back, he gave Dean a small smile, still an unfamiliar expression for him. 'I can take care of myself, Dean,' he said. 'And, if I Fall, I know you will catch me.'

Dean could have sworn his heart stopped. And he was not crying. Not at all. He buried his face in Castiel's neck and held on tightly. 'If they find out, they'll...it won't be good. Trust me,' he warned, his voice slightly muffled.

They stayed like that until Dean's phone rang. Dean jumped and pulled his phone out, reading Sam's name on the small screen. He cleared his throat and plastered a big smile on his face before answering. 'Sammy! Hey, I was just on my way.'

Castiel watched Dean give Sam an excuse for being out all night. He thought about Dean's warning. What would happen if and when the others did find out? He decided to keep his interactions with Dean a secret. Both for his sake and for Dean's.

Dean said his good-bye to Sam and turned to Castiel. 'So, uh... I gotta go get my brother,' he said. 'Will you be all right?'

'I will be fine. Thank you for your concern, Dean.'

Dean laughed at Castiel's statement. 'Yeah, yeah. God, I hope I was never like that,' he said, mostly to himself. 'Go on, get outta here.'

'Good-bye, Dean. I will return when I have time,' Castiel promised then flew off.

Dean got into the car and took a moment to collect his thoughts. Castiel was willing to Fall for him. The thought made him both ecstatic and sick to his stomach.

.-.-.-.-.

Dean found Sam waiting for him inside the small motel room. 'Ready to head out?' he asked, as nonchalantly as he could manage.

'Where were you?' Sam asked. 'I've been trying to call you for hours! And don't say your phone was off.'

'Um...' Dean couldn't come up with an excuse quick enough. 'I was abducted by an angel?' It was partially true.

Sam stood straighter. 'Oh. Was it Castiel?'

Dean nodded, not trusting his voice and hoping he wasn't blushing.

'Well, what did he want? Did he say anything about Anna?'

'Y-yeah. She's good. She's fine. Hiding out somewhere,' Dean replied.

Sam felt a little relieved to hear the news. 'Good. Bobby called,' he said, changing the subject.

'Got a hunt for us?' Dean asked, perking up. He desperately wanted to kill something. Kill something or fuck something. He wasn't exactly picky at the moment.

'Not really,' Sam replied, grabbing his duffel and tossing the other to Dean. 'One of the hunters that died during the Rising of the Witnesses...apparently, he left everything to Bobby. He wants us to help sift through everything.'

Dean sagged. 'Aw, c'mon!'

'Sorry, I already promised him we'd help,' Sam said a little too cheerfully for Dean's taste. 'Besides, I thought we could use a break from demons and hunting.'

.-.-.-.-.

After a long drive, they arrived at Bobby's. Upon stepping into the house, they were greeted with piles of boxes. Bobby was having a hard time getting even the boxes sorted, so many were filled to the brim with books, trinkets and smaller boxes. And none of them were marked.

Sam came up with their game plan, dividing the living room into subcategories. Soon, small piles were forming. Dean had taken it upon himself to place little signs above each pile. Demons, ghosts, vampires, shifters... Sam gave Dean a look when he noticed the badly drawn stick figures next to each title.

'Hey, I'm a visual learner,' Dean said defensively.

Sam rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything as he returned to the box he was currently working on. He could tell Dean was bored out of his mind, but Bobby needed the help. And they had already found so many useful books! Little bits of knowledge to help them along in the future. Sam was hopeful that they would find something to help them with the apocalypse and the seals.

After about three more hours of sorting, Sam left for a food run.

Dean yelled out a reminder to get pie. He grumbled to himself about Sam forgetting pie the last time he made a food run. He flipped the pages of the book in his hands. Another one for the deity pile. He sighed as Bobby dropped another box next to him. 'What? No break?' he asked, looking up to give Bobby a pitiful pout.

'Don't think I haven't notice you slackin' off,' Bobby replied before returning to his desk.

Dean frowned. He wasn't slacking off. He couldn't help it if he could go through a book a lot more quickly than a human. He picked up a new book, a particularly heavy, leather-bound tome, and flipped through the pages more slowly. At least this one had a lot of pictures in it.

Sam returned with the food. Dean happily took the pie off his brother's hands, guarding it from potential thieves as he ate his cheeseburger. And then it was back to the sorting.

About an hour in, Sam let out a low whistle. 'Hope we never run into _this_ guy,' he said, slowly turning the pages of the book he held.

'What guy?' Dean asked, distractedly.

'Seraphiel.'

Dean's head shot up, eyes wide and staring at Sam. No. No-no-no-no-no.

'Huh. Never heard of 'im,' Bobby replied, not bothering to look up.

'Not surprising, really. He just...vanished around four or five hundred years ago.'

Four hundred thirty-eight years ago, Seraphiel gave up on getting his Father's attention. Dean remembered the day well. 'So, uh... Don't need to worry about him, right?'

'With the damn apocalypse goin' on?!' Bobby asked, incredulously. 'Everything's comin' outta the woodwork! For all we know, this Seraphiel's gonna be the next hunt.'

Dean certainly hoped not.

'Well, Sam? Does it say anything about any signs? Anything to give us a heads up in case we do run into him?' Bobby asked.

Sam flipped the pages back and forth, frowning. 'Um, I think he's an angel...'

'An angel,' Bobby repeated flatly.

'Yeah, fallen angel. But it looks like he has all his powers, unlike Anna. Oh, he always has green eyes.'

Dean paled. People paid attention to that sort of stuff? 'So, uh...interrogate everyone with green eyes?' he said jokingly, hoping his voice wasn't wavering as much as he thought it was.

Sam shook his head, eyes still glued to the book in his hands.

Bobby let out a snort. 'Sure, we'll start with you,' he said and went back to his book.

Dean couldn't make his voice work. His eyes darted between the two hunters, then he looked down at the box next to his feet. He busied himself with sorting the amulets.

'I don't get it,' Sam said after a while. 'Seraphiel's all over the place. One minute he's starting orgies at convents...'

Dean smiled to himself. Possessing that nun was a good memory. A fun memory. Spanking may have been involved.

'...And the next, he's ridding a town of a demon problem.'

'I thought you said he was a bad guy?' Bobby stood up and looked over Sam's shoulder.

'He started at least fifty wars between peaceful nations, and that's what he admitted to,' Sam replied. 'Burned down hundreds of churches—'

Dean frowned. The churches were empty. He never _personally_ killed an innocent. Then again, he could name hundreds of wicked leaders that never personally killed anyone. Lucifer never had the chance to do much damage. If Lucifer was simply locked away, what fate awaited Seraphiel?

'—started witch hunts where there weren't any witches, started the Spanish Inquisition...several holy wars... Seraphiel the Manipulator. He let humans kill each other off, introduced them to demons... Oh!'

'What?' Bobby and Dean spoke at the same time. Bobby in interest, Dean in trepidation.

'A possible sign that he's in an area. It says he's extremely territorial. Ghosts, demons, everything. Find a human settlement with no supernatural activity, and there's a good chance he's there or was there.'

Bobby thought for a moment. He had heard something about the supernatural population in a town suddenly dropping. 'Well, shit.'

'What's wrong?' Sam asked.

'Ellen called about a week ago. Said that some hunters going to Elm Creek, Nebraska ended up with nothin'. Vampires fled the town. Demons won't go near the place,' Bobby explained. 'No idea when it started.'

Dean bit his lip. He wasn't counting on having his breakdown come back to bite him in the ass.

Sam looked up at Bobby then to Dean. 'Elm Creek? We were just there,' he said. 'Do you think...do you think Seraphiel was there because of us? Could he be working with Lucifer?'

'No,' Dean replied without thinking. He shifted his gaze from the box of amulets to Sam. Should he just come right out and admit everything? If things got too heated, he could always just fly away. No, he couldn't do it. He couldn't lose Sam. Pamela may have been accepting, but she had a whole new outlook on life and hadn't known Dean all her life. Sam wouldn't take Dean's angelic side very well. 'I dunno. Maybe he _was_ there because of us. With all these angels running around, maybe he was in town for a family reunion.'

Sam quirked a brow. Dean was acting off about the whole thing. He had to know something, but Sam didn't want to push the issue.

'Maybe he went to Chevyland,' Dean suggested.

'I highly doubt that...' Sam remembered the museum. He remembered Dean fawning over the classic cars on display. He tried to imagine an angel doing the same thing.

'His loss,' Dean said and went back to sifting through the box.

Sam had to know if they were really dealing with Seraphiel. If they were, then Sam wanted to be prepared for the worst. Later that night, he called Ruby and met up with her just outside Bobby's property.

'Do you know anything about what happened in Elm Creek?' Sam asked when Ruby walked into view.

She stopped in her tracks and tensed up. 'I heard...something,' she admitted. 'There was a survivor. A demon saw the massacre from a distance. He said it was an angel, but its...its wings were the color of blood. He was cruel, ruthless. Just tore into them, sealed them in their bodies, and made them beg for death. They're calling him the demon-angel.'

Sam tilted his head slightly. 'Wings? You can see their wings?' he asked.

'Yeah. An angel can see my real face, and I can see an angel's wings,' she explained. 'Look, Sam, don't go after him. Just stay away. Everything in that area died. Painfully. The town was evacuated.' She gave a nervous laugh. 'Everyone I've talked to is being real careful. Angels, we can feel comin' from a good distance. We can get away. But this...this thing, there was no warning. That survivor, he said it felt almost like a demon. I was lucky. It happened the day after Dean found out about you using your powers. I could have been killed!'

Sam let out a sigh. At least it didn't seem like Seraphiel was helping Lucifer's cause. He promised Ruby that he would be careful and avoid the demon-angel at all costs. He was worried. Dean definitely had to know something. Did Dean run into Seraphiel that day?

Sam and Ruby parted ways and Dean's eyes followed Sam's path back to the house. A survivor. He must be getting rusty. Dean closed his eyes and shook his head. No. He shouldn't be thinking like that. He flew back to the house, managing to knock over only one pile of books, and curled up in his spot on the floor. He listened as Sam quietly opened the door and entered the old house. Dean could feel Sam's eyes on his back. He hoped Sam would just let it go. He didn't want to deal with any questions Sam was bound to have in the morning.


	9. Chapter 9

AN: Thank you so much for all the nice reviews! I'll try to get the next chapter out quickly.

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Morning came and went. Sam kept trying to ask Dean about Seraphiel, but Dean kept finding excuses to leave. The piles of boxes were slowly being cleared out, and the room was beginning to look more organized. Unless it was a pile made by Dean. Sam sighed in frustration as he straightened another 'Dean pile.'

He thought he heard fluttering wings, but assumed Dean had returned from the basement and was flipping through another book.

'Hello, Sam.'

Sam spun around and came face to face with Castiel. 'C-Castiel... Um, hi.'

Castiel was looking around the room in curiosity.

'Uh...did you need something?' Sam asked, trying to get Castiel's attention.

'Your brother,' Castiel replied, still not looking at Sam.

'In the basement. He's helping Bobby put up some new sigils in the panic room.' Sam bit his lip at Castiel's lack of reaction. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the book from the previous night. 'Oh! Hey, just out of curiosity, what do you know about an angel named Seraphiel?' Sam was not expecting the intense stare his question had earned him.

'Why?' Castiel asked, his voice laced with suspicion and caution.

'Well, we came across a book with him in it, and uh...it looked like he'd been in a town around the same time as Dean and me,' Sam explained, not wanting to mention Ruby.

Castiel tilted his head in consideration. What should he tell Sam? How much could he say without earning Dean's ire? 'Seraphiel's actions need not concern you.'

'So it _was_ him. Do you know what he wants? Is he helping Lucifer?' Sam asked. 'How...how do we defend ourselves against him?'

'I believe Seraphiel would never harm you, Sam,' Castiel replied. '...Seraphiel is—'

'Cas!'

Castiel turned his head in Dean's direction. 'Hello, Dean. We need your help.'

Sam sagged in annoyance. And then he saw it. The way Castiel was looking at Dean. It was muted, but he had seen his brother receive that look from hundreds of women, and a number of men as well, over the years. Great. The angel had a crush on his older brother. This would not end well.

'Don't know if I really wanna give my help, y'know,' Dean replied.

'A seal is being threatened,' Castiel explained. 'And we have no way of stopping it.'

'Really? None at all,' Dean said sarcastically.

'Alastair has one reaper already. If he catches another, he will break the seal.'

'Still not getting the part where you can't stop him.'

'The demons are hiding in a building that has been warded against angels. We cannot enter it.'

Angel-proofed. Dean wondered if he would be able to get past the wards. If he could escape an angel banishment spell, then he should be able to slip through a few wards. Another reminder of how low he'd gone. He sighed and scratched his head. 'I dunno... Sammy?'

'What?! Of course we'll help! Just tell us where.'

'I can do better than tell you,' Castiel said as touched the brothers' shoulders.

Sam took a step back, looking around at the new room. 'How...?' He trailed off when he caught sight of Dean.

Dean was gripping Castiel's arm and shoulder, barely standing on his own. 'Don't you ever do that again,' he warned. 'Just..._say _something next time.' If there was one thing Dean hated more than flying via airplane, it was being dragged along by another angel.

Castiel looked down at Dean and sent an apologetic wave along his Grace.

Dean grunted as he regained his footing, letting his hand linger on Castiel's arm longer than was needed.

Sam's mouth quirked in a confused smile. Was there something going on between his brother and Castiel? Dean told him about all his other conquests. Flaunted them, even. Was he keeping his thing with Castiel a secret? Maybe neither knew the other was interested. He hoped that wasn't the case. He didn't need a sexually frustrated Dean on his hands.

Dean looked up at Sam and saw the look he was receiving. 'What?'

Sam replied with a questioning look between Dean and Castiel.

'S-shut up!' Dean growled, feeling his cheeks burn.

Castiel looked from Dean to Sam. 'Is something wrong?' he asked.

'Everything's fine,' Dean replied without taking his eyes off Sam. When satisfied, he finally turned to Castiel. 'So, where are we?'

'Wyoming. The demons have the reaper in a building three miles from here,' Castiel replied, his full attention back on Dean. 'And one more thing... We need Alastair alive. Get him out of the building, and we'll take care of the rest.'

'What about weapons?' Sam asked. The look Dean gave him made him smile. It was the same look he got whenever airplanes were mentioned. 'Cas, can you take me back to Bobby's, so I can load up?'

'Of course,' Castiel said, placing a hand on Sam's shoulder.

Dean only had to wait five minutes before Sam and Castiel returned.

'Right. Let's go kill some demons,' Dean said, taking the knife from Sam.

.-.-.-.-.

The building was heavily warded. Dean felt a spike of unease as he and Sam approached the building. Every surface was covered with spells. Sam went to peek in through windows.

'How many?' Dean asked when Sam returned. He was having trouble feeling his way past the warding.

'At least four,' Sam said. 'Maybe we should have come up with a better plan. Or at least call in some back up.'

Dean grunted in reply. He tested his senses against another ward and slipped though. Seven demons. And one..two. Two reapers. 'Shit. There's no time!' Dean exclaimed as he started for the open door.

Sam gaped as his brother hurried away. 'Wait! Dean?!' By the time his legs started moving, Dean was already pushing at the door with some difficulty.

Dean gritted his teeth as the door burned him. He shifted his Grace and threw his darker energies forward, blasting through the spell placed on the door. He rushed inside, Sam hot on his heels, and went straight towards where he could feel the reapers being kept.

Dean made quick work of the demons that crossed his path.

Sam had never seen Dean be so...efficient. A demon rushed towards Dean, and Dean swiftly side-stepped, spun, and stabbed the demon in the neck, not losing pace. Sam knew Dean could fight, but he had never seen his brother fight _that_ well. He didn't even need to look at his opponent. By the time they reached the main room, Dean had taken out four demons. Something just wasn't right.

In the center of the room were the reapers, lying in the middle of a painted sigil. Sam raised his gun as Dean shouted at the two demons performing the spell.

Alastair ceased his chanting and looked directly at Dean. 'Will wonders never cease?' he said, giving Dean a sickly grin. 'You are just full of surprises!'

Dean glared at the demon. 'Alastair. I thought you got burned up.'

'Oh, the pediatrician did. His wife's still looking for him,' Alastair replied as his grin grew.

Dean growled and took a step forward, but quickly turned back when he heard Sam let out a pained grunt.

A third demon stood over Sam's unconscious body.

'It would seem you missed one,' Alastair pointed out in a helpful tone.

Dean slowly raised his eyes to the demon. 'I noticed.'

Before the demon could react, Dean was on him, pressing a hand to his head. The demon screamed in agony, and Dean quickly turned, throwing the knife and hitting the other lower demon between the eyes.

Alastair applauded. 'I do love to watch you work,' he admitted. He stood his ground when Dean appeared inches in front of him. 'You can't be that much of an angel if you managed to get in here. Join us. Help us free your brother. After all, he's the reason you're here.'

Sam grabbed his head and let out a soft groan as he slowly sat up. He blinked in confusion at the sight before him. Dean had Alastair by the throat and was punching him.

Alastair laughed as he flung Dean halfway across the room. 'Come on! You can do better than that!'

Dean had rolled when he hit the floor and was upright again. He extended his wings, casting their shadow behind him as the lights flickered.

Sam's stomach dropped. There was an angel riding his brother.

'So beautiful,' Alastair said softly. 'There's a reason I never touched them.'

Dean eyed the window behind Alastair. Biting his lip, he hid his wings. At Alastair's disappointed look, Dean charged at him, throwing them both through the window and into the back alley.

Sam stumbled as he got up and ran to the broken window. He stared as both Dean and Alastair stood up. He brought his gun up and aimed as Alastair gave him a brief glance and smiled.

'My dear Seraphiel,' Alastair said sweetly, 'Heaven will never take you back. And humans, they could never love you. I've seen your Grace, so beautiful, so many evil deeds. God will never forgive you. But, Lucifer loves you. He loves you so much.'

Sam's breath caught. Seraphiel. Seraphiel was in his brother! He had to save Dean.

Dean stood stock still, breathing heavily. Everything Alastair said was true. He would never be accepted back into Heaven. God would never forgive him. After spending time in Hell, he could see why his brother would push him away. He was protecting him from the darkness. From the torture and pain. He slowly looked up at Alastair, a lost look on his face.

Alastair held his arms out invitingly.

Dean jumped as lightning struck Alastair, leaving nothing in his place. Dean looked around desperately.

'Thank you, Dean,' Castiel said, just to the left of Dean.

Dean stared at Castiel. Doubts floated through his mind. Was Castiel's affection for him just a ploy to get him to cooperate? Did all the other angels know about them? Were they up there laughing at gullible Seraphiel? Poor, hopeless Seraphiel, so desperate for love. Send him something pretty and nice, he'll be sure to roll over.

'Hey! Seraphiel!'

Dean turned to find Sam pointing a shotgun straight at him. His world was collapsing around him. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

'Get out of my brother!' Sam said as he came closer.

'W-what...?' Then it came to him. Sam must have heard Alastair. 'No, Sam, it's not what you think!' he said, putting his hands up in front of him.

'Get out!'

'Sam, please, just listen,' Dean pleaded.

Tears ran down Sam's face. Was this what it was like? To see a demon wearing someone you loved, acting just like them, but knowing it wasn't them? Dean wouldn't want Sam to let a demon nor angel run around in his body. So Sam closed his eyes and pulled the trigger.

When he opened his eyes, the street was vacant except for him and Castiel.

Castiel gave Sam a sad look.

'Did you know?' Sam asked, shaking in anger.

'Yes.'

'Why didn't you tell me?!'

'Dean had me promise.'

Sam gestured to the spot Dean had vacated. 'That was _not_ Dean! _That_ was Seraphiel! And you _knew_!' Sam yelled, the betrayal in his voice evident.

'Sam...'

'No! Unless you know how to get a fallen angel out of a human, then I don't wanna hear it.'

Castiel looked down, avoiding Sam's glare. 'Unless it is willingly, then no. I don't,' he said, not certain if it was a lie or the truth.

Sam rubbed at his eyes in frustration. 'Fine. I'll see if I can find anything. Can you...can you find him?'

'D—Seraphiel is very good at evading detection,' Castiel explained. 'But I will do everything in my power to locate your brother.'

Sam sighed and looked at the night sky, feeling lost. He just got Dean back, only to lose him again. He felt a hand on his shoulder and was suddenly back in Bobby's living room.

Castiel frowned, not knowing what he should say, if anything. He gave up and left in silence.

Sam looked around the room. Everything was the same. He looked down at the pile he had been working on earlier. He leaned over and picked up a piece of paper. On it was Dean's scrawling handwriting, declaring the pile was for angels. Next to the title was a badly drawn dragon with six wings. Sam frowned at the image.


	10. Chapter 10

AN: Some dialogue towards the end taken from S04E16. Bumped the rating to M for this one.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.  
Waiting for Salvation  
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The weeks passed painfully slow for Sam. Nothing in his research was helpful. He found hundreds of ways to solve his problem had it been a demon. He had seen firsthand how to take care of an angel. But Seraphiel? Castiel had explained how Seraphiel was able to work past devil's traps and angelic seals. The spell Anna had used wouldn't work. Seraphiel was a mix of angel, demon, and human.

Sam thought about it and came to the conclusion that Seraphiel was the perfect weapon. Whichever side won his loyalty would have an edge. He could go _anywhere_.

But none of it mattered. There was no sign of Seraphiel. Castiel was showing up more frequently, each time a little more distressed. Sam didn't know if Castiel's worry was for Dean or for Seraphiel. Every time he confronted the angel, Castiel would give Sam a sad look and not answer.

Then one day, Castiel brought up some disturbing news.

'Someone is killing angels,' Castiel said as he sat on a chair.

'What?! How? Who's doing it? Is it...is it Seraphiel?'

Castiel refused to look at Sam. 'I don't know. Uriel is insisting a demon is behind the deaths. But...' He sighed as he shook his head. 'I do not believe that Seraphiel is the cause. He is capable of a great many things, but not the deaths of his brothers and sisters.'

'How can you be so sure?' Sam asked.

Castiel met Sam's eyes and replied 'Because I know him. I've felt his Grace.'

Sam looked away, thinking. 'I...I can ask Ruby if she knows anything,' he offered.

Castiel grimaced. 'You should stay away from her, Sam.'

'Do you have any better ideas?' Sam snapped.

'We have been interrogating Alastair, but...' Castiel trailed off and looked away. 'Part of the reason I'm here is to ask Dean to assist.'

Sam stared at Castiel. The angels wanted Dean to help them interrogate Alastair. Why would they—oh. 'You want him to torture Alastair!'

Castiel hung his head. 'No. _I_ do not want this. These are my orders.'

'_God_ wants Dean to torture a demon for information?' Sam asked, disbelief heavy in his voice.

Castiel didn't answer. He didn't want to believe that his Father would want this. That his Father would let Seraphiel dirty his Grace further with torture. But...the orders...they made no mention of Seraphiel so far. Just Dean Winchester. Nothing about the fallen angel. There were no rumors about Seraphiel. Surely, _someone_ besides himself knew? God knew where all His children were...so He had to know that Dean Winchester and Seraphiel were one and the same. If that was the case, then who was giving the orders?

Castiel suddenly stood, making Sam jump. 'I must go,' he said and left with a soft flutter.

Sam ran his hand through his hair, looking around the room. He decided to speak with Ruby before heading to the local library. The books he had requested had come in, and he hoped they might hold some sliver of information.

.-.-.-.-.

Sam returned from the library, still feeling a deep touch of disappointment from meeting with Ruby. She didn't know anything about demons killing angels. He didn't want to tell her about Dean, fearing that she might push the demon blood subject even harder now that Dean wasn't there to bully her away.

He placed the bag of library books on Bobby's desk as Bobby offered him a beer. Sam gratefully took the bottle as he sorted through the books. Near the bottom of the bag was a worn paperback. He pulled it out and raised his brow at the cover. _Supernatural_. The cover made it look like some sort of homoerotic thriller. He turned it over and read the back, wondering how it ended up on his list.

_'Along a lonely California highway, a mysterious Woman in White lures men to their deaths...a terrifying phenomenon that may be Sam and Dean's first clue to their father's whereabouts.'_

Sam reread the text several times. He opened the book at random and began reading. Everything written had happened just as he remembered it. For a brief moment, Sam completely forgot all his other problems.

Some quick research revealed there were more of the _Supernatural_ books, much to Sam's dismay. He needed to find this Carver Edlund. Unfortunately, it was just a pen name, so he went to the publisher.

Convincing the publisher that Sam was a fan of the _Supernatural_ series was nowhere near as difficult as convincing the writer that he really was Sam Winchester.

Chuck Shurley wanted nothing to do with Sam. Sam was obviously a crazy fan. A crazy fan who happened to look exactly how he envisioned Sam, just happened to know Sam and Dean's surname, and knew about Seraphiel. He had never even _hinted_ at Seraphiel's existence in his books. He didn't say anything as he reluctantly let Sam into his home. He was deeply regretting writing himself into his own story. Maybe, maybe the angel wouldn't show up.

Just as the thought passed through his mind, he heard the fluttering of wings. He cringed and made a beeline for his fridge. He was much too sober for this.

Castiel appeared behind Sam. 'Sa—!' he stopped mid-word and stared at Chuck.

Chuck had just returned with a bottle of Jägermeister in his hand. He miserably returned Castiel's stare. 'So it's true then. I'm a prophet.'

'W-wait. A prophet?!' Sam looked between Chuck and Castiel. 'Cas, did you know?'

Castiel ignored Sam's question and approached Chuck. 'It is an honor to meet you.'

Chuck gave Castiel a dismissive nod and hurried to his recliner.

'What's going on?' Sam asked the room in general.

'I went Vonnegut on my latest book,' Chuck replied. 'I never should have written myself in. And as a prophet?! What was I thinking? That's..that's M. Night levels of doucheyness.'

Castiel looked up from the book he was reading. 'Changing the words you write would have no effect,' he explained. 'Luke tried.'

Chuck glared at Castiel. 'You're more annoying in person,' he said testily.

Castiel frowned and picked up another book to look through.

'Okay, so you're a prophet,' Sam said, focusing on Chuck. 'You know everything about Dean and me. Do you know where he is right now?'

Chuck opened the bottle and looked up at Sam. '...Yeah.' At Sam's relieved expression, he continued. 'But...look, I don't know how to say this...' He got up and went over to his desk. He sifted through the piles of paper then pulled out a set that had been paper clipped together. He handed them to Sam. 'You're not gonna like this,' he said as he went back to his chair and took a deep swig of his drink.

Sam's brows furrowed in confusion. He glanced at the first page and recognized it as the night Seraphiel had disappeared with Dean's body. He read through it several times, shaking more with each read through. Sam dropped the papers and ran his hands down his face, trying to calm down. He angrily knocked a pile of books to the floor. 'How long? How long has Seraphiel been inside Dean?' Sam asked, voice tight.

Chuck took another sip before answering. 'The soul that would have been Dean Winchester was born in the next available body,' he explained. 'Seraphiel took over the, uh...corpse at birth.'

Sam stared speechlessly at Chuck. He wasn't expecting that. 'He's...'

'Seraphiel has always been Dean,' Castiel said. 'He has always been your brother.'

Sam's legs gave out and he collapsed against the wall for support. 'But...Dean's always...he's always been there for me. He went to _Hell_ for me. This whole time...' He looked down and let out a bitter laugh. 'And _I_ shot him.'

A bottle entered Sam's field of vision. He looked up at Chuck's sympathetic face.

'Looks like you could use this more than me,' Chuck offered.

Sam looked back at the bottle. He took it from Chuck's grasp and swallowed a mouthful, making a face at the bitter burn. 'Where is he?' he asked.

'Uh...that crystal cave place?' Chuck replied uncertainly. 'It's in Mexico,' his finished lamely.

Sam and Chuck turned their heads at the sound of wings, only to find the room empty.

'He'll be back soon,' Chuck said, slightly uncomfortable as he headed back to his chair. 'I think I should tell you...Dean knows.'

Sam gave Chuck a confused stare.

'About the blood drinking thing,' Chuck elaborated. 'He hasn't said anything about it to anyone.'

Sam didn't know what to think. Seraphiel, Dean...whoever he was, hadn't said anything. Hadn't told the angels. Hadn't even confronted Sam about it. He was keeping Sam's secrets without ever being asked. He should be mad at Dean for keeping this from him, but he was keeping secrets as well. Maybe if he'd been more open and honest with Dean, Dean would have been more open with him as well.

.-.-.-.-.

Castiel landed in Cueva de los Cristales and reached out with his Grace. After some wandering through the sweltering heat, he finally caught a slight tingle. The oversized crystals were throwing his senses through loops. He followed the tingling sensation and finally caught a glimpse of Dean curled up in a corner staring lifelessly ahead, his wings wrapped tightly around himself. Dean didn't make any movement as Castiel approached.

Castiel stood in front of Dean, staring down at the broken angel. He reached out to Dean's Grace. He felt such sorrow and self-hatred there. It was so overwhelming that he gasped as he pulled away.

'It's true, isn't it?' Dean asked, still unmoving.

'Is what true?' Castiel asked. He wanted to comfort Dean, but he didn't think he could stand to mix with the sorrow again. So he sat next to Dean and hoped physical comfort would be enough. He wrapped an arm around Dean's shoulders as he had seen humans do.

Dean leaned into Castiel. 'I started the apocalypse. I broke the first seal.'

'Yes,' Castiel replied. 'When we discovered Lilith's plan for you, we laid siege to Hell, and we fought our way to get to you before you—'

'Jump-started the apocalypse,' Dean interrupted.

'But we were too late.'

'A technicality. I started the apocalypse on a _technicality_,' Dean said bitterly. 'When a righteous man spills blood in Hell, or something like that? I'm not a man. I'm not righteous.'

'Dean Winchester is,' Castiel pointed out.

'Yeah. I saw the contract. I was bound to this body for my stint in Hell. Never really questioned why until now,' Dean said. 'So why save me? Why not let me rot down there?'

'It's not blame that falls on you, Dean. It's Fate,' Castiel said. '"And the Righteous Man who begins it is the only one who can finish it." _You_ have to stop it.'

'Lucifer?' Dean questioned shakily. 'The _apocalypse_? I can't do it, Cas. Face it, you're all screwed.'

'Our Father chose you for a reason.'

'Yeah. Right,' Dean bit out. 'All part of the stupid, fucking _plan_, I'm sure.'

'_I_ believe in you, Seraphiel.'

Dean stiffened at his name.

'Please come back with me.' Castiel placed his free hand on Dean's thigh.

Dean shied away from Castiel, but was still being held tightly.

'Sam is worried. He knows who you are now, and he regrets his actions,' Castiel said.

Dean sighed. 'I don't know, Cas... I just...don't know anymore. I don't think I can do this.'

'If not to stop Lucifer and the apocalypse, then do it for Sam,' Castiel said. He wanted to say more, to show his selfishness, but he shouldn't. But, it was probably what Dean needed right then. 'W-will you do it for me?' he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Dean twisted in Castiel's hold and stared at him. Castiel was looking straight ahead, a slight look of apprehension on his face. 'O-of course,' Dean softly replied.

Castiel turned to face Dean. He slowly brought his hand up and lifted Dean's chin in an imitated movement. He leaned in and softly kissed Dean.

Dean let out a soft moan. Oh, how he wanted this. Needed this. He grabbed at Castiel and deepened the kiss, thrusting his tongue out and teasing at Castiel's lips. He pulled back and groaned loudly when he felt a hand caress his wings. 'Fuck, Cas...,' he panted. He let out another moan when Castiel gripped the base of his wing.

Castiel gasped as Dean tore open his shirt and began kissing his chest and sucking on his nipples. He had never felt anything like this. It was better than their first kiss. It was so...physical, so taboo. He risked touching Dean's Grace again. The sadness was still there, but it was drowned out by love and passion. He cried out as Dean thrust a hand into his feathers.

Dean positioned them so that Castiel was lying down and he straddled Castiel's hips. He sucked at Castiel's neck and whispered into his ear, 'Don't stop, Cas. Don't let go.'

Castiel bared his neck, allowing Dean better access. He had both hands entwined with Dean's wings, gripping tightly. Something was building up between them. The world had dropped away and all he could feel was Dean stroking his wings and grinding their hips together. 'D-Dean...I...' His whole being was tingling and suddenly, he felt a release. 'Seraphiel!' he screamed as he came, gripping tightly at Dean.

It was just enough to push Dean over the edge and he groaned, slowly riding out the pleasurable tingles.

Castiel breathed heavily, staring at the large crystal that loomed overhead. He took a moment to admire its beauty, but was jerked back to reality when he felt a pinch on his wing.

'Stop that,' Dean said, voice gruff.

Dean's gruffer voice sent a shiver down Castiel's spine, and he soon found his vision filled with Dean's smug grin.

'Oh, you like that, huh?'

Castiel could feel his face heat up. Was he blushing? He didn't have time to worry because Dean was distracting him with soft, loving kisses. 'Dean,' he tried to say in-between kisses, 'we...we need to...oh...mmm...please, Seraphiel...ahh...Dean...your brother's...hmm...waiting.'

Dean huffed out an annoyed sighed. He sat up, but didn't remove himself from Castiel's lap.

Castiel propped himself up on his elbows and stared at Dean questioningly. 'Dean?'

'Yeah, yeah.' Dean stood and held out a hand and helped Castiel up.

Castiel glanced at the wetness that had formed at Dean's crotch. 'Are you able to restore your clothing, or do you require assistance?' he asked.

Dean closed his eyes and bit his tongue. 'Cas...you are, without a doubt, the worst mood killer ever.' And within a blink of an eye, Dean's clothing was clean. Still rumpled, but clean. 'Now clean yourself up and lead the way.'

.-.-.-.-.

Sam shot up when he heard the soft flutterings. 'Dean!' He turned to see his brother hiding just behind Castiel. 'Dean, Seraphiel...I-I'm...'

'Just...Dean,' Dean said. 'I don't... I'm sorry.'

Sam stepped up to Dean and pulled him into a tight hug. 'Why didn't you tell me? Did...did Dad know?'

Dean pulled out of the hug and looked away. 'Dad would have probably tried to kill me if he knew. I...I didn't tell you because, well... I thought you'd freak out.'

'Oh, believe me,' Sam said, 'I'm freaking out.'

Dean shrugged and gave a little grin. 'Sorry.'

Sam watched his brother and noticed something. The little movements, the way he held himself, the way his eyes kept darting to Castiel... 'Oh, come on! Dean! Really?'

'Hey,' Dean exclaimed defensively, 'it's been a while, okay? And wings are _kinda_ sensitive.'

'But he's an angel!' Sam gestured to the angel in question, and Castiel shifted uncomfortably.

'So am I,' Dean pointed out.

Sam's mouth snapped shut. In that brief moment, he had completely forgotten. Dean was acting exactly as he always had. The only difference was that, now, Sam was privy to more information. His shoulders slumped and he stared down at Dean. He wasn't sure if he'd ever get used to the idea that his brother was a fallen angel. But, he could try to adjust.

'A-are we good?' Dean asked, uncertainly.

'Yeah... We're good,' Sam confirmed and hugged Dean close. He closed his eyes when Dean wrapped his arms around him.


	11. Chapter 11

AN: Urgh, I'm a horrible person. Thank you for reading this horrible person's fanfic.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Waiting for Salvation

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Dean pulled away from the hug and finally looked around. Everywhere he looked, posters, books, bottles, paper... His gaze shifted to Chuck, who seemed to shrink in on himself. 'And who are _you_ supposed be?' he asked.

'Dean!' Castiel chastised. 'Chuck Shurley is a prophet of the Lord.'

Dean took a second glance around the room. And, yes, the guy did have prophet written all over him. 'Ugh. Sorry, man,' he said to Chuck. And then he noticed just _what _was featured on most of the posters and books. He walked over to the coffee table and picked up a stack of papers. He frowned as he flipped through them. 'You're _writing_ about us? You're actually making money off of our misery?'

'Not really,' Chuck replied. 'I still write, but...I'm not being published anymore.'

'I'm reading about myself reading about myself!' He threw the papers back on the table in disgust. 'Do you know anything useful? Or are you just focused on Sam and me?'

'Just you two...'

Dean turned away in frustration. That was the problem with prophets. Damned one trick ponies, the lot of them.

'Um... Ser—er... Dean?' Chuck started.

'What?' Dean said, clearly tired and irritated.

'Does it...hurt?' Chuck asked. At Dean's confused look, he waved a hand at Dean and clarified. 'Your wings. I mean... It looks painful.'

Dean stiffened at the question and quickly hid his wings, blushing.

Sam perked up. 'What do they look like?' he asked Dean.

'You don't want to know,' Dean gruffly replied.

'Dean...'

Dean vanished, and Sam slumped in defeat. He should have kept his mouth shut. Before he could ask Chuck where his brother had run off to, Dean reappeared with a taxidermied falcon.

'This'll have to be close enough,' Dean muttered as he grabbed a fistful of feathers and pulled. He yanked and tugged at the wings. Once satisfied with the damage he had caused, he waved a hand over the dead bird, and splotches of dark red seeped through the feathers, leaving no trace of the original color behind.

Sam watched, fascinated. Even with all the evidence before him, he was still having a hard time believing that Dean was an angel—even a fallen one.

When Dean finished with the stuffed bird's makeover, he turned it around to inspect his work. He felt his stomach drop as what he had just done hit him. He began to shake as he stared at the damaged wings, not so dissimilar to his own. He didn't realize just how hard he was gripping the bird, even as Castiel gently pried his hands free from the bird's talons. He stared at the blood slowly collecting in his palms, the same color as his wings. He could only watch as Sam pressed a towel into his hands. He couldn't hear a word anyone spoke. All he could hear was the harsh beating of his heart and the rush of blood in his ears. It was getting hard to breath.

And then there was a warm light. Adoration, respect, annoyance, and love. He recognized Castiel's Grace as it enveloped him. He desperately latched on with his own Grace. Anything to keep him from spiraling completely out of control.

He slowly came back to himself and focused on Sam.

'Dean! Dean, are you all right? Can you hear me?' Sam was holding Dean's upper arms and searching Dean's eyes for a sign that his brother would pull through.

'Y-yeah,' Dean unsteadily replied. He looked around the room and noticed it was a lot messier than it had been five minutes earlier. Bottles and light bulbs were shattered, papers were torn and strewn across the floor, posters were ripped and barely hanging on the walls, and furniture was overturned. Dean looked to see Chuck shifting nervously from foot to foot. 'S-sorry,' he apologized.

Chuck froze and stared at Dean. 'No... It's my fault. I'm so, so sorry.'

Chuck's response struck Dean as odd, but... Prophets always were an odd bunch, blaming themselves for others' misfortunes and claiming responsibility for anything they predicted. He shook his head at Chuck in dismissal and took another look around. 'Hey, where'd the bird go?'

'I removed it from the premises,' Castiel replied. He continued at the curious poke from Dean's Grace. 'I thought it best to remove the source of your distress.'

Dean rolled his eyes at Castiel and focused his attention on the now soaking, red towel in his hands. In the blink of an eye, the cloth was clean, and no physical evidence remained of his little freak out.

Sam looked around the room in shock. It was actually _cleaner_ than before. 'Wha—how...?!'

'I'm awesome,' Dean smugly replied, slinging the towel over his shoulder and cocking his head to the side.

Castiel frowned. 'That was actually quite impressive...'

'He's been absorbing monsters and ghosts left and right,' Chuck explained as he collapsed into his chair. 'Seriously, I still have nightmares about Prague.'

Sam and Castiel both gave Dean a disapproving stare.

'Hey, I'm cut off from Heaven, here!' Dean shot out defensively. 'I have to get energy from _somewhere_.'

Sam shook his head then suddenly looked at Dean in realization. 'Samhain... You _were_ acting kind of high right after,' he said, looking at Dean with suspicion.

'It's quicker than hunting down bones,' Dean retorted.

Sam let out a disbelieving laugh. 'You're such a hypocrite!'

'Uh, fallen angel!' Dean snapped back, indicating himself. 'At least _I_ have an excuse.'

Sam scoffed and rolled his eyes. 'You have no—'

'I'm letting you make your own decisions,' Dean said, cutting Sam off. 'I could stop this right now. Go find your "dealer" and take her out. Do you really think it would be hard for me?'

Sam's breathing increased as he felt anger course through him. 'And just how would you find her?' he asked.

'I have...friends...in low places,' Dean admitted. He let a small smile slip. 'One in particular owes me some pretty damned big favors.'

'Wait, you're f—'

'Does this connection have any information on who or what has been killing angels?' Castiel cut in.

Sam threw his hands up and turned away.

'I didn't ask... Someone's killing angels?' Dean bit his lip and looked away. 'Show me what you know,' he finally said.

Castiel nodded and placed a hand against Dean's cheek. Their Graces mingled as Castiel pushed his relevant memories forward, and Dean sifted through them. When Castiel pulled away, he felt irritation wafting from Dean. And something else. Embarrassment. 'Dean?'

'Um...' Dean tried to look anywhere but at Castiel.

'What did you do?' Sam wearily asked for Castiel's sake.

'Now, uh... Don't go totally ballistic on me, okay?' Dean kept sending reassuring touches along his Grace to Castiel.

Castiel frowned in confusion. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Chuck had just buried his face behind a book and was curling up into himself, as if expecting an explosion. He tilted his head and let his Grace return the gentle touches.

Dean searched Castiel's eyes, but had to switch to relying on his Grace to gauge Castiel's reaction. And it wasn't like Castiel was human, so he shouldn't have a human reaction. But he could feel how Castiel was changing. Learning new mannerisms. He chewed his lip and hoped for the best. 'Alastair's not exactly known for lying,' he said quickly.

Castiel frowned in confusion and thought back to everything Alastair had said. One thing stood out amongst the rest. The one thing Alastair had said that Castiel was absolutely certain was a lie. There was a quick intake of breath at the realization.

Dean took a step back as Castiel's wings puffed out aggressively. The lights flickered, casting feathered shadows across the walls. And then he was gone.

Sam gave Dean a confused look. 'What happened?' he asked.

Dean let out a breath hadn't known he'd been holding. 'He took that a lot better than I thought he would.'

'What?'

'Nothin' at all,' Dean replied carelessly as he wrapped an arm around Sam's shoulders. 'Now, you were saying...?'

'I was asking why Cas just up and left,' Sam pressed.

'I thought you wanted to know why I'm friends with a demon.'

'Well, yes, but that can wait.'

Dean ran a hand over his face. Should he tell Sam? Would he understand?

'Dean, just tell me, please,' Sam said, stepping away from Dean.

'In human terms... I uh...may have slept with Alastair.'

Sam stared open-mouthed at Dean. 'Wh—was...' He trailed off, trying to process the new information. His mind was drawing a blank. 'Please don't tell me that's how you made friends in Hell.'

Dean laughed at Sam's remark. 'Oh, Hell, no. Look, every once in a while there was the offer for torture or sex. Torture, get tortured...or...option three,' Dean said. 'I chose.'

Sam stared at Dean in shock. 'Dean...'

'I'm fine,' Dean insisted with a reassuring smile. At Sam's frown, Dean lost his smile. 'I'm. Fine.'

Sam looked away.

Dean walked up to Chuck and plucked the book from unresisting hands. 'My number's now all over this place,' he said. 'The moment you see something even remotely important, I wanna know about it.'

'B-but...'

'Prague, Chuck. Remember Prague?'

Chuck nodded.

'I haven't been to Paris in a long while. Maybe I'll take a little vacation there,' Dean threatened.

'You won't be able to change it,' Chuck argued. 'You can't fight it.'

Dean leaned closer. 'Watch me.'

Chuck gulped, and Dean backed off, heading over to Sam. Chuck watched in silence as Dean placed a hand on Sam's shoulder. When the boys vanished, he allowed himself a small smile.


	12. Chapter 12

AN: Sorry this one took a while. I just couldn't get the beginning started. And then Dean opened his big, fat mouth and threw my outline against the wall and shot it. The bastard. And then I got a new kitten, who is, let's face it, more fun to cuddle than it is to write your way out of a corner and writer's block.

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Waiting for Salvation  
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Bobby jumped back as Sam and Dean appeared in front of him as a tangled mess on the floor.

Sam's voice drifted up. 'What the Hell was _that_?!'

Dean groaned as he pulled away and stood up. '_You_ try—' He froze when he caught sight of Bobby and the gun being pointed at his head. 'Er... Hey, Bobby...,' he said as he slowly backed away.

Sam quickly grabbed Dean by the arm and gave him a pleading stare. When he received a resigned sigh in response, he turned to Bobby. 'It's all right, Bobby,' he said, not removing his hand. 'It's Dean.'

Bobby relaxed and lowered his weapon. 'It's good to see ya', son,' he said. 'What was it like?'

Dean looked at Bobby in confusion. He looked to Sam for clarification, who just looked away.

'Y'know,' Bobby continued, 'when you had that angel in ya'.'

Dean pulled out of Sam's grip and headed to the kitchen. 'Your choice, Sammy. I'm gettin' a beer.'

Sam and Bobby watched as Dean disappeared around the corner. Sam knew Dean would be eaves dropping just out of sight. He sighed and look to Bobby. 'Dean is...well...' He wondered how he should phrase it, so Bobby wouldn't freak out. 'As it turns out...Seraphiel _is_ Dean. Always has been...'

Bobby's eyes widened, and he looked in the direction Dean had just gone.

'Since birth,' Sam added.

'Y'mean he's been an _angel_ the whole time?! He...he's been playin' _dumb_?!'

Sam could only nod. He hoped he had made the right decision in telling Bobby.

'Seraphiel!' Bobby yelled. 'You get yer feathery ass back in here this instant!'

Dean slowly poked his head out from behind the corner. 'Scaly would be more accurate,' he said with a slight grin.

'What?'

'Scales. My ass.' He bit his lip at Bobby's unamused glare. 'Er...right. Nevermind...' He walked up and stopped just behind Sam.

'You've been an angel this whole time, and you didn't do more? We're in the God damned _apocalypse_ and it didn't cross your mind that we coulda used some help?!' Bobby stalked up to Dean as he yelled. 'What about the Witnesses? You coulda done somethin'! Anythin'! A lotta good hunters died because of that!'

Dean cringed and took a step back, but Bobby followed. 'I...I was really low on power,' he explained. 'I mean, I didn't get anywhere near up to speed until I absorbed Meg's energy, and... Well, what would you have done? Huh? If I just came right out and said "Hey, guys! I'm an angel! I'll just sap these guys of their energy while you whip up the spell." You wouldn't have listened. That's how humans are. Act crazy, shoot first, then poke the carcass with a stick. Half of the Witness spell was powered by guilt. Lilith aimed it at hunters 'cuz she knew how there's always at least one they couldn't save. One victim is all it takes. You humans just _rot_ in your guilt. The hunters that died _asked_ for it.'

Sam jumped in surprise as Dean stumbled back from Bobby's punch. He moved to intervene, but stopped at the look on Dean's face. He wanted this. He was asking for it. Dean felt he _needed_ to be punished for his sins. It wasn't humans 'rotting' in their guilt, it was Dean. Sam had to put a stop to it. 'Bobby—'

'Maybe a _real_ angel could have helped out,' Dean bit out in a pained voice, cutting Sam off, 'but they were kind of busy. Y'see, humans just aren't worth it. Remember Samhain? They were gonna just wipe the entire town right off the fuckin' map to keep the seal safe.' Dean wiped at the trickle of blood seeping from his mouth. 'Angels don't care. We're incapable of feeling _anything_.'

'Now, I know you, boy,' Bobby said sternly, 'and I know how you get. You probably do deserve to be strung up by yer heels and whipped within an inch of yer life—if that's even possible. But...yer a good kid, Dean Winchester.' He laid a hand on Dean's shoulder, and Dean flinched at the contact. 'I've hunted my fair share of monsters, and I've met all sorts of people. I admit, I don't know much about angels, or how they work, but... Well, you may be some sorta angel, but yer as human as they come.'

Dean stared at his feet. He wasn't counting on Bobby's reaction. He shifted his weight and rubbed at the back of his neck. 'So, uh...' He was pulled into a rough hug before he could say anything else.

'Don't you go disappearin' again, ya' idjit angel,' Bobby said into Dean's shoulder.

Dean nodded. He looked at Sam over Bobby's shoulder and saw Sam giving him a reassuring smile. He tried to smile back, but it came out as a pained frown. It was going to be weird with Sam and Bobby knowing.

.-.-.-.-.

Dean moped around the house for the rest of the afternoon. Every time he ran into either Sam or Bobby, he would awkwardly excuse himself and find a new room to sulk in. He eventually found his way into the kitchen, where a fresh apple pie sat innocently in the middle of the table.

He stared at it from the doorway. It was a trap. It had to be. But it was pie, and it smelled delicious.

He looked around the kitchen before slowly entering. He reached the table and cautiously lifted the pie, checking underneath. It looked safe. He reached out with his senses and could feel Bobby and Sam waiting just out of sight. Maybe it was a peace offering. That had to be it. He was practically immortal, and he had yet to come across a seal he couldn't weasel his way past. Sam had to have figured that out by now.

Encouraged by his positive thinking, Dean brought the pie over to the counter and fished through the drawers for a fork. The moment he took his first bite, he heard the sliding doors slam shut. He sighed and looked up to see the frowning faces of Sam and Bobby. Okay, so maybe it _wasn't_ a peace offering.

'Y'know,' he said, 'I could always just fly off.'

'You've been avoiding us all afternoon,' Sam pointed out. 'Can you blame us for wanting to talk?'

Dean looked away. 'What if I don't want to talk about it?' he asked.

'I think you owe us a few answers, _Seraphiel_,' Bobby said. 'Neither of us have been runnin' around pretendin' to be people we ain't.'

At the mention of his name, Dean's attention snapped to Bobby. He really wasn't up for discussing his past, but he needed their trust and acceptance. He took another bite of the pie. No one said he had to be interrogated on an empty stomach. 'Fine. Shoot.'

'_Nun orgy_?'

Dean managed to swallow his food, barely. 'Er...well, uh... I was bored?' he offered. 'And...there were some pretty hot nuns.' He smirked. It was a safe enough topic. Quite possibly one of the tamest things he'd done by present standards.

'Isabella was pretty easy to possess,' he said with a shrug. 'I actually got the idea from her. She became a nun out of penance for digging other chicks.' He let out a soft laugh. 'Nuns are easy after you show them a few "miracles."'

Sam rolled his eyes as Bobby gave Dean a stern look.

'I hope you ain't been possessin' anyone recently,' said Bobby.

Dean shifted uneasily. 'Just...this. There's no soul in here,' he added quickly, gesturing to himself.

'Yeah, Sam told me about it.'

'So, what would happen if you...left?' Sam asked.

Dean frowned in confusion.

'I mean, if you stopped possessing...him.' Sam didn't know how to refer to his brother's body, and the thought made him uncomfortable.

'I'm the only thing keeping this me—er, uh...body alive,' Dean replied.

'You were going to say "meat suit,"' Sam softly accused, shaking his head. 'Do angels really think so little of us?'

Dean didn't respond. He chose to take another bite of the pie instead.

Sam went up to Dean and snatched the pie away. 'Dammit, Dean!'

'Hey!' Dean reached for the pie, but Sam held it just out of reach. Dean glared up at Sam.

'You can have the rest after,' Sam stated.

Dean tilted his chin up. In the blink of an eye, the space he previously occupied was vacated, and Sam's hand was empty.

Sam brought his hand down as a fist and slammed it on the counter.

'No need to act like a little bitch, Sammy.'

Sam spun around and found Dean sitting calmly at the table.

Dean had a fork in one hand and a beer in the other. He took a swig of beer, looking very pleased with himself. He regarded Sam's and Bobby's shocked expressions. 'Look, I'll answer your stupid questions,' he said. 'But... Sam, you have no idea what it's like. It wasn't that bad for the past couple hundred years, but now? Angels are runnin' around on Earth again.

'They don't bother hiding their presence. I can feel them. I can feel their purity. At least I don't have to look at my wings. But them? They're a constant reminder of how I screwed up. How my _Father_ never lifted a finger to stop me. Didn't stop _them_ from keeping me outta Heaven. The only order He gave was for them not to kill me. But with how things seem to be going on upstairs _right now_? I'm not so sure that order still stands.'

'Anna had mentioned how God wanted her dead,' Sam said. 'You think...'

Dean scoffed and looked out the window. 'Yeah, she also told me how only _four_ angels have ever seen God. I know _that's_ a load of bull.'

Bobby sat at the table across from Dean. 'Well, then it sounds like those four angels probably know what's goin' on,' he said. 'Did she tell you which four?'

Dean contemplated the question as he took another bite. 'Well, _I_ don't count anymore,' he said. 'Definitely Michael...maybe Raphael...'

'So, archangels?' Sam asked. 'I mean, they're pretty high up on the ladder, right?'

Dean rolled his eyes. 'Archangels are actually one level above Cas. They're not as high up as you think. _They'd_ like to think so. There were nine levels.'

'Wait, _were_? Whadya mean "_were_?"' Bobby cut in.

'There were a lot of casualties on both sides during the war. The entire Second Sphere was divided among the lower ranks,' Dean explained.

'Even though we lost, those of us who survived were given a choice: leave, or stay and face punishment—probably because so many were lost. I was the only one to follow Lucifer. By the time I reached Hell, Lucifer had already created a small army of demons.' Dean let out a bitter laugh. 'Y'wanna know the sick part? He named his first batch after our dead brothers and sisters. I guess he tried to give them their personalities, too. Just look at Lilith. Her namesake was always smiling and loved to play. She was the first one he made.'

'Why did you side with Lucifer anyway?' Sam asked.

'He was my...brother...boyfriend? It's hard to explain,' Dean said. 'I didn't think what he wanted to do was right, but I supported him. We were close. He was older and...he has this way with words. I wasn't the only one that followed him. Like I said before, angels don't really care about humans. Some even hate you for being loved so much by our Father, and not having to do anything in return. You don't even have to believe in Him.'

Sam could detect the bitterness in Dean's voice. 'So, where did Lucifer rank in Heaven? How much higher was he than you?'

Dean almost spat out the beer he was drinking. He tried to contain his laughter, but it came out as a loud snort. 'Outrank _me_?! _No one_ outranked _me_!' he stated smugly. 'Well, me an' Metatron, but yeah... I said he was _older_ not higher up on the food chain. Lucifer was the leader of the Powers, so bottom rung of the Second Sphere.'

'That makes sense,' Bobby commented.

'What does?'

'If you wanted to stage a rebellion, wouldn't _you_ want powerful allies?' Bobby asked. 'It's nice to know that you weren't fakin' bein' an idjit.'

Dean's expression darkened. 'That's not how it was,' he growled. 'I was _made_ for him.' When he realized what he had just said, Dean shut his mouth with a snap. It was an intimate detail about himself he shared with no one. It was a fluke that _he_ even knew about it.

'W-what?' Sam leaned closer, trying to catch Dean's eye.

'Every angel was made for a reason,' Dean quickly explained. 'We all have a purpose to serve.'

'You're purpose was—'

'I don't wanna talk about it!' Dean shouted as the lights flickered. He looked up apologetically at Sam and Bobby. 'Sorry...it's a touchy subject.'

Bobby gave a curt nod, and Sam opened his mouth to speak again, but never got the chance.

'Oh, come on!' Dean yelled out. He threw his arms up in frustration. 'I don't know if this is an interrogation or an intervention!'

'What?' For a moment, Sam thought his brother had gone crazy, but he heard the sound of wings. Just behind Dean stood Castiel, looking as apathetic as ever and splattered with blood.

Dean caught Sam's shocked expression, but brushed it off as a reaction to Castiel's sudden appearance. Without turning, he reached out with his Grace to Castiel and quickly drew back at the immense guilt he felt. He slowly turned in his chair to face Castiel. 'Um...Cas? Whose blood is that?' he asked, allowing his grace to carefully brush against Castiel's.

Castiel looked to floor. He had reacted badly. He shouldn't have done it. Someone was going to find out, and soon. 'I... It would be better if we spoke in private,' he said.

Dean looked from Castiel to Sam. 'I'll be right back,' he said. 'I promise.'

Sam nodded. With a fluttered of wings, he was left alone with Bobby.

Bobby let out a sigh as he stood from the table. 'If you see yer brother before me, tell him I want this place angel-proofed,' he said as he headed out of the kitchen. 'Damned angels can use the door, same as everyone else.'


	13. Chapter 13

AN: Thank you all for sticking with me! There was much staring at a blank page with this one, then scratching out paragraphs, then wondering if I should just scrap it and start over. This spiraled out of control. =\ What was originally planned to be a short scene and nowhere near as angsty, took over the entire chapter.

Also, warning for mention of non-con.

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Waiting for Salvation  
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Dean appeared shortly after Castiel. They had landed in an abandoned factory. Dean could feel the energies of a few lingering spirits keeping well away from the pair. He pulled his attention away from the ghosts to focus on Castiel.

Castiel was frowning at the floor. 'I'm so sorry, Seraphiel,' he said, breaking the silence. 'If...if we had found you sooner...' He looked up when Dean's hand rested on his shoulder.

'C'mon, Cas,' Dean said in a light tone. 'It was just Hell. I mean, the things I've done... I probably deserve worse.'

Castiel stared at Dean in disbelief. 'What Alastair did to you...no one deserves that. Least of all you.'

Dean didn't acknowledge Castiel, choosing instead to pick at the dried blood on Castiel's coat.

Castiel couldn't read Dean's expression, so he searched Dean's Grace for a clue. He was a little surprised that Dean let him in. Anger, frustration, guilt, and a deep self-loathing he'd only caught glimpses of before. 'Dean—'

'Who was this?' Dean crumbled the dried blood between his fingers. He felt Castiel's guilt kick up again. He met Castiel's eyes. 'Cas? What happened?'

'Alastair,' Castiel quietly replied. 'I confronted him...about you. And he kept gloating. He told me everything.'

Dean nodded and looked away. 'So...you decided to tear him a new hole. What set you off? The fact that every few years I'd get it in my head that the sex wouldn't be as bad as the torture? Or when I changed my mind, he didn't stop?' His voice had started steady enough, but ended shaking with bitter rage and resentment.

'His descriptions made me quite angry,' Castiel admitted. 'But that did not..."set me off."'

Dean looked back up. He tried to think of what could possibly upset Castiel enough to physically attack Alastair rather than just smite him. 'Then what?'

'It was how he spoke of your wings.'

Dean gave a confused stare. 'Please don't tell me he recited poetry.'

Castiel tilted his head slightly, uncertain if Dean was being serious or trying to lighten the mood. 'No, he was rather explicit about how sensitive they are.'

Dean felt sick to his stomach. His curiosity got the best of him, and he reached for Castiel's memories. He suppressed a shudder as Alastair's laugh echoed through the memory.

'You're awfully sensitive about sweet little Seraphiel... And he _is_ a sweet piece of ass, isn't he? That vessel of his ain't half bad, but those wings! So soft. So...responsive! On our _special_ days, he would always beg for me to stop. To just rip the flesh from his bone instead. All I had to do was run one finger along the base of his wings, and he would make the _prettiest_ noises. He would writhe in pleasure as he begged for it all to stop. Have you touched them yet? If you haven't, you should try squeezing what's left of his smallest wi—!'

There was a loud crack as Castiel punched Alastair, and Alastair laughed through a bloody grin.

Dean cut the memory short as he saw Castiel turn to a nearby table holding various tools, salt, and holy water.

'Um...' Dean didn't know what to say.

Castiel avoided Dean's gaze. 'I believe I became jealous. And...I wanted to make him pay for causing you such pain,' he eventually said. 'I lost control.'

'Happens to the best of us,' Dean replied as he awkwardly patted Castiel's shoulder. 'Happens to me a lot.'

Castiel sighed. 'I killed him.'

'Oh.' Dean pulled his hand back. 'Was kinda hopin' _I'd _get to do that.'

'I'm sorry.'

Dean shrugged. 'No problem. He was just a demon.' His tormentor was dead. Even though he wanted to have the pleasure of bringing Alastair a slow and agonizing death, he was, at the very least, the reason for the demon's death.

Castiel looked up. 'We needed him alive. Someone is going to find out. Soon.'

Dean scoffed. 'Alive? What for—oh. Right.' He could feel the helplessness emanating from Castiel. 'Well, I'm pretty sure demons aren't behind it.'

'But who else would want angels dead?' Castiel asked.

'Cas, the most a demon could do to you is send your ass back to Heaven. Inconvenient, yes, but nowhere near enough to kill you,' Dean explained. Then a thought struck him. 'Unless he had an angel's blade.'

'What?'

'Have any gone missing?'

Castiel quickly searched his thoughts and memories, coming up empty. 'Not that I'm aware of.'

'Then I hate to break it to ya', Cas, but...the last time angels started dropping like flies, was when Lucifer rebelled.' Dean carefully ran his Grace along Castiel's, hoping the other angel wouldn't react too badly. He felt a slight confusion coming from Castiel as well as disbelief.

'You're implying and _angel_ is behind these deaths,' Castiel said softly. He didn't want to believe it. Had things gotten so bad? He looked up at Dean for answers.

Dean embraced Castiel with his Grace, sending waves of reassurance. He felt a soft numbness in response. 'Look, go back to Heaven and lay low for a while,' he said.

'What about Alastair?'

Dean shrugged and waved a hand in a vague gesture. 'Tell them I was torturing him for information, and...he broke free. Demon backup came. Or something. Tell them you had to kill Alastair in order to save me.'

Castiel gave Dean a doubtful look.

'Trust me. According to all your buddies, I'm human and entirely incapable of even tying my own shoes. They'll buy it.'

Castiel sighed and looked away. 'Very well.'

Dean nodded and turned away. 'Good. Now that _that_ dilemma's out of the way, I have to get back,' he said as he let his senses go back to following the ghosts. Perhaps he should clean house before going back. It was the apocalypse, after all. He needed to be in tiptop shape. He was sharply pulled back to himself when a pair of arms wrapped around him. He relaxed into Castiel's hold and let his Grace mingle. He let out a sigh as he could still feel deep regret coming from Castiel.

'Do you forgive me?' Castiel asked.

Dean had to bite his tongue. Part of him wanted to retort with a smart-assed comment, but he knew Castiel still had an uneasy handle on informal human language. He ran his hand along Castiel's arms. 'I forgive you,' he replied. He smiled when Castiel hugged more tightly, and he felt Castiel's guilt ease away.

Castiel had been feeling a slight need to confront Dean about the past. He needed to let Dean know that all was forgiven. And he knew the other angel wouldn't take it well. He took a deep breath, inhaling Dean's human scent. 'Dean...Seraphiel,' Castiel said softly. 'I forgive you.'

Dean froze. He let out a nervous laugh. 'Er...I didn't ask. I mean... What for?'

'For siding with Lucifer,' Castiel replied. 'For leading the innocent astray. For everything.'

Dean gave a halfhearted pull, but Castiel held him tightly in place. No, Castiel couldn't forgive Seraphiel for his actions. He was responsible for so much pain and suffering, how could _anyone_ forgive him? He didn't deserve forgiveness.

'Please, Seraphiel,' Castiel said and wrapped his wings around them. 'Please accept my forgiveness.'

Dean struggled against Castiel's hold. 'Don't call me that! How can you forgive me?! Do you have _any_ idea how many angels I personally killed in Lucifer's name?! I was good at it! I _enjoyed_ it! I don't _deserve_ your forgiveness!' Dean pulled harder and desperately tried to push Castiel's Grace away. He was having a hard time dividing his attentions. 'And who are _you_ to forgive _me_? Just some foot soldier stationed on Earth. You have no say in anything. No power. They probably didn't even call on you during the rebellion, you don't matter!'

Castiel ignored Dean's hurtful shouts and forced his way deeper into Dean's Grace, leaving behind a trail of love and forgiveness. 'I forgive you, Seraphiel,' he repeated.

'No, you don't!' Dean shrieked as he tried to flap his wings out in an attempt to dislodge Castiel. The sounds of glass shattering echoed throughout the building when he sent out a short burst of energy. No one had ever gotten so far into his Grace before. Not even Lucifer. He was completely disoriented. He could feel Castiel curiously pressing against some of his memories. If Castiel wanted to see just what Seraphiel had done, then fine. He stopped resisting and pushed his memories of the war forward. Brothers and sisters that had fallen under his blade. Humans whose lives he had destroyed. Humans he put on the path to becoming demons. He just wanted Castiel to understand that he couldn't be forgiven. If God couldn't forgive him, then how could Castiel?

Castiel felt an overwhelming sadness at the memories, but not for the lives affected by Seraphiel. His sadness was for Seraphiel. For the angel that had Fallen so far and for so long. For each memory he saw, he placed a kiss on the back of Dean's neck and repeated, 'I forgive you, Seraphiel.'

Dean fought against Castiel. He kicked and screamed obscenities. He threw his power around, knocking neglected factory equipment into walls as if they weighed nothing. But Castiel would not budge. He clawed frantically at the arms wrapped protectively around him. His energy was quickly diminishing.

Another kiss and another whispered forgiveness in his ear. He cringed as he panted, completely exhausted. It was the complete opposite of his exile. The hatred and debilitating attacks, replaced by love and a tender protectiveness. He was being attacked by Castiel's love and forgiveness on all sides. He tried to rally his energy for another push against Castiel, but found that he had managed to burn through it all. Even his limbs were having trouble cooperating. He was reminded of being dragged from Hell and fighting against Castiel all the way. He let out a mournful laugh. He was back to being next to useless again. At least this time he wouldn't have to sneak around, sniping recharges. He instantly felt a pang of guilt for not telling Sam. For letting Sam find out in the worst way possible. Lost in his misery, he didn't struggle as Castiel turned him around. He reluctantly met Castiel's eyes when his chin was tilted up.

Castiel gave Dean a sad smile and softly kissed him. 'I forgive you, Dean,' he said when he pulled back.

Dean stared at Castiel in shock. He could feel the forgiveness and love. But most of all, there was Castiel's acceptance. Of who he had been and who he had become. He clung onto Castiel for support, his exhaustion from his struggles catching up to him. He blinked as Castiel reached up and wiped away the tears from his cheeks. When had he started crying?

'Will you accept my forgiveness?' Castiel hesitantly asked.

Dean stared silently at Castiel for a few minutes. He just couldn't comprehend why Castiel would forgive him and accept him for who he was. He didn't deserve this. He had been waiting for so long for his Father to either punish or forgive him. Anything. But, clearly, his Father had abandoned him. But he had been brought back from Hell... His Father _must_ have given the order, unless...unless Heaven was just working on a preexisting checklist. Castiel had mentioned how the one who started the apocalypse would be the one to end it. Was his vessel part of a much deeper prophecy than he had originally thought? He had been out of the loop for such a long time, he barely knew anything on the seals. If Heaven really was on auto-pilot, then what should he do?

Dean's thoughts came to a grinding halt as Castiel kissed him quite thoroughly. 'Dean?'

'Wha...?' He tried to recall Castiel's question.

'Do you accept my forgiveness?'

'Oh...right...' Dean sighed. 'Why? _How_ can you just forgive...all that?'

Castiel smiled at Dean and replied, 'Because I love you.'

'Well, yeah, obviously,' Dean said dismissively. Of course Castiel loved him, but that didn't mean anything. Dean still loved Lucifer. It didn't mean he was going to drop everything and help out with the apocalypse.

Castiel took on a frustrated frown. 'No, you misunderstand,' he said. He let out a pulse of energy along his Grace and into Dean's, knowing no human word could possibly describe how he felt.

Dean was overcome with the loving feelings he was getting from Castiel. It was much more than the love of friends or lovers. More than a passing interest in something new. More than anything he had felt from Castiel before. Castiel wanted to spend eternity with him. Stay with him and kiss away his pains and worries. A few images leaked through the connection—accidental or on purpose, Dean wasn't sure. But he could easily tell that Castiel was _very_ interested in exploring the more physical aspects of their relationship. And the boring angel had _quite_ the imagination.

Dean refused to believe that he was blushing. The burning heat on his cheeks came from Castiel's need. The need to be with Dean. To stand by him. To protect him.

The absolute willingness to Fall for him.

Dean tightly shut his eyes at the realization. Sure, Castiel may have told him as much before, but a verbal admission was nothing compared to the knowledge and promises passed through Grace.

'I...I accept,' Dean managed to say though his tears. Everything he wanted, everything thing he needed was being offered to him. 'I accept everything. But not that.' He looked pleadingly at Castiel. 'Don't Fall. Don't leave Heaven. Not for me.'

'But—'

'No! Please, don't make me responsible for that,' Dean begged. 'You want me to be happy? Then stay in Heaven. Promise me.'

Castiel frowned, but nodded all the same.

Dean breathed a sigh of relief and collapsed against Castiel. He hummed happily as fingers trailed through his hair and down to his wings. For a moment, he felt like he was back in Heaven. 'Thank you,' he said quietly.

'You should get back to your brother,' Castiel said.

Dean nodded into Castiel's chest. 'Yeah, just let me grab a quick bite,' he muttered.

Castiel stiffened at the prospect of Dean snagging a ghost. Even though he didn't like it, he could understand Dean's need to replenish lost energy by draining other beings. He did, however, take issue with the fact that Dean was being so casual about. He let Dean know his disapproval by quickly flying them both back to Bobby's.

.-.-.-.-.

Bobby dropped his beer, the bottle shattering on the floor. 'Jesus fuckin' Christ!'

Sam rushed into the kitchen, expecting the worst. What he found was his brother desperately clutching onto Castiel, inches in front of Bobby. 'Dean! Are you alright?'

Castiel carefully guided Dean to the nearest chair.

Dean slumped against the table and glared up at Castiel. 'What did I say about dragging me along?' he growled.

'You do not possess the energy for flight at present,' Castiel stated.

'I was gonna _fix_ that.'

Castiel looked at the floor. 'I did not want you to pursue your old habits,' he hesitantly admitted.

'What habits?' Sam asked.

'The usual,' Dean replied. 'Apparently, Cas doesn't want me snacking on ghosts.' He huffed in annoyance. 'It's not like I have much of a choice, y'know.'

'I wish you felt otherwise,' Castiel sadly replied.

With their Graces still entwined, Dean started poking around, trying to figure out just what Castiel was on about. He scratched at his head before replying. 'Look, I know you don't like it—you_ and _Sammy,' he said, looking to Sam. 'But...I can't just wait around for my power to slowly come back. Not right now, at least.'

Castiel nodded in understanding. He still didn't like it, but he could understand Dean's reasoning. 'I should get back... Please, don't...do anything too drastic.'

'We'll keep him outta trouble,' Bobby said.

Castiel gave Bobby a quick nod before vanishing.

With Castiel's disappearance, Dean felt empty and alone. He barely registered Sam's presence by his side.

'Dean? Dean! Hey, snap out of it,' Sam said as he gently shook his brother. He snapped his fingers in front of Dean's face.

'What?' Dean half whined as he rolled his head in Sam's direction.

'Are you okay?'

Dean rolled his eyes and shrugged.

'What the Hell happened?' Bobby asked. 'You were just fine when you left.'

'Mmm...intervention?' Dean offered as he lazily rubbed his neck. At the confused looks he was receiving, he elaborated. 'Cas got it in his head that he needed to forgive me. And shove it down my throat. Trying to keep him out of my Grace took a lot out of me.'

Sam frowned at Dean.

'I thought you two were uh...,' Sam faltered, not exactly sure what Dean's relationship with Castiel was.

'We're... I dunno, man. It's complicated.'

'Wait, you and that _angel_ are...' Bobby paused, trying to think of a good word.

'_Complicated_,' Dean ground out.

'He's an _angel_,' Bobby shot back. 'Ain't there some sorta rule against that?'

Dean gaped at Bobby then turned his attention to Sam. 'What is it with you guys? Is there some...human thing where you're just incapable of believing angels can fuck around?!'

'Well, angels are sexless, right?' Sam said, blushing slightly as he reminded himself that his highly sexual brother was an angel. 'I mean, how would they...you...er...be intimate?'

'Through our Grace. Or, if you wanna get physical, try our wings. I happen to like my tail being stoked,' Dean replied. It was surreal. He never dreamed that he would be speaking to Sam about an angelic version of the birds and the bees talk.

'Tail?' Sam repeated.

Dean threw his arms up in frustration. 'I'm not having this conversation anymore!' he declared. 'Today has been a little _too_ fucked up for my tastes.' He stood up and unsteadily made his way out of the kitchen, gripping the door frame as his head swam and his vision blacked out. He closed his eyes and waited for the feeling to pass. The moment he could stand on his own, he was going to hunt down _something_. He was weaker than he was from his return trip from Hell.

'Dean?!' Sam quickly stepped up to Dean, ready to lend a helping hand if needed.

Dean waved Sam and Bobby off. 'I'm _fine_. I'm gonna crash on the couch for a while,' he said. 'A long while.' He quickly left the room and made his way to the couch.

Bobby sighed as a loud crash came from Dean's direction.

'I can fix that,' Dean's voice shouted out. '...Later...'

Bobby gave Sam a look. 'I think I was happier not knowin' 'bout him.'

Sam shrugged in response. Dean was right. That day had been too weird. It was just one thing right after another. They could certainly use a break from the craziness.


	14. Chapter 14

AN: Thank you, thank you, thank you! Y'all are so nice. You have no idea! So, bit of dialogue for this chapter have been lifted from the episode _Jump the Shark_. Mostly a chapter addressing what happened, acknowledging the episode, and viewpoints. Mostly a glancing tweak of the episode. I'll try to get these things out more quickly—this chapter gave me hell with rewrites and reworking.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.  
Waiting for Salvation  
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Dean stared at the ceiling. He had just slept. Actually slept. And dreamt. Not just traipsing along his or some other being's dreamscape, but a real dream spawned from what he presumed was his imagination. In his dream, Sam was an antlered banana, and the walls had bled light bulbs. He would have found it amusing, had it not frightened him to the core. Angels didn't dream. _He_ couldn't dream.

Dean shifted uncomfortably on the couch before sitting up. He felt...odd. Rested, but still without power. His body was sore, and his wings hurt. He brought his wings out and sighed at the slight relief from the constant throb. He hoped everything was due to his lack of energy.

Sam entered the room just as Dean stood and stretched. He could just make out the faint shadow of Dean's wings being cast across the wall. 'Are you feeling better?' he asked.

Dean popped a few joints as he shook his head. 'Not really,' he replied. He looked at Sam and wondered if he should mention his dream. Probably. 'So... I had this dream...'

'Yeah?' Sam came further into the room. With him, he carried a list of potential hunts. One in particular would prove to be a silver lining or a complete disaster.

Dean waited until Sam finally looked at him. 'That's the whole point, Sam. I dreamt.'

Sam frowned at the worry evident in Dean's voice. 'Well, what was it about?'

'No—Sammy...' Dean let out a frustrated sigh as he ran his hand through his hair. 'I have _never_ had a dream.' He held up a hand when he saw Sam was about to argue. 'And it's not an issue of not remembering dreams. I'm not human. I don't need sleep. When my body's asleep, I'm...astral projecting or some shit. Not. Dreaming.'

Sam watched as his brother went from somewhat calm to absolutely frantic. 'Well, maybe it's because you're so low on energy,' he offered. 'You're...in a human vessel,' he said, still feeling uneasy about the concept of Dean's vessel. 'Maybe that has something to do with it.'

Dean frowned and looked away. 'I hope that's it. I've never been this low, Sammy,' he admitted.

'Then we'll just find a nice, easy job. I've gone through all the voicemails and found a few hauntings,' Sam said as he raised his notebook. 'After we—'

Dean snatched the list from Sam. 'Ghost'd be easiest—liquids to solids and all that.'

Sam tried to retrieve the notebook before Dean saw his scribblings for one of the messages left on one of their father's old numbers. 'Then how about the haunting over in northern Iowa. It's close and—'

'Who's Adam?'

Sam's shoulders slumped in defeat. 'He left a message on Dad's phone.'

'Never heard of him. Hunter needin' help?'

'Not...really.'

Dean looked up at Sam. He studied his brother for a moment and decided he didn't like what he was seeing. 'Sam? Who's Adam?'

Sam bit his lip. 'He's... I think he's our brother.'

Dean stared at Sam in disbelief. 'Bullshit.'

'I already looked him up. He's a real person, and...about nine months before he was born...Dad was in Windom on a hunt. I found a newspaper article with his picture, and two pages are torn out of Dad's journal.'

'So? That don't mean shit, and you know it.'

Sam sighed. He knew Dean wouldn't take the news well. At least Dean didn't have the power to cause any damage—especially since he no longer needed to worry about blowing his cover. 'Look, we'll go check out that haunting, then we can see about Adam. I mean, if he is lying, then at least we'll be prepared,' he reasoned.

But it was too late. Dean already had his phone out and was dialing the number written next to the name.

Sam winced at Dean's harsh tone. Maybe he should have called Adam before speaking with Dean. At least then the poor kid would have been spared Dean's less than sympathetic declaration of their father's death.

When Dean finally disconnected the call, he turned to Sam. 'We're goin' to Minnesota.'

'Dean—'

'We're gonna find out _what_ that thing is and take it out,' he said as he shoved the notebook at Sam and headed out of the room.

'And what if he really _is_ our brother?'

Dean stopped short. He hadn't thought about it. If everything Adam had said was true, then... 'We give him our condolences and stay out of his life. He'll be better off.'

Sam reluctantly nodded.

.-.-.-.-.

Dean was getting more and more agitated the closer they got to Windom. Sam had managed to talk Dean into meeting up with Adam the next day. Barely. He felt that Dean could use a spare night to get used to the idea that they might have another brother.

That night, Dean dreamt he was back in Heaven. He had his Father's love, Lucifer was behaving, and Castiel was by Dean's side. It was perfect.

When he awoke, he locked himself in the bathroom until he could stop crying. He was grateful that Sam didn't say anything.

They arrived at the diner they had agreed to meet at, and Sam was beginning to think that they should have called Adam up and postponed their meeting even longer. Dean was obviously miserable. Tired and emotionally exhausted, he was in no state to handle a delicate situation.

Sam winced as Dean snapped at the waitress. He silently watched as Dean emptied the glass and filled it with Holy water. He wasn't very surprised when Dean pulled out the silverware and replaced the diner's plain utensils. He understood that there was a high possibility that their so-called long-lost brother was a trap, but he just couldn't understand why Dean was so offended by the whole idea.

Things went downhill quickly when Adam showed up. Sam wasn't quite sure what was up with Dean. Even after Adam passed Dean's tests, Dean still wouldn't buy that Adam was their brother.

Sam was just about to follow Dean out the diner when Adam called out to Dean. 'I can prove it.'

That was how Sam and Dean ended up in the Milligan household. Dean couldn't put his finger on it, but something just wasn't right about Adam. Sure, the kid's story was plausible, and Sam's evidence backed it up, but something was off.

And then there were the family photos. Hugs, smiles, baseball... _He_ never got to go to a baseball game. He knew it shouldn't bug him as much as it did—John wasn't even his real father—but it was like one big reminder. As much as Dean had tried to be a good son to John Winchester, the neglect he experienced only served to remind him of the absence of his real Father. Quite simply, Dean was jealous. He would have traded all the time spent in John's _presence_ for a few short visits if it had meant he'd have gotten John's love and attention.

Dean shook the thoughts from his head and focused back on Adam. He wondered if Adam's mother was human. There were plenty of halfbreeds running around. But, he was pretty sure that John would have been more careful about something like that. He desperately wished he had his powers back. He hated being so useless. So...human.

Dean felt even more unsure when he found bits of Adam's mother in the ventilation. He couldn't get a decent read off of the chunks. Human, not human, age... Nothing. Whatever was going on, he could cross off the idea that Adam was the monster John had hunted—the kid didn't feel old enough.

In the privacy of their motel room, Dean voiced his suspicions to Sam. Sam suggested that paranoia was playing tricks on him. Dean had to admit that is was entirely possible. But, he still felt like he had no reason to trust Adam. He reluctantly admitted to Sam that they should have gone on the ghost hunt first.

Sam gave Dean an encouraging smile before Adam burst through the door, demanding answers.

Dean let out a frustrated growl as Sam told Adam the truth. Much to Dean's irritation and surprise, Adam took the news quite well. Family or not, he was just too trusting. It was very suspicious.

Dean played his mistrust of Adam off as upholding their father's intentions of protecting Adam. He could understand Adam wanting to avenge his mother's death, but the boy was in no position to be of any help.

Dean was confused and annoyed. He needed to get out of the small room and clear his head. He figured Sam could keep an eye on Adam while he did some investigating.

At least that was one thing he could still do. He found out a little bit more on what had happened seventeen years ago, but nothing to help narrow down what they were after.

He arrived back at the motel just in time to rescue Sam from being dragged into the sewers. He dipped his fingers in the fresh blood, but refrained from tasting it—one thing that both Sam and Dean agreed on was that Adam didn't need to know what Dean really was. Not yet.

Dean was less than thrilled when Sam hinted at using Adam as bait. Even less so at the prospect of training the kid and bringing him into the life of a hunter. But Adam wanted it, and Sam wanted to do it, so Dean let them have their fun.

Dean wanted the hunt to be over. Every day they spent on the job meant another night of dreaming. He didn't know how much more he could take. How could humans stand it? Being shown such bliss and happiness, only to have it ripped away every morning.

He was contemplating the meaning of his latest dream when Sam started reciting a very familiar speech to Adam. It seemed so wrong coming from Sam. Dean pulled Sam aside, hoping that Sam was going to reveal that he was giving the speech to Adam in order to scare him off. Apparently, that was not the case.

'He's a Winchester; he's already cursed,' Sam said cynically, momentarily throwing Dean off.

Sam couldn't know about the bloodline. About being Lucifer's true vessel. No, Sam was simply referring to all the shit going on in their lives. Some of it was a little more extreme than what the average hunter came across, but it was still pretty standard. And if Adam really was their brother—human or some little halfbreed—Dean was going to hunt down the monster after him and prove they weren't cursed. He would take another look and find it. And kill it.

Back in the mausoleum, Dean extended his senses out as far as he could. He could just make out the faint traces of a supernatural creature in one of the corners. He found a loose stone and the narrow tunnel hidden behind. It reeked of death. He sighed, not looking forward to having to crawl through the hole. He really wished he could just zap over to the other side.

He was about to enter the hole when he felt a presence lingering just outside the mausoleum. He set down the flashlight, and slowly, carefully, Dean edged away from the hole. He kept low and made his way back to the entrance. He tightened his grip on the crowbar and came out swinging. He hit the creature squarely in the chest.

He raised the crowbar for another swing as he watched the blonde stumble against the wall. He reached out, trying to get a feel for what he was dealing with. It felt just like Adam and about the same age, too. When the creature looked up, Dean was greeted with Kate Milligan's face. He reflexively took a step back. There was no way she could still be alive. There was too much blood, and the thing in front of him was too young. Not a shapeshifter, missing corpses...

'Yer a ghoul,'

'Y'know, I find that term racist,' the ghoul replied before charging at Dean.

Dean took a steadying breath. He dropped the crowbar and slammed his hand against the ghoul's head. He opened the path to the void where his power should be.

Black and red wafts of energy engulfed his hand and the ghoul's head. He almost pulled back when bright white sparks burst forth. When there was no life left in the ghoul, Dean pulled his hand back with a snap. He fell to his knees, gasping for air.

He really should have started with a ghost. He winced as he stood.

Everything was...brighter. He might not have been completely back to speed, but he could at least feel the fresh corpses nearby, tainted by the ghouls' work.

He flitted into the hidden chamber and located Joe, Kate, and Adam. Poor Adam. The kid really was John's third son. At least he was in a better place. Even with that thought, Dean felt a flash of anger. Anger at himself for being jealous, anger for the life cut short, and anger at the ghoul parading around as Adam, playing them for fools.

He flew back outside and stood over the ghoul's corpse. He really shouldn't, but he wanted to catch the other ghoul off guard. He would need this ghoul's scent for that. A knife materialized in his hand, and he set to work.

.-.-.-.-.

Dean landed just outside the front door of the Milligan house. He could pinpoint the ghoul's location, and Sam was right there, too. No doubt waiting over the open vent in the master bedroom. He threw open the door and entered the house. He called out to 'Adam' with a pitch-perfect imitation of Kate's voice.

He listened as Adam ran downstairs, closely followed by Sam.

'Mom! Mo—D-Dean?!' Adam looked wildly around, searching for the other ghoul. He could smell her, but...

Sam tilted his head in question at Dean.

Dean smiled at his brother in response. 'Hope you don't mind, Sammy, but I grabbed a quick bite while I was out,' he said. He turned to Adam and let his easy smile slip to a smirk. 'I brought you some leftovers.'

'Where's my mom?' the ghoul asked, pacing back and forth. 'I know I heard her.'

'Yeah, sorry. Just a cheap trick,' Dean replied with a shrug. 'But here's what's left of your sister or brother or...whatever it is you guys are.' Dean held out his hand, revealing a bloodied heart. 'Ghouls eat dead things, right?'

The ghoul screeched in response, and Dean brought out his wings. The lights flickered, revealing feathered shadows on the walls, and the ghoul shrank back.

'What are you?!'

Sam had brought up his shotgun and was aiming it at the ghoul's head. 'Dean?'

'This one's all yours, Sam,' Dean replied.

The ghoul turned towards Sam, and Sam blew its head off.

Sam grimaced as the body twitched on the floor. He looked over at Dean. 'So you're...good now?' he asked.

Dean tossed the heart on the floor next to the ghoul. He shook his hand out, and the blood vanished. 'I'm good enough,' he replied. He was still a little put off by the sparks of white light. He brushed it off as being completely depleted of his energy and not working his way up from the residual energy of ghosts to the more robust life force of a solid creature.

'Let's clean up this mess and give Adam a proper burial.'

Sam frowned at Dean in confusion.

'Adam—the _real_ Adam—really was our brother. The pictures, the journal...none of that was faked. I found his body in the cemetery.'

'So we were too late,' Sam said quietly.

Dean shook his head. 'We didn't know. There was no way we could have saved him.'

'He didn't deserve this.'

Dean nodded in agreement.

They cleaned up their mess and gave Adam a hunter's funeral on Dean's insistence.

That night, Dean didn't sleep. For a short while, he watched Sam sleep. He no longer felt his body's exhaustion pulling at him, and he was grateful. Or, he thought he was. He had quickly come to feeling apprehension over falling asleep, but, now... As he watched Sam, he couldn't help but want the bliss he had attained in his dreams. Even if it was for a teasingly short time and completely intangible.

He sighed to himself and pulled out the list of jobs Sam had made. He hoped sapping a few ghosts would prevent the white sparks from returning.


	15. Chapter 15

AN: Um… Hi. Sorry this took forever. During the time I could have been working on this, I started up a fancomic. It's over on my tumblr, tagged as fireexit!verse. Link is in my profile. Er… Yeah… Anyway, this chapter gave me a lot of problems and didn't really start to flow until recently. I hope y'all like it and aren't too irritated by my flakiness!

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Waiting for Salvation  
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Castiel flew quickly. He had to warn Dean. He stretched his senses far and felt no other angels in his immediate vicinity. He landed in a vacant factory and looked around before sending a desperate prayer to God for some sort of sign. Some clue. There was no response. Not that he was really expecting one.

He did another sweep of the area with his senses before reaching out with his Grace to locate Dean. He was quite surprised to find Dean already asleep.

Castiel looked around the dreamscape. It was quite simple: a pier on a quiet lake with trees in the distance. He looked down at Dean, uncertain as to what was going on.

Dean looked up and frowned at Castiel. 'Are you real, or did I just make you up?'

'I am very much real… I—what is going on?' Castiel asked as he looked across the lake. He had trouble focusing on the trees—their forms kept bleeding into each other.

Dean coughed self-consciously and looked away in embarrassment. 'I uh… I'm trying my hand at dreaming. Just…simple stuff right now.'

Castiel stared at Dean in confusion. 'Why?'

Dean fiddled with the fishing rod. 'I… You left me pretty drained. I slept. …I dreamt.'

Castiel stared at Dean in surprise. 'How…? What was it like?' he asked, genuinely curious.

Dean let out a bitter laugh. 'It sucked.'

Castiel frowned, not understanding why Dean would pursue something that so clearly caused him pain. He looked away, refocusing on why he was appearing to Dean within a dream. 'We need to talk. I have something of great importance to tell you.'

Dean looked up at Castiel with wary interest. 'Is this something I _want_ to know?'

Castiel shook his head. 'No.'

Dean sighed and looked back out at the lake. 'So what's so important that you can't tell me in person?'

Castiel opened his mouth and quickly shut it. There was an angelic presence closing in on him. There was no time. He brushed Dean's Grace with his own and sent his location to Dean just before vanishing.

Dean's head snapped in Castiel's direction, but the angel was gone. Along with the factory's location, Castiel had unwittingly sent his fear and desperation.

Dean immediately woke up and pulled himself up from the couch. 'Sam!' he yelled out. 'You have five minutes, then we're headin' out!'

.-.-.-.-.

Dean scanned the area with his senses as he pulled up to the factory. It was the right place, but there was no sign of Castiel.

'He's not here,' he said gruffly.

'Well, maybe he left a note?' Sam said as his eyes swept over the old building. 'I mean, he must have left a clue or something if it was that important.'

Dean sighed as he leaned against the steering wheel. 'Yeah, maybe,' he said doubtfully.

Upon entering the building, they found the place a complete mess. Dean could feel slight traces of angelic power lingering.

'There was a fight here,' Dean said as he stepped over a fallen beam.

'Demons?'

'Angels,' Dean corrected as his flashlight settled on the large Enochian banishment spell. 'What did you get yourself into, Cas?' he muttered.

'Dean! I found him!' Sam shouted from close by.

Dean did a quick sweep, but found no sign of the angel. Just a human. As he got closer, he saw Casitel's vessel lying unconscious in a pile of rubble. Why would Castiel leave his vessel? What was so urgent?

Before Dean could correct him, Sam was already addressing the human by Castiel's name.

'Castiel? No… I'm not Castiel. It's me,' the human replied in daze.

'Who?' Sam asked.

'Jimmy.'

Dean stared as Sam helped Castiel's vessel stand. He still felt a vague attraction to the man, but without Castiel's presence and Grace, it just wasn't the same. He wondered if Castiel would return. Did someone in Heaven find out about them? About Seraphiel? Was Castiel being punished? Would he ever return?

Dean's heart clenched at the thought. If Castiel was locked up in Heaven, then… No. He refused to believe it. Castiel _would_ return. And when he did, he would need his vessel. So, until that time, Dean would need to keep Jimmy safe.

.-.-.-.-.

Dean rubbed his neck as he looked though the motel window at Jimmy, who was still enjoying his fast food. 'I'm gonna try lookin' for Cas. See what I can find out,' he said.

'What should I tell Jimmy?' Sam asked.

'Nothin'. I'm leaving my body here.'

'What?! Won't that make you…dead or…something?'

'I'll be back before rigor mortis sets in,' Dean replied.

'Rigor—Dean!'

'Look, I'm kinda recognizable,' Dean said defensively. 'Both as a human and an angel. And I can't…I can't have anyone making the connection.'

'But…what if you can't…come back?'

'Think of it like Ruby with coma girl.'

Sam gave Dean a doubtful look.

'Sam, it'll be fine. _I'll_ be fine. I'll leave enough juice to keep vitals going for a few hours,' Dean said reassuringly. 'Just keep an eye on Jimmy.'

.-.-.-.-.

Dean slinked through the shadows, looking for a decent meat suit. His search for Castiel had been fruitless. The angel was nowhere on Earth. And, as much as he liked the mangy crow he currently wore, he would need something human.

He found one exiting a nearby night club, drunk off her ass and followed closely by a couple of vampires. Well, Dean could do _one_ good deed before using the poor girl. Maybe it would balance out his karma.

He slipped into the girl as she stumbled around the corner. He leaned against the wall as he shifted the human's consciousness into sleep.

'Hey, Sweetie, need some help?' said a smarmy voice as a hand rested on Dean's new arm.

Dean craned his neck up to look at the two men. 'If I were you, I'd start running. Or else…' He trailed off with a shrug.

The two vampires laughed. 'Or what?' One asked as he ran a finger up Dean's arm. 'You'll Mace me?'

Dean pushed off the wall and shifted his weight. And promptly fell on his ass. He glared up at the laughing vampires. They extended their teeth, grinning down at Dean.

He was angry and embarrassed. As one leaned in, Dean reached up and grabbed him by the neck. He brought out his wings and let his power brush over the vampires. That would show them to laugh at him.

'W-what?!'

Dean grinned as he drained the vampire of its life force.

The white sparks were still there, and Dean chose to ignore them. He had other things to worry about at that moment.

'W-what are you?' the second vampire asked as he backed away.

Dean stood shakily. 'Way out of your league,' he replied. He quickly closed the distance between them and sapped the vampire.

He let out a sigh as he reached out with his newly recharged power. He couldn't risk going to Heaven, and he didn't want to deal with a whole group of angels. He needed to find _one_ angel, preferably younger. One he could easily bully for information. He was about to try somewhere else, when he felt the slightest trace of a familiar Grace.

'Oh, you'll do nicely,' he muttered to himself and took off.

.-.-.-.-.

Dean kept his Grace well-concealed as he approached the other angel's location. He found her on a rooftop, staring off into the distance. He almost lost his balance when he landed, but quickly caught himself on a wall. He tucked his wings away and readied himself.

'Hello, Anna,' he greeted with a grin.

Anna spun around. There were no other angels around. No demons, either. She stared at the girl that stood on the rooftop with her. Cautiously, she reached out with her Grace, but found nothing. As far as she could tell, the girl was human. She found thoughts on college, stress about money, exams, speeding tickets… Just a normal human.

'Do you like it?' Dean asked as he indicated the body he wore. 'A bit short for my tastes.'

Anna frowned. 'Who are you? _What_ are you?'

'Oh, that's right! We've never been properly introduced. Probably before your time…,' Dean replied conversationally. He revealed his wings and let his Grace caress Anna's. He forced a grin when she recoiled.

'S-Seraphiel!' She took a step back, but still stood tall. 'I'm not afraid of you!'

'Oh, yeah?'

'I killed your friend,' she said as she pulled out her blade.

'My friend?' Dean repeated. Dean stared blankly at Anna. 'Which one? I got lots of friends.'

'How many more angels are siding with Lucifer?' she questioned as she advanced on Dean.

Dean stood his ground and raised his wings in warning.

Anna stopped. A look of doubt drifting over her features. She was well-trained. She knew she was good. She wasn't just handed her own garrison, she had earned it. But, this was Seraphiel. Head of the Seraphim. Part of God's innermost circle. He had _seen_ God. She had heard the rumors of how powerful he was. How much damage he had caused during the Rebellion. She shifted into a defensive stance.

'Now, then. Which. One?' Dean glared at Anna. Did Castiel let something slip? Did Anna find out and just assume that Castiel was on Lucifer's side?

'Your recruiter, Uriel,' Anna bit out.

Dean couldn't hide his relief. 'Oh, that's fine. I never liked him anyway.'

Anna frowned in confusion. 'But…'

Dean let out an irritated sigh. Just because he Fell, didn't mean he was Lucifer's personal lackey. 'I'm not on Lucifer's side. Not anymore.'

'Then whose side _are_ you on?' Anna asked. She had to concentrate on keeping her eyes locked with Seraphiel's. It was so hard for her to keep from staring at the blood red wings she had only heard whispers about.

'My side,' Dean replied. 'And whose side are _you_ on, Anna? You're not exactly on good terms with Heaven, are you? But you haven't been cut off, either…'

Anna gave Dean a hard glare. 'Whatever it is you're planning, I'll have nothing to do with it. And I _will_ stop you.'

Dean let out a laugh and rolled his eyes. 'I'm not planning anything,' he replied. 'But I would like some information.'

'And you think I'll give it to you?' she scoffed.

'With a little persuasion, yes. If you don't answer, I'm sure I could just ask the Winchesters. I'm sure Dean would be all over this pretty little thing. Ooh, or maybe their little guardian angel. Do you think Castiel knows anything good?' He was fishing for an answer, hoping that Anna would let something slip.

Anna stiffened at the threat, and pointed her weapon at Dean. 'You leave them alone!'

'Mm… That's gonna be a little hard for me to do,' was Dean's honest reply. 'Shouldn't be too hard to find, either. Just follow the path of destruction, right? Just think of all the fun games I could play with them!'

Anna charged at Seraphiel, but the fallen angel was fast. He was off and away, and she couldn't sense him any longer. Tracking down the human would be useless. She wasn't vessel material, and Seraphiel would ditch her as soon as possible.

Why was Seraphiel making himself known? He had been quiet for centuries. What could he possibly want _now_? She needed to warn Sam and Dean. Castiel had been dragged back to Heaven, so he was safe. From Seraphiel, at least.

.-.-.-.-.

Dean returned to his body to find Sam staring at him. He flinched back with a shout. 'Jesus, fuck!'

Sam visibly relaxed as Dean sat up. 'Are you all right?' he asked as he hovered over Dean, half expecting to find fresh wounds.

Dean looked over to Jimmy, but found the other bed vacant. He looked back at Sam in confusion. 'Where's Jimmy?'

Sam's expression quickly changed to one of guilt. 'He…got away.'

'Uh-huh.' Dean raised his brow at Sam. He grabbed Sam's shoulder and pulled himself off the bed. With the physical contact, he gently checked over Sam with his Grace. The demonic taint in Sam's blood was fresh. Small, but certainly fresh. He sighed as he stood. He stumbled as he took a step, and Sam caught him.

'Are you okay?!' Sam asked in alarm.

Dean pushed Sam off with a grunt. 'I'm fine. Just haven't been body snatching in a while.'

Sam frowned. It was disturbing enough to think of Dean leaving his body, but the thought of him possessing another body brought Sam's discomfort to a whole new level.

Dean popped his neck as he headed to the bathroom. He reemerged with his toothbrush. 'Ugh. Was my mouth open the whole time?' He grimaced at Sam's nod.

Sam watched Dean warily, waiting for the inevitable blowup.

'So… Jimmy got away… And where were you?' Dean asked casually.

'Getting a Coke,' Sam lied.

Dean turned from Sam and rolled his eyes. Why was Sam bothering to lie? Did he really think Dean wouldn't find out that he was still drinking demon blood? He sighed as he finished brushing his teeth.

'Well, let's get going. At least we know where he's headed.'

.-.-.-.-.

Dean's mind was on Sam's demon blood addiction when Anna popped up in the back seat. He swerved the car, and blushed deeply at being caught off guard.

'Anna! What are _you_ doing here?' he said, feigning ignorance.

Anna opened her mouth in reply, but quickly shut it as she turned her gaze on Sam. 'Sam, you feel…different.'

Out of the corner of his eye, Dean saw Sam shift uncomfortably. 'I don't know why…'

Anna frowned as she returned her attention to Dean. 'Have you guys encountered anyone…unusual?' she asked.

'Kinda vague, Anna,' Dean pointed out.

'There's an angel. A _fallen_ angel, named Seraphiel. He approached me last night and expressed interest in you two.'

'Well, he can get in line,' Dean said, keeping Anna's attention away from Sam's reaction.

'No, Dean,' Anna pleaded. 'He's bad news. He sided with Lucifer during the rebellion. When he was banished, he set up shop on Earth and caused _a lot_ of damage. _He caused the Black Death!_'

'What?!' Sam exclaimed and stared at Dean.

Dean shrunk a little and kept his eyes on the road ahead. He hadn't meant for it to happen… It was supposed to hit _one_ village, but things had gotten a little out of hand. He cleared his throat and kept his voice level as he spoke. 'So, what did he want?'

'I don't know,' she replied.

'What do you _think_ he wanted?'

Anna sighed. 'The other angels are being very careful of what they say, but I can tell _something_ big is about to happen… Essentially, Earth is Seraphiel's…turf. He probably noticed the increase in angel activity and wants to know what's going on.'

'Don't we all,' Dean commented. So, Anna turned out to be a dead end. Maybe she at least had an idea as to what had happened to Castiel. 'So, uh… Do you know what happened to Cas?'

'He was dragged back to Heaven.'

Dean tried not to wince. 'Do you know why? Did he say anything to you?'

Anna shook her head. 'I was hoping _you_ knew something,' she admitted.

Dean sighed in annoyance. 'No, and Jimmy doesn't remember anything. Nothing important.'

'…Jimmy?'

'Cas's vessel,' Sam replied.

Anna nodded and glanced around the backseat. 'Where is he now?'

Sam looked away uneasily. 'He, uh…got away.'

'What?!'

'Don't worry,' Dean reassured her. 'We know where he is. We're on our way right now.'

Anna huffed and left without a word.

Dean held up a hand, silencing Sam. Once Anna was out of range, he nodded.

'You went after _Anna_?!'

Dean shrugged. 'She was close by, and I figured she'd be easy,' he replied.

'She doesn't suspect anything, does she? I mean, what happens when someone finds out about you?'

Dean bit his lip. He didn't want Sam to know about the whole 'true vessel' thing. If they could keep Lucifer locked up, it wouldn't be an issue. 'There's not much they _can_ do to me… Someone might be very upset, though,' he admitted. He flashed Sam a shit-eating grin. 'But, like I said, there's not much they can do about it. And I can always blame Dad. He's the one that let me get away with all this.'

It took a moment for Sam to realize that Dean was talking about God. Part of him wished he'd never found out. He still had his brother. Dean would always be his brother. But, Seraphiel… What was _Sam_ to the angel? Was Dean just playing a part? Dean had to have lived for aeons. What was one human lifetime to him? How much could one human mean to him?

Sam shook the thoughts from his mind. He had read Chuck's rendition of what had happened the night Sam had found out about Seraphiel. He had read about the loss Dean had felt from Sam's reaction. Dean was still the same over-protective, self-loathing jerk he had grown up with. The only real difference now, was that he knew the reasoning behind the self-loathing.


	16. Chapter 16

AN: Thank you, everyone, for being patient!

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Waiting for Salvation  
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Sam and Dean barely made it in time to save Jimmy and his family. As Dean watched Jimmy's wife approach the car, he cursed himself for not taking care of the demon when he had the chance. He could just gank the demon right there. Knife her, smite her. It wouldn't matter either way. Jimmy would probably hate him for it, and then there would be no way that the human would cooperate. He couldn't _say_ anything, either. He would have to bide his time and hope for the best.

When they left the demon and Jimmy's daughter behind, he finally spoke. 'Sorry to say this, Jimmy, but your wife's possessed,' he said.

'What?! You're lying! How can you tell?!' Jimmy shouted from the backseat.

Dean grimaced and bit his lip. How much should he say? 'Well, y'know how Sam can sorta control demons? I can sense them,' he replied. For someone out of the loop, it would seem plausible.

'Then why did you leave them there? You left my _daughter_ back there with a _demon_! We have to go back!' Jimmy tried to open the door, but it wouldn't budge. He tried the lock, but the door remained in place. 'Let me out!'

Dean slowed the car and eventually stopped. 'I'm keeping track of her,' he said distractedly. 'The further away we get, the harder it is, so do me a favor and shut up.'

'What?! So follow them! Get them back!' Jimmy demanded as he grabbed for Dean.

Dean easily grabbed Jimmy's hand and held it in place. 'Look, they want _you_. They want whatever information you have, and when they find out that you know jack shit, then they'll slowly cut you apart to find out what makes you tick,' he explained. 'They're gonna use your family as bait. We wait for them to contact you.'

'But—'

'They don't know that we know your wife's possessed. They don't know that we can follow them. We have the upper hand right now.'

'Dean's right,' Sam said. 'This is the safest route for your family.'

'How do you know that?' Jimmy wailed as he slumped against the backseat.

'I know how demons work,' Dean replied. 'They'll use your family to lure you in, then, when they have _you_, they'll kill your family in front of you.'

Jimmy stared at Dean in shock. 'You say that as if it's a good thing,' he said numbly.

Dean sighed as he pulled the car back onto the road. 'When dealing with demons, yes. It is a good thing. They want you to suffer, and the best way to do that is to take what you love. If they did it out of sight, it just wouldn't mean as much. You wouldn't have had any chance of saving them. Oh, there may be some guilt, but nothin' compared to if you were actually there. If you were just a little stronger. If you could have said the right thing… They want that shit going through your head. They want you feel more than helpless.'

Dean caught Sam's expression out of the corner of his eye. He gave his brother a quick glance, trying to decipher what it meant. Pity…fear…sympathy… He quickly looked away and renewed his focus on the demon he was tracking. 'Like I said, I know how demons work.'

.-.-.-.-.

They waited several blocks from the abandoned building that Dean had followed the demon to. When Sam's phone rang, Dean reminded Jimmy that he needed to act as if he knew nothing. Jimmy nodded jerkily as he took the phone. He didn't have to pretend for very long.

When Jimmy hung up the phone, he looked up at Dean with a lost expression. 'They're there. They're alive…for now. I…I'm supposed to go alone.'

'Don't worry. We'll be there,' Sam said reassuringly. 'You go in the front door, and we'll sneak in.'

Jimmy stared at the phone in his hands. 'What if something goes wrong? What if—'

Dean clapped a hand on Jimmy's shoulder. 'I won't let them die,' he promised.

Jimmy looked into Dean's eyes and saw nothing but the truth there. For the first time since meeting the young hunters, he felt trust. 'A-all right.'

.-.-.-.-.

Dean snuck along the length of the building, looking for his prey. When he caught sight of a demon patrolling the side entrance, he readied himself. He really didn't want to, but he needed the extra energy. It had been so long since he had absorbed a demon's essence. He exhaled and swiftly ran up behind the demon and placed his hand on the back of its head.

He fell to his knees as the dark energies wracked through his Grace. When he regained his composure, his senses automatically honed in on another demon just inside the door. One more wouldn't hurt.

.-.-.-.-.

When Dean finally joined the party, he staggered into the main room, expecting to find everything perfectly fine. What he found was Jimmy lying in the dirt and bleeding out, Sam drinking the blood of a demon, and Castiel in the body of a little girl. He leaned against the wall as he cocked his head to the side. He hadn't taken _that_ long, had he? Just a couple demons. Maybe more than a couple. He noticed Jimmy's wife approaching Sam and pushed himself off the wall.

He let his power wash over the beings in the room. He flaunted his wings as all eyes turned to him. He sauntered up to one of the demons, too shocked to move. 'Hi, there,' he slurred.

'Th-the demon-angel!' the demon whispered as he took a step back.

Dean's smirk turned to an ugly frown. He narrowed his eyes at the demon. 'Don't call me that,' he hissed and slammed his hand against the demon's forehead. The demon screamed in agony before Dean let it die. He looked up from the corpse to find Castiel staring in disapproval. He quickly looked away. 'Sorry.'

'Let's just end this,' said Castiel as he reached out to smite the demon next to him.

Dean found it off-putting to watch a little girl take down a demon more than twice her size. He heard Sam shout his name and turned to see Jimmy's wife just behind him with a knife in her hand. She was frozen to the spot with thick, black smoke slowly pouring from her mouth.

Dean sobered slightly from his demon binge. This was more than the exorcism he had witnessed Sam perform. This was a demon _dying_. Sam was able to kill demons with his mind. He stared up at Sam in shock. When Sam finished, Dean was vaguely aware of Castiel addressing Jimmy. It wasn't until he felt Castiel transfer his Grace, that he looked to the other angel.

Jimmy's wife ran up to her daughter and protectively took her child in her arms. Castiel stepped around the mother and daughter, completely unaware of their stares.

'Cas…,' Dean said with a slight smile. He reached up to touch Castiel, but stopped at Castiel's glare. 'Cas? What happened?'

'I learned my lesson while I was away, Dean,' Castiel harshly replied. 'I serve Heaven. I don't serve Man, and I certainly don't serve you.'

Dean blinked in confusion. He tentatively ran his Grace over Castiel's and found flecks of anger and hatred burning brightly. He quickly pulled back and shut everything out. He stared at the ground, breathing heavily. He missed the sad look Castiel gave him.

'I will say this: Thank you. For at least _trying_… Though you did fall short in the end,' Castiel said as he moved to walk past Dean.

Dean felt Castiel leave. He was having trouble breathing. It shouldn't matter to him. Everything was as it should be. Seraphiel, ever the screw-up, abandoned by his Father and hated by all of Heaven. It shouldn't matter what Castiel thought of him, but it did. Even if it was pointless, he sent a silent prayer to his Father, asking for some guidance.

Sam caught the lost look on Dean's face. He tried to console his brother, but Dean's eyes never left the blood drying on his lips.

Dean sighed. He knew Sam meant well. Hell, Dean had meant well plenty of times, but that didn't make him right.

Dean mentally went over his current situation. Castiel was safe. Hated Dean, but at least he was alive. Dean could devote his attention to Sam. And Sam needed to be stopped.


	17. Chapter 17

AN: This is hard. =\ Thanks again for stickin' with me. Updates should come a little more quickly now—no longer have a class and various assignments taking up extra time. But I also have Xmas prezzies to make, so…yeah. Also, I apologize for any inconsistencies with corresponding episodes—I haven't watched them in a while, and don't want to rely too much on them either.

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Waiting for Salvation  
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When Sam and Dean entered their motel room, Dean threw himself onto one of the beds with a groan.

'Dean…?' Sam sat on the other bed and carefully watched Dean. Something was off about his brother. Dean had been silent since Castiel had left.

'What?'

'Are you…okay?'

Dean stared at the ceiling. He wasn't okay. Castiel hated him. Sam was drinking demon blood, and Dean was high as fuck on demonic energy. He could feel the corruption seeping through his Grace. He wanted more. He'd have to suffer through withdrawal. Again. It hadn't been fun the first time, but at least he didn't have centuries of addiction behind him this time around. He glanced at Sam. He could worry about it later. Right now, Sam needed to be stopped before it was too late. There was still a bit of blood staining Sam's shirt.

'I'm fine, Sammy.' He sighed as he sat up. He stood and headed towards the door.

'Where are you going?' Sam asked as he got up.

Dean stopped short of the door and faced Sam. He contemplated not telling Sam some of what was going on, but… Sam needed to know. To understand just how bad the demon blood was. He sighed heavily and looked away.

'I sapped a few demons tonight,' he said quietly. 'You have no idea how much I want to hunt one down right now and just… I want to torture them, get their fear so high that I can taste it as I consume them… And not just demons, Sammy. Anything.'

He looked back to see Sam's worried expression. 'I gotta burn off some of this shit before I actually _do_ something I'll regret.'

Sam nodded and sat back down. 'Just…be careful…'

Dean nodded before vanishing.

.-.-.-.-.

'Hey, Bobby—'

Bobby dropped the armful of books he had been carrying and spun to face the intruder. 'Dean?! You…you idjit angel!' He stalked up to Dean, fully prepared to punch him. 'Use the damned door!'

Dean stepped back and raised his hands. 'Sorry. But this is kind of an emergency.'

Bobby narrowed his eyes at Dean. 'What sorta emergency?' he asked.

Dean looked away. 'It's Sam…'

'Somethin' happen to him?' Bobby looked at Dean in concern, placing a hand on Dean's shoulder.

'Not yet… He's been drinkin' demon blood, and it's getting worse. I think… I think he's addicted,' Dean said quietly.

'Addicted to demon blood?!' Bobby shouted. 'How the Hell did he manage that?!'

'Doesn't take much,' Dean replied. 'I'm ridin' a damned good high of demon energy myself right now. Only reason I'm able to keep it together is the thought of Sammy…'

Bobby nodded. 'So, what do we do?' he asked.

'The panic room needs to be prepped,' Dean said, rubbing at his neck. 'He needs to get it out of his system. Cold turkey's the best way.'

'Alright, I'll get the panic room ready for Sam… Anything else?'

'Panic room's already taken care of,' Dean commented distractedly.

'What?'

Dean shrugged. 'I got a lot of energy to burn right now.' He looked at Bobby in worry. 'I just need you to call Sam tomorrow morning. Tell him you found something big. Anything. Just give us an excuse to be here.'

'And if he doesn't believe me?'

'He'll believe you,' Dean assured. 'That's why _you_ have to give him a reason to be here.'

.-.-.-.-.

Dean's plan worked like a charm. He and Bobby sat in the study in silence.

'How long do you think this'll take?' Bobby asked.

Dean shrugged. He was already feeling the effects of his own withdrawal.

'You okay there, boy?'

Dean shook his head. 'I really wanna let Sam out, let him drink all the blood he wants, then drain his victim myself,' he muttered.

Bobby inhaled sharply at the admission. 'Do I need to lock you up, too?'

Dean looked up at Bobby. 'Nah. I've done this before. Sucks…but I can get through it.'

'Is there… I dunno… Demon Nicorette or something?'

Dean laughed as he leaned back. 'I guess I could load up on ghosts and vamps and stuff…'

'Then why don't ya'?' Bobby asked.

Dean bit his lip. 'Ghosts leave me…noticeably high. Everything else… Well, someone would notice if a bunch of monsters went missing. And it would be a Hell of a lot of them to make up for one demon.'

'Right. So, no Nicorette.'

Dean shook his head and smiled. 'No Nicorette, no patch, no nothin'.'

.-.-.-.-.

Sam stared at the ceiling. He was hallucinating. He tried to ignore the visions, but they kept coming, kept saying the right things, the things that hurt him most. He turned his head away from the latest one to find Dean leaning against the door.

'Dean!'

Dean cocked his head to the side as he regarded Sam. 'You're so helpless, Sammy. All of you are, really.'

Sam frowned as Dean pushed off the door and came closer.

'You humans... You have no power. No ability to help yourselves,' Dean said and kneeled next to Sam. He stroked Sam's cheek almost lovingly. 'That's why you couldn't save her. Poor Jesse…' Dean shook his head mournfully. 'I suppose _I_ could have saved her, but…she was only human. Nothing special. Nothing worth saving. Even your mother. Sweet, beautiful Mary. Dead. Could have saved her. Could have let you grown up with a normal life. Didn't.'

Dean grinned at Sam. 'Such a long list, isn't it? All the ones I could have saved, but didn't bother with. How many hunts did we go on where there could have been no casualties? If I had just said one word?'

Sam blinked and looked away. It wasn't Dean. I _couldn't_ be Dean. 'You had your reasons,' Sam spat out.

Dean nodded. 'Yeah… Selfish, really. What's one human life compared to me not being found out?' Dean looked away in thought. 'Well…more like a couple hundred, but hey! No one knows! That's a good thing, right?'

Sam closed his eyes tightly.

'You wanna know the _real_ reason I've got you locked up? Hm?' Dean leaned closer. 'I like you powerless. I like being the one in charge. I may not be able to command the armies of Heaven anymore, but I sure as Hell can push a few humans around. That's why I need you off the demon blood, Sammy. I don't do well with competition.'

'You're not real!'

'Maybe, maybe not. But you know it's true. Just wait until Bobby's no longer useful. Should I just let him die, or should I kill him myself?' Dean asked. 'Y'know, save everyone the trouble.'

.-.-.-.-.

Dean pressed his forehead against the fridge. One demon… Just one. Not two or three. Just enough to tide him over until Sam was better. He groaned lowly as his Grace hummed for more. He spread his wings, casting shadows about the kitchen. No. He could do this. He could last a little longer. Why couldn't he stop at just one?

He giggled to himself. 'You can never stop at just one,' he mumbled.

'What's that?' Bobby asked as he entered the kitchen.

Dean didn't bother moving from his position. 'Demons. Fucking potato chips of the supernatural world.'

Bobby slowly approached Dean. 'Sam's at another lull…'

'I'm gonna get some chips,' Dean declared, straightening.

'Dean…'

'I'm not gonna eat a fuckin' demon, Bobby,' Dean said, facing Bobby. 'But I need some sorta vice right now. I'm getting chips, pie, beer, pretzels, dip, pie, and some cookie dough.'

Bobby stared at Dean. 'I could go get it,' he offered.

'I'll be fine. There's no demons around, and I can make it to the store quicker than you.'

Bobby huffed but backed off. 'Fine. But be quick about it.'

Dean nodded happily and took off for the nearest convenience store.


	18. Chapter 18

AN: Longer chapter! More room for the angst that way. Sorry. Large bits of dialogue taken from S04E21. Especially towards the end.

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Waiting for Salvation  
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Dean landed behind the convenience store with a small stumble. He tucked his wings away and straightened his coat self-consciously. He rounded the corner and froze. He could feel a demon lurking nearby. No! He was here for junk food, not…junk food. He braced himself against the wall, feeling the demon coming closer. He was better than this. He could get past this. He could…

'Winchester,' the demon growled as he showed up behind Dean.

Dean clenched his eyes shut, trying to ignore the pulsating want running through his Grace. He dragged his nails against the brick wall. 'Fuck off.'

The demon laughed as he approached Dean. 'Where's baby brother?' he asked.

Dean rounded on the demon and slammed his hand against its chest. 'Not here.' He had meant to kill it, but he had drained it, greedily enjoying the fresh spike of darkness. He pulled his hand back in shock. 'Shit!'

He quickly looked around and cast his senses about to see if there was anything else in the area. Nothing. Not even an evil termite. He shuddered as he tried to take a calming breath. He should have gone somewhere else. Of course there would be demons camping out at the places the Winchesters frequented. He couldn't think straight. He punched at the wall in frustration. He should have just left when he had first sensed the demon.

He looked down at the corpse and waved his hand. The body quickly dissolved into dust. This was okay. It was just a minor setback. One little demon. Nothing big. Nothing to worry about. Chips. He had to get chips. Dean hurried into the store and filled a basket with chips and pie.

After making his purchase, he stood outside and stared at the sky. 'Why do you hate me so much?' he asked. 'Why would you let that happen?!' He kicked at the ground before heading out of sight. He extended his wings and almost took off, but he felt an angel closing in on him. He growled in frustration. He just couldn't catch a break, could he? He quickly hid his wings and backed against the wall. He hoped they hadn't sensed him.

Castiel appeared in front of Dean.

Dean averted his eyes, not wanting to face Castiel after what he had just done. 'What do you want, Castiel?' he asked quietly. He wanted desperately to touch Castiel's Grace, but refrained.

Castiel stared at Dean. He knew the other angel had just absorbed a demon, but he couldn't feel any trace of it. No trace of the angel he had come to know and love. If he hadn't known better, he would have thought Dean was just a normal human. It was the same as when they'd first met. He reached out to Dean's Grace, but couldn't find it, it was locked away so deep. He sighed to himself. He may as well get this over with.

'We need you to swear yourself to Heaven,' he eventually replied.

Dean glanced up at Castiel. 'Me? Why?'

'You are the one to end this.'

'What? Kill Lilith? Stop her from summoning up Lucifer?'

Castiel's expression did not change.

'Why me, huh? Sammy can kill demons with his power now,' Dean said. 'Why not have him do it?'

'The amount of blood required for him to kill Lilith would change your brother forever, Dean,' Castiel replied.

Dean nodded. 'Figures. He'd turn out like me, right?'

Castiel looked at Dean sadly. 'Possibly worse,' he admitted.

Dean closed his eyes and breathed slowly.

'There's no reason this would have to come to pass, Dean,' Castiel said. 'We believe it's _you_, Dean. Not your brother. The only question for us is whether you're willing to accept it. Stand up and accept your role. You are the one who will stop it.'

Dean slowly looked at Castiel. 'So it's either Sam or me…? If I do this… Sammy doesn't have to?'

'If it gives you comfort to see it that way….'

Dean leaned his head back against the wall. A silent prayer to God for guidance went unanswered. 'Fine. I'm in.'

'Do you give yourself wholly to the service of God and His angels?'

Dean scoffed and smiled grimly. 'Yeah….exactly.'

'Say it,' Castiel softly demanded.

Dean frowned and stared at Castiel in confusion. He had trouble reading Castiel's expression. Anticipation. Worry. Fear… '…I give myself over wholly to serve _God_…and you guys,' he said.

'You swear to follow His will and His word as swiftly and obediently as you did your own father's?'

Dean stiffened. Why would Castiel phrase it that way? It was a script. Castiel was working off a fucking script. He narrowed his eyes and glared. 'Yes,' he replied. If Castiel was going to act like that, play the part of the obedient angel, then he'd play his own part. 'I swear.'

Castiel nodded slightly at Dean, the sadness more than evident in his eyes.

'Now, what?' Dean asked.

'Now, you wait,' Castiel replied. 'And we call on you when it's time…'

Dean looked at the ground. What had he just agreed to? When he looked back up, Castiel was gone. He breathed deeply before he flew back to Bobby's.

.-.-.-.-.

Dean slowed and landed just outside the house. Something wasn't right. He scanned everything, but still couldn't place what was off. It was as if a powerful being had just been there, but had covered their tracks. Thoroughly. Dean carefully made his way towards the house and through the front door. He looked around the entryway, not finding anything that would give him a clue.

'Bobby?' he called out, fearing the worst.

There was no answer. He combed the immediate area with his senses. He felt one human presence around the back of the house. He then reached out for the basement. It was empty. 'No…' He dropped the store bag to the floor and ran downstairs. Nothing. The door was wide open, and the devil's traps were broken.

Dean stopped and stared at the open door. 'How…? Who…?! Bobby!' He rushed back up the stairs and out the back door. He found Bobby unconscious on the ground. 'Bobby!' He shook the older man and sent a soft burst of the cleanest energy he could manage into Bobby. Just enough to wake him up.

'What—'

'Sam's gone! What happened?!'

'He got out somehow,' Bobby grumbled as Dean helped him up. 'Tried to make him stay, but he rammed my gun into my head.' He hissed has he touched the growing bruise.

'Something busted up the devil's traps,' Dean said.

'Demons?' Bobby asked.

'Probably Ruby,' Dean bit out in disgust.

'How'd she touch the door?'

Dean shrugged. Whatever had happened, they had waited for Dean to leave. He shouldn't have left. Draining the demon was bad enough, but losing Sam? 'I have to find him.'

Bobby eyed the rattling windows of the nearby junkers. 'Boy, you need to calm down.'

'Calm down?! Sammy's hooked on fucking demon blood and missing, and you want me to _calm down_?!'

Bobby slapped Dean. 'Yes!'

Dean stepped back and stared at Bobby. 'Did you just _slap_ me?' he asked in disbelief.

'And I'll do it again if ya' don't calm down this instant!'

Dean let out small laugh and shook his head.

'Now, then. Where do you think Sam headed?' Bobby asked.

.-.-.-.-.

Castiel stared out at the city lights from his position on the rooftop. Why was he doing this? He wanted to tell Dean everything that was going on, but he couldn't. He had promised. He had promised _Dean_ that he would remain in Heaven. To not Fall. He closed his eyes as he waited. He opened them when he felt Anna's arrival. He slowly turned to face her.

'What did you do?' she asked.

'You shouldn't have come, Anna,' Castiel replied. Part of him hoped she would get the hint and leave.

'Why would you let out Sam Winchester?'

'Those were my orders.'

'_Orders_? Cas…you saw him,' she said, her voice urgent. 'He's drinking _demon blood_! It's so much worse than we thought. Dean was trying to stop him!'

Castiel looked away as two angels appeared behind Anna. 'You really shouldn't have come…'

Anna gasped as she was detained. She gave Castiel one last plea along her Grace before she was dragged away.

Castiel watched in silence then turned back to the cityscape. He had promised.

.-.-.-.-.

They had found a lead on Sam's location. Dean pulled up to hotel then parked a few blocks away. He flew to the hotel and landed in the parking lot. He had managed to stick the landing, but couldn't afford to celebrate.

There were a few demons lingering around the premises. Well, he was already having a shit week, he may as well make it worse. He made quick work of the demons, sucking up their lives, and enjoying every bit of it. After he had finished, he made his way towards the room with a demon and a human.

The door opened, and he hid behind the corner. Sam had left the room, leaving Ruby. Dean grinned to himself. Well, this was going to be easy. He pulled out the demon knife and quietly opened the door. He slowly edged towards Ruby, knife raised.

Ruby heard a noise and turned, expecting to find Sam. She raised her arm just in time to deflect the knife. Her eyes caught the blood-red wings behind Dean. 'W-we're on the same side! Lilith—' she pleaded, narrowly missing another blow from the knife. 'Seraphiel! Please, we can work together!'

'What makes you think I'm on your side, you fucking bitch?' Dean jumped at Ruby. He quickly overpowered her and grinned as he raised the knife.

'No! Let her go!' Sam shouted as he pulled Dean away and took the knife. He shoved Dean away, and Dean caught himself on the bed. 'Just take it easy.' He cocked his head to the side as he stared at his brother. There was something obviously different about Dean. Something much darker.

'Sam,' Ruby said, grabbing Sam's sleeve, 'that's not Dean.' Her eyes flicked to Dean as she hid behind Sam.

Sam glanced at Ruby in confusion. 'What?'

Dean held out his arms. 'Seraphiel,' he announced, unable to keep the bitterness from his voice. 'At your service.'

Sam looked back at Dean. He tried to figure out just what Dean was up to, and why he felt like a demon. 'Why are you here?'

'It's obvious, isn't it? I'm here to gank that bitch,' Dean replied, pointing at Ruby.

'Ruby,' Sam said, pushing her back slightly, 'get out of here.'

'She's not going anywhere!' Dean shouted as he stepped forward. He stared at Sam, unable to grasp how a lowly demon had managed to gain his brother's trust so easily.

Ruby saw her chance and fled while Seraphiel was distracted.

'She's poison, Sam!' Dean cried out.

'It's not what you think, Dean,' Sam replied, trying to reason with Dean.

'Look what she did to you!' Dean pleaded. 'She up and vanishes, weeks at a time, leaving you cracking out for another hit!'

'She was _looking_ for _Lilith_!'

Dean shook his head. 'That's French for "manipulating your ass ten ways from Sunday." I'm damned certain she knew where Lilith was the whole time.'

'You're _wrong_, Dean,' Sam insisted.

'Sam, you're lying to yourself,' Dean said, shaking his head. 'I just...I want you to be okay. You would do the same for me. You _know_ you would.'

'Just listen.' Sam tossed the knife he held onto the bed, trying to show Dean he was willing to reason with him. 'Just listen for a second. We got a lead on a demon close to Lilith. Come with us, Dean. We'll do this together.'

'That sounds great. As long as it's you and me. Demon bitch is a deal breaker. You kiss her goodbye, we can go right now. Tell ya' what: You drink her blood, I'll sap her dry,' Dean suggested. It scared him how much he was willing to carry out that statement.

'I can't,' Sam said quietly. 'Dean, I _need_ her—to help me kill Lilith.'

Dean turned away. Why couldn't Sam see it? Why couldn't he understand?

'I know you can't wrap your head around it,' Sam said, breaking off Dean's thoughts. 'But, maybe, one day…you'll understand. I'm the only one who can do this, Dean.'

Dean stopped and turned to face Sam. 'No,' he replied, 'you're _not_ the one who's gonna do this.'

'Right. That's right. I forgot,' Sam replied patronizingly. 'The angels think it's _you_. _You're_ going to end the apocalypse all by yourself.'

'You don't think I can?'

'No. You can't. You're not strong enough.'

Dean bristled. 'What makes you think I'm not strong enough?'

'Please… You couldn't handle Alastair. What makes you think you can take care of Lilith?' Sam asked.

'And who the Hell are _you_?' Dean snapped.

'I'm being practical here,' Sam calmly replied. 'I'm doing what needs to be done.'

'Yeah? You're not gonna do a single damn thing.'

'Stop bossing me around, Dean!' Sam took a breath. He needed to remain calm. To remain in control. 'Look. My whole life, you take the wheel…you call the shots. And I trust you, because you…you're my brother. Now, I am asking you, for once…trust _me_.' He stared pleadingly at Dean, hoping to get through.

'No. You don't know what you're doing, Sam,' Dean said.

'Yes, I _do!_' Sam insisted.

'Then that's worse!'

'Why? Look, I'm telling you—'

'Because it's not something that you're _doing_!' Dean pointed out. 'If you actually _know_ what you're doing, then it…it's what you _are_! It means…' Dean trailed off. His heart broke for Sam. He had been there. He still was there… Corrupted, addicted, thinking he knew what was best…

'What?' Sam prompted.

'No…'

'Say it.'

'…It means you're a monster,' Dean quietly replied. He didn't get the chance to add 'like me' before Sam punched him hard. Dean stumbled back. The backs of his knees hit the bed, and he lost his footing and fell to the floor. Dean slowly stood, giving Sam an even stare. He punched Sam back.

Sam grabbed at Dean and threw him through a decorative wall. He stared down at Dean. He was so angry at him. It was a long shot, but Dean did feel rather demonic at the moment. He raised his hand and concentrated.

Dean writhed in pain on the floor.

Sam had trouble focusing on the demonic energies coming from Dean. They kept flitting about, and they were not consistent. It was nothing like a normal demon. He wondered if Lilith would feel like that. He finally let up as Dean let out a broken sob.

'You're not my brother,' Sam hissed. 'You don't know me. You never did. And you never will.' He gave Dean one final look before heading for the door.

Dean gasped for air, helpless to stop Sam. 'You walk out that door…don't you _ever_ come back.'

Sam paused.

Dean felt relief. It was quickly replaced by absolute despair as Sam opened the door and left.


	19. Chapter 19

AN: Thank you for your patience! Lots of bits of dialogue taken from 'Lucifer Rising.'

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Waiting for Salvation  
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They were getting closer to finding Lillith. They already had the demon that would lead them to Lillith's location in their grasp, so it was only a matter of time. Sam paced back and forth. He deeply regretted what he had done. Using his power on Dean… Leaving him, broken and alone. But he had to. He was protecting Dean. Keeping him on the right track. Keeping the temptation of Lucifer away.

He had already seen Dean slip, munching on demons and their energy. He knew Dean would do the same for him. Was actually trying to do the same. But Lucifer… Dean was a fool if he thought he managed to keep the longing out of his voce whenever he spoke of the fallen angel.

What Sam was doing was right. Dean had already done so much for him, protected him from so much. It was time Sam returned the favor. He sighed as he entered the house he and Ruby had holed up in.

.-.-.-.-.

Dean sat on the floor where Sam had left him. He hadn't moved from the spot. He stared ahead, not sure of what to do. He had told Sam to never come back. Sam hated him.

Sam was right. They weren't brothers. No matter how much he believed it, how much he wished it, he was Seraphiel, not Dean.

He glanced up when he felt Castiel's approach. He sighed and tucked his wings away, hid his Grace. He stared up miserably at Castiel when the angel appeared.

Castiel's breath caught at the sight of Dean. 'Dean…'

Dean looked away. 'What do you want?' he asked quietly. He closed his eyes and steadied his breathing as he felt himself being transported. When he opened them, he found himself in an ornately decorated room. He slowly pulled himself up and looked around. There was so much angelic power, he could almost pretend he was in Heaven, but it was all fake.

'It's almost time,' Castiel said before vanishing.

Dean stared at the floor. Time…time for what? For him to face Lilith? To be properly punished because he couldn't stop Sam? For God to finally end his suffering? He prayed for the last. He wanted it to all be over with.

He glanced at the table in the center of the room as a wave a power pulsed through. A platter piled high with burgers and a bowl of chilled beers had appeared. He reached out and picked up a beer, examining the label. It was one of his favorites. They were trying to win his favor? Was this a last meal? Were they expecting him to die?

'Hello, Dean,' an unfamiliar voice greeted. 'You're looking fit.'

Dean turned to face the pair of angels that had appeared. He recognized Zachariah's wings. Dean took a step back, fear creeping up his spine. Zachariah had been right in front during his banishment. One of the ones to rip into his wings. His wings throbbed from the reminder.

'W-what is this?' Dean asked, trying to remain calm. 'Where the hell am I?'

'Call it a…"greenroom,"' Zachariah replied as he walked up to Dean. 'We're closing in on the grand finale, here. We want to keep you safe before showtime.'

Dean stared at Zachariah, forcing himself to stand his ground. He felt his stomach turn as Zachariah offered a burger. When he claimed he wasn't hungry, the angel tried to appease him with television characters. Dean didn't know what to think. They were trying to keep him safe. Safe from what?

'No…uh… I wanna know what the game plan is,' he said.

'Let _us_ worry about that,' Zachariah replied. 'We want you…focused…relaxed.'

'Well, I'm about to be pissed and leaving, so start talking, Chuckles,' Dean said. He was having trouble looking at Zachariah. Every time he caught sight of Zachariah's wings, he got another flash of the angel looming over him, gleefully tearing into his wings.

Zachariah explained how the seal had fallen, and when Dean replied with his default sarcasm, Zachariah rounded on him and aimed low, pointing out how Dean had started it all.

Dean looked away. He had done more than start it. It went back much further than that. He probably could have stopped it all. Stopped Lucifer from rebelling, stopped his Fall. He tuned back in as Zachariah explained how Lilith would be the one to break the final seal. He couldn't believe that the angels had no idea where it would happen. They knew when. Why not where? If he was supposed to stop her, then why weren't they telling him anything?

He glared when Zachariah told him to 'have faith.' His anger spiked at those words. 'What, in you?' he scoffed. 'Give me one good reason why I should.'

'Because you swore your obedience,' Zachariah replied as he closed in on Dean. 'So obey.'

Dean looked past Zachariah at Castiel. He frowned as Castiel looked away, unable to meet his eyes. He looked back at Zachariah before turning away. He felt the angels leave and breathed a sigh of relief. He was quite proud of himself for not completely breaking down into a quivering mess in the corner like he had wanted to.

He paced the room, wondering what he should do. Clearly, Castiel had yet to say anything to his superiors about Seraphiel. For that, Dean was thankful. But why?

He sighed as he pulled out his phone. He had a signal. That was a good sign. Maybe he could get ahold of Sam. See if he could get Sam to back off. To at least wait until there was more to go on. The moment he began speaking, he could feel it. Angelic power tampering with his message. He continued regardless, not wanting to give himself away. He sighed as he hung up the phone. Sam would never get his message. He was on lockdown. He eyed the door for a moment, knowing it would be useless to try.

He spent his time pacing back and forth, wondering what Sam was doing. Where he was. What sort of lies Ruby was spouting into his ear. He was having trouble telling how much time had passed. He was angry. Annoyed. Bored.

He walked up to a small statuette of a pretty angel. As he tipped it over, he could think of one pretty angel he'd like to push off the side of a building. The shattered figure brought him a small bit of satisfaction.

Castiel appeared behind Dean. 'You asked to see me?' he said, looking at the remnants of the statuette. He looked up in time to see Dean roll his eyes.

Dean stuttered. He hadn't expected Castiel to show up because of his thoughts. But since Castiel was there, he may as well see if he could get some use out of the angel. 'Yeah… Listen, I uh… I-I need something…'

'Anything you wish.'

Dean's heart and hope rose at the words. Had Castiel changed his mind? Was he going to help Dean? 'I need you to take me to see Sam.'

'Why?'

'There's something I gotta talk to him about,' Dean replied.

'What's that?'

Dean's hopes crashed. Castiel wasn't there to help him. 'The B.M. I took this morning,' he sarcastically lashed out. 'What's it to you? Just make it snappy.'

'I don't think that's wise,' Castiel replied as he looked around uncomfortably.

'Well, I didn't ask for your opinion,' Dean growled. He could always just leave. He didn't need Castiel's help. He could eventually track Sam down. Castiel must have known what was going through Dean's head, for he shook his head slightly.

'Have you forgotten what happened the last time you met?'

'No. That's the whole point,' Dean pleaded. He desperately wanted Castiel back on his side. By his side. 'Listen, I'm gonna do whatever you mooks want, okay? I just need to tie up this one thing. Five minutes. That's all I need.'

'No.'

Dean paused. 'What do you mean…no? Are you saying that I'm trapped here?' he asked. He knew the answer. He just wanted to hear Castiel say it.

'You can go wherever you want.'

Dean glared at Castiel. 'Super. I want to go see Sam.'

'Except there,' Castiel said. Why did Dean have to push the subject?

'I want to take a walk.'

'Fine. I'll go with you.' Castiel would have actually liked to have gone on a walk with Dean. He would have enjoyed it, had the circumstances been different.

'Alone.'

'No.'

'You know what?' Dean said as threw a final glare at Castiel. 'Screw this noise. I'm out of here.' He walked past Castiel and could already feel the pulse of energy warping the room.

'Through what door?'

Dean sighed as the door melted into the wall, leaving behind a small table and candles. He knew it would happen. He knew they weren't going to let him leave. But he had to show them. Show them that he wouldn't just roll over. And he could feel he was being watched.

If he were to leave, then it would all be over. He could feel just how many angels were stationed right outside the room. He knew he could outfly them. At least, for a short time before his wings gave out. With only two wings, he wasn't as good as he used to be. He wondered if he would be able to zip past and get far enough to evade detection. He did a quick sweep, and sighed heavily. There were too many. And they were on high alert.

He glanced around the room and caught sight of one of the heavy candlesticks. He picked it up, weighing it in his hand. He popped the candle off, imagining what it would be like to bash in Zachariah's skull.

He eyed one of the walls. If they wanted stupid human, then he'd give them stupid human. He raised the candlestick and brought it down against the wall. A few hits, and he had made a sizable dent. He was surprised they had actually let him get that far. He halted mid-stroke as the wall healed.

He felt Zachariah's return. He dropped the candlestick to the floor. 'Son of a bitch.'

'Quit flinging feces like a howler monkey, would you? It's unbecoming,' Zachariah said.

Dean couldn't stand the smug look on Zachariah's face. 'Let me out of here,' he ground out as he advanced on the angel.

'Like I told you: too dangerous out there,' Zachariah replied. 'Demons on the prowl.'

'I've been getting my ass kicked all year,' Dean pointed out. It wasn't about his safety. '_Now_ you're sweating my safety? You're lying. I wanna see my brother.'

Zachariah's slightly smug smile never left his face. 'That's…ill-advised.'

Dean growled in frustration. Why did everyone have to beat around the bush?! Why couldn't they just come out and say what they were planning? 'You know, I am so sick of your crap riddles, and your smug, fat face. What the hell is going on, huh? Why can't I see Sam? And how am I gonna ice Lilith?' he questioned.

'You're not,' Zachariah replied, 'going to ice Lilith.'

'What?' Dean's eyes narrowed. If the plan wasn't for him to stop Lilith and the apocalypse… He felt his stomach drop as Zachariah told him what would happen. How Lilith would break the seal. Why would Heaven _let_ the apocalypse happen? Why would _God_ let it happen?!

He had to grab the table for support. Zachariah had to be wrong. God wouldn't let it happen. Wouldn't let his beloved creations suffer something so devastating. He pointed out Sam was still out there. That _he_ could stop Lilith. The look Zachariah gave him made him sick to his stomach.

He listened as Zachariah spoke of him having a destiny, being chosen. Dean could tell where the conversation was going. Surely, God wouldn't have let it gone this far? So far that Lucifer and Michael would need their vessels? Not after Dean had swiped Michael's vessel. There was _no vessel_. An angel needed permission! A corpse couldn't give permission. Even if Dean left the vessel, Michael wouldn't be able to possess it. It was far too late shove a soul in it. And even if Dean gave his permission, an angel couldn't possess another angel. Zachariah hadn't said anything about vessels just yet, but Dean knew.

'Tell me something,' he said, watching Zachariah saunter away. He had to know. 'Where's God in all this?'

'God?' Zachariah repeated. 'God has left the building.'

Dean stared in shock. He felt no deceit coming from Zachariah, no tells from his wings. Dean barely managed to stumble into a chair. God was gone.

.-.-.-.-.

Castiel appeared in the room. He was surprised to find Dean sitting at the table. 'Dean…' He tilted his head and took in what he saw. Dean sat, slumped in the chair, body completely relaxed, and staring ahead. He approached Dean and lightly touched his shoulder. 'Dean?'

When Dean gave no reaction, Castiel reached out with his Grace, trying to seek out Dean. He could feel him, barely. Dean was devastated, lost. Castiel tried to go deeper, but Dean shut him out.

Dean looked up as Castiel, expressionless. 'Go away,' he said then looked away.

'Dean…'

Dean shook his head. 'It doesn't matter. Can't you see it's all over? Everything's all fucked up, and it's my fault. I've killed us all, and God's not here to fix it this time.'

Castiel stared at Dean. He didn't know what he could say. What he could do.

'Just…just go. Please,' Dean whispered, closing his eyes.

Castiel nodded and left. He stood just outside the room. Looking around at his brothers and sisters that stood guard, he wondered why he was doing it. Why he was going along with the orders. God was missing. Was what they were doing right? Dean had looked so broken. More so than how Castiel had found him at the hotel.

He sighed, unsure of what to do. He wanted to help Dean. Help him to stop the apocalypse. But if he were to do that, then he would be breaking his promise to Dean. He closed his eyes as he turned away from the room. Maybe…maybe some promises were meant to be broken.

He glanced up as one of his brothers passed in front of him. A plan was forming in his mind, and his survival looked dim. But, hopefully, Dean and Sam would come out on top.

He hoped Dean would forgive him.


	20. Chapter 20

AN: Thanks for your continuing patience!

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Waiting for Salvation  
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Castiel waited. He didn't want his brothers and sisters to suspect anything. Not until it was too late. Once he felt enough time had passed, he casually reentered the room. Dean was in the same position he had left him.

Castiel took a breath and hoped he was making the right decision.

Dean gasped as he was thrown against the wall, a hand covering his mouth. He stared, wide-eyed at his attacker. He blinked in confusion when he recognized Castiel. He nodded as Castiel's Grace brushed against him, requesting silence.

He had no idea what was going on. He watched in fascination as Castiel pulled out the demon knife and sliced into his arm. He moved out of the way as Castiel began to draw a spell onto the wall. It finally clicked. Castiel was helping him! And why the Hell hadn't _he_ thought to use the banishment spell?!

'Brace yourself,' Castiel warned.

Dean looked up as Zachariah appeared, wings spread out aggressively.

'Castiel, do you mind explaining just what the Hell you're doing?!' Zachariah advanced on them and brought his arms up as Castiel slammed his hand against the freshly painted sigil.

Dean fought against the spell. It was a little easier than the last time, but he still ended up collapsing against Castiel when it had passed. He wiped at the blood dripping from his nose and stared up at Castiel, dazed. 'Cas… What are you doing? Why are you doing this?' he asked.

Castiel helped Dean to stand upright and looked away. 'I'm sorry, Dean…,' he muttered. 'I can't keep my promise.'

'Promise?'

Castiel looked back up at Dean. 'To not Fall,' he replied. 'This may be Heaven's plan, but…it's not right.' He shook his head as he turned away. 'I'm sorry.'

Dean rested a hand on Castiel's shoulder and gave him a reassuring squeeze. 'Hey… It's…okay. I mean, Falling…it's not so bad,' he lied.

Castiel glanced at Dean and forced a smile. 'I'm sure it will be bearable with you near me.'

Dean took a deep breath. 'Okay… So, uh… Where's Sam?'

'I don't know.'

Dean stared at Castiel. 'Seriously? You're tapped into Heaven. You should know!'

Castiel shrugged his shoulders helplessly. 'I'm sorry,' he said. 'But his location is hidden from me.'

Dean rubbed his eyes in frustration and began pacing. 'Shit… Wait!' He turned to Castiel. 'Chuck! The prophet! _He'll_ know where Sam is.'

Castiel looked at Dean uncertainly. 'Dean… If you go now, it will be seen as a threat to the prophet,' Castiel explained. 'We are on the verge of the apocalypse, Heaven will want everything to go according to plan, and—'

'Whoever got stuck on prophet duty will come after me. I can handle them,' Dean said.

'It's Raphael.'

'_Raphael_ got prophet duty?' Dean said with a laugh. 'Who'd he piss off?'

'It is an honor—'

Dean rolled his eyes. 'Okay, okay. So we pop in and pop right back out. No big deal.'

Castiel felt doubtful about Dean's plan, but followed him nonetheless.

.-.-.-.-.

Dean pulled the phone from Chuck's hand. 'He'll call you back,' he said and hung up the phone. He wrapped an arm around Chuck. 'Hey, Chuck… I was under the impression that I told you to call me if something came up.'

'Um…'

'Where's Sam?'

'You're not supposed to be here!' Chuck looked from Dean to Castiel. 'You can't be here!'

'Yeah, I have this bad habit of doing things I'm not supposed to,' Dean replied. He could feel a powerful angel quickly approaching. 'Now, where is he?'

'You have to leave!' Chuck argued.

'Dean…' Castiel looked to where he could feel Raphael coming from.

'I know!' He forced Chuck to face him and gave him a little shake. 'Please! Where is he?! I have to stop this. You're the prophet, you should know it won't go down as planned!'

Chuck stared up at Dean and wordlessly pointed to his messy desk. 'I-I already wrote it down…,' he said. 'You can't change it!'

Dean tore through the papers until he found what he was looking for. 'A _convent_?! Figures.' He grabbed Castiel by the arm. 'C'mon!'

Castiel shook his head. 'It's too late,' he said. 'Go. I'll distract him.'

Dean stared at Castiel in shock. 'W-what? Cas…he'll _kill_ you!'

Castiel nodded and looked away. 'I know.'

Dean reached out for Castiel's Grace. Instead of fear, he found a serene calm. He pulled Castiel into a tight hug and kissed him, flooding him with his Grace.

Castiel gasped for breath when Dean pulled back, feeling woozy from the tainted energies Dean radiated. 'Go!' he shouted, pushing Dean away.

'If you get the chance, _run_! Fly as far and as fast as you can,' Dean said before disappearing.

Castiel nodded and turned to stare out the window, waiting for Raphael's arrival. He looked down at Chuck as a hand rested on his shoulder.

'I'm sure it'll all work out,' Chuck said quietly.

Castiel looked back to the window. '…As long as Dean makes it. That's all that matters,' he confided.

The light from outside grew brighter.

'…So…you like him?'

Castiel nodded. 'Enough to Fall and die,' he replied. 'To me, he is worth it.' He closed his eyes and prepared himself.

.-.-.-.-.

Dean appeared outside the old convent. He could only feel two demons inside the building, and he had a pretty good guess as to which two they were. He entered the building and carefully made his way to the small chapel within. He could already feel Lucifer's Grace poking through.

He didn't bother hiding his wings, ready to grab Sam and fly at a moment's notice. He turned down a corridor and found what he was looking for. He ran towards the open door. 'Sam!'

Sam turned in time see Dean. He frowned in confusion as he could just make out the tattered, dark red wings behind his brother. He flinched as the doors slammed shut then turned his attention back to Lilith.

Dean pounded against the doors. He could feel Lilith's power keeping him from getting past. He shouted and screamed in frustration. He was too late. He pressed his forehead against the door, feeling Lilith's power fade, quickly replaced by Lucifer's. He backed away from the door, staring. He tentatively reached out with his Grace, lightly touching Lucifer's. He felt a jolt of happiness come from Lucifer.

The doors opened, and Dean rushed in, finding Ruby gloating.

'And guess who's coming to dinner?' Ruby laughed.

'Me!'

Ruby spun around and screamed as Dean punched her in the stomach. She stared in shock as she felt her life slowly drain away. 'B-but… Lucifer…'

Dean pulled his hand back and looked to the hole forming in the ground.

Sam stared at Dean. He could no longer see the torn wings, and he didn't think ever wanted to again. 'D-dean?' He saw the look of longing on Dean's face, and it hit him. Dean was waiting for Lucifer's return. 'Dean!' he shouted as he grabbed his brother and shook him, hard.

Dean looked up at Sam, lost and alone. Lucifer was reaching out to him, making such wonderful promises of how they would never be apart. 'S-Sam…'

'We have to go!' Sam pulled on Dean's arm. 'Please, Dean! He doesn't care about you! Don't you think he would have said something? Made some effort to contact you before now?!'

Dean clenched his eyes shut and took a shuddering breath before nodding. Sam had point. He shut out Lucifer and felt Lucifer's anger rise. He could tell the fallen angel was about to lash out, so he grabbed Sam and hoped he'd be able to get them far enough away.

As Dean took off, he saw a warm, guiding light. He didn't know which way to go, and it didn't feel like Lucifer, so he followed it, landing safely on a passing plane.

Sam looked around in surprise. He jumped when Dean grabbed his arm and squeezed hard. 'Dean? Are you all right?' he asked quietly.

Dean violently shook his head. Between Lucifer calling out to him and being stuck on a plane, he was not all right. He had tried repeatedly to leave the plane, but something was keeping him there. He didn't think it was Lucifer. He wondered if it was God. But God was uninvolved, right?


	21. Chapter 21

AN: I had no idea how to approach this chapter and future chapters. I wanted to stay as close to canon as possible, but certain scenes just wouldn't be possible. So, here is a very basic rewrite of the first couple scenes, and then we start to diverge even more, just borrowing scenes from the series. As always, thank you so much for your patience! Dialogue blatantly ripped from S05E01.

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Waiting for Salvation  
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The first thing Dean noticed upon entering Chuck's house was the blood. He could just barely make out small traces of Raphael's Grace lingering. He hoped for the best, but feared the worst. Either way, Castiel was not there. He could feel Chuck's presence, so he hoped the prophet knew where Castiel had got to.

He looked up from the mess on the floor when he heard Sam's pained cry. He tried not to laugh at the sight of Chuck brandishing a plunger. Chuck muttered a quick apology, and stared.

'So, you guys are…you're okay?' Chuck asked uncertainly.

Sam gave Chuck a disbelieving look as he touched his head where he had been hit. 'Well, my _head_ hurts,' he said.

Chuck shook his head. 'No! No, I mean… I mean m-my last vision…,' he stuttered. 'You went, like, full-on Vader! Your body temperature was 150. Your heart rate was 200. …Your eyes were _black_!'

Dean turned his attention to Sam. 'Your eyes went black?' he regretted saying it the moment Sam turned to him, shamefaced.

'I didn't—'

'It's all right,' Dean cut in. 'God knows what my Grace looks like…' He placed a reassuring hand on Sam's shoulder and gave a brief nod. He saw the relief flood over Sam's features and turned back to Chuck. 'Where's Cas?'

Chuck shook his head slightly. 'He's dead.'

Dean's breath caught.

'Or gone,' Chuck continued. 'The archangel smote the crap out of him. I…I'm sorry.'

'You're sure? I mean…maybe he managed to get away,' Dean said, not hiding the tremor in his voice. 'Ran away. Ditched his vessel at the last second. Something!'

'On, no. He, like, _exploded_,' Chuck replied, gesturing with his arms. 'Like a…a water balloon of chunky soup. I could feel him… He didn't fade, just…just gone.'

Dean looked away, distraught. He didn't have time to dwell on his feelings, though. He could feel a small group of angels heading their way. He was not in the mood for their crap. He looked around for a hidden surface to draw a banishment spell on. With Lucifer on the loose, and God nowhere to be found, he didn't need to give Heaven a reason to hunt _him_ down, too. He looked up and grimaced as Chuck pulled a bloodied tooth from his hair. Castiel's vessel was definitely gone… Maybe Castiel was just hiding out somewhere, licking his wounds. Dean sighed. Who was he kidding? Castiel was dead. He didn't really think about it before, but they both knew the younger angel probably wouldn't escape his confrontation with Raphael with his life.

'This has been a really stressful day!' Chuck said.

Dean nodded as he cut into his hand and pulled the sliding door out. 'Cas, you stupid bastard,' he muttered as he began drawing on the door.

'Stupid? He was trying to help us,' Sam pointed out. He frowned at the bloody symbols Dean was drawing.

'Yeah, exactly,' Dean replied. He finished up the spell and slid the door back in place.

'So what now?' Sam asked.

'I don't know,' Dean admitted. He gave Sam a worried glance and a shrug.

'Oh, crap,' Chuck said softly, looking around.

Dean nodded and faced away from the kitchen. 'I know.'

'What?' Sam asked in confusion.

'Thought we'd find you here!'

Sam turned quickly to see three men he didn't recognize. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Dean turn to face the angels with a look of feigned surprise.

'Playtime's over, Dean,' Zachariah said as he toed at some of the debris littering the ground. 'Time to come with us.

Dean gritted his teeth as Zachariah spoke. Between craving a demon and Castiel gone, he had very little control over himself. He stuck with sarcasm and short replies. It was taking everything he had to keep from flashing his wings. He took solace in being able to push Zachariah's buttons, making the angel more and more irritated as their conversation progressed.

Talk of Lucifer's vessel came up, and a brief tinge of panic coursed through Dean.

'You can stop him, Dean,' Zachariah said. 'But you need our help.'

'You listen to me, you two-faced douche,' Dean growled. 'After what you did, I don't want jack squat from you!'

'_You_ listen to _me_, boy,' Zachariah snapped back, taking a step forward. 'You think you can rebel against us? As Lucifer did?' He laughed derisively, trailing off as his eyes fell on the blood still dripping from Dean's closed fist. 'You're bleeding.'

'Oh, yeah,' Dean replied as if he had forgotten. And he actually had forgotten to heal his hand after slicing into it. So much time pretending to be human, it was out of habit that he didn't bother with smaller injuries. 'A little insurance policy in case you dicks showed up.' He pulled out the sliding door and slammed his hand against the sigils.

'No!' Zachariah screamed as he and the other two angels were banished.

'Wouldn't be the first time I rebelled, you son of a bitch,' Dean muttered and he flexed his hand and healed it.

'This sucks ass,' Chuck whined as he shook his head.

Dean grimaced as he looked at Chuck. 'Tell me about it… Have you seen far enough ahead to know what happens when they find out about me?' he asked.

Chuck shook his head.

Dean sighed and turned his attention to Sam. 'We should get going.'

.-.-.-.-.

Dean desperately wanted a demon. He had already reorganized his duffel five times since Sam had left and cleaned his gun about four. He looked up in shock as the door to the hotel room opened. He watched as Sam approached him. 'Are you real?' he asked.

Sam frowned in confusion then smiled proudly. He pulled out a hex bag from his pocket. 'Hex bags!'

Dean took the bag from Sam. He turned it around in his hands, inspecting it. Now that he held it, he could see his way past the spell. Bits and pieces of Sam's soul shone through, and Dean relaxed. Sam was still obscured from his senses, but at least he knew his brother was actually there.

'They'll keep angels and demons from finding us,' Sam explained.

Dean nodded. 'Yeah, I got that,' he said, smirking as Sam pulled a frown. 'Where'd ya' get it?'

'I made it.' The prideful tone was back in Sam's voice.

'How?' Dean asked as he frowned at the small pouch in his hand. Hex bags were old magic. And for it to cover angel detection, that made the spell even older. It had been so long since he last encountered one that blocked his senses, he had forgotten about them and half of what went into them.

Sam bit his lip and looked away. He looked back at Dean before cautiously replying. 'I…I learned it from Ruby.'

'Well, nice to know the bitch was good for something. Speaking of… How you doing?' Dean asked. He kept picking at the string that held the bag closed. 'Are you jonesing for another hit of bitch blood, or what?'

'I-it's weird… Uh, tell you the truth… I'm fine. No shakes, no fever. It's like…using it all up on Lilith cleaned me right up,' Sam replied. He frowned as Dean tossed the bag back and forth. 'Dean…'

'Sam,' Dean snapped, annoyed. 'It's okay. You don't have to say anything.'

'Well, that's good,' Sam said carefully, keeping an eye on Dean. He watched as Dean paced the hotel room. 'Because what can I even say? I'm sorry? I screwed up? Doesn't really do it justice, you know? Look, there's nothing I can do or say that will ever make this right…'

'So why do you keep bringing it up?!' Dean shouted as he rounded on Sam.

'Are you…are _you_ all right?' Sam asked.

'I'm _fine_.'

Sam didn't believe Dean for a second. The pacing, the fidgeting…something was up. 'Dean…what… You're acting like _I_ did when I needed more demon blood! What's going on?!'

'I can handle it!' Dean shouted, gesturing widely with his arms. The lights flickered, and he clenched his fists. He let out a slow breath and the lights returned to normal. 'I can handle it,' he said more calmly. 'I've been through worse. Look, let's just…let's just clean up our mess. We'll treat this like any other hunt, all right? So, first thing's first?'

'We uh… We find out where it is…,' Sam replied. His eyes traveled over his brother. If Dean was going through some form of withdrawal, then what could he do to help? Could he and Bobby lock Dean in the panic room? Were there any spells or wards that could contain Dean?

'Right,' Dean said shakily. 'So we just gotta find…Lucifer.'

'Can you sense him?'

Dean shook his head. 'My range isn't like it used to be. Without Heaven backing me, and going through…well…I'm a little limited and distracted right now. And he'll be laying low, anyway.'


	22. Chapter 22

AN: I'm a horrible, non-update-y person. I know. I'm sorry.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.  
Waiting for Salvation  
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Dean did not know what to make of Becky. Or her easy dismissal of him. At least her infatuation with Sam was good for a laugh. But Chuck's message had him confused.

'The Michael Sword?' he asked in disbelief. Michael's blade was on Earth?

'Becky, does he know where it is?' Sam asked.

'In a castle,' Becky replied in a mystical tone. 'On a hill made of forty-two dogs.'

'Forty-two dogs?' Dean flatly replied. He gave Sam a shrug. It didn't make any sense. Even by crazy prophet standards.

'Are you sure you got that right?' Sam asked on Dean's behalf.

Dean half-listened as Becky fawned over Sam. Maybe Chuck had gotten his wires crossed. Heaven would never let an angel's weapon out of their sight. He should know—he had tried to chase one down after his had been confiscated. But…if there was a chance, they had to take it. He tuned back in to find Becky lovingly stroking Sam's chest.

.-.-.-.-.

Dean landed unsteadily just outside Bobby's house. He looked over his shoulder, frowning. Something was coming. He reached out with his Grace and scanned the area. Demons. One of them felt familiar. He could head out and greet them… No, he didn't need to do that. He was trying to keep a low profile. But…he could really use a pick-me-up. He sighed as he headed inside and searched out Bobby.

He found Bobby in the kitchen, speaking on the phone to another hunter. He bounced anxiously on his heels as he waited for Bobby to wrap up his call before announcing his presence. 'Hey, Bobby.'

Bobby turned quickly, holding the phone out like a weapon. 'Jesus! What the Hell did I tell you about doin' that, boy?!'

Dean shifted his weight and gave a shrug. 'Sorry,' he replied distractedly. He was tracking the demons, which were quickly making their way to the salvage yard. 'Are you expecting company?'

Bobby placed the phone in its cradle and gave a soft snort. 'No. Why?'

'I think you should head to the panic room,' Dean said. The demons were currently just outside of Bobby's property. Low profile, he reminded himself.

Bobby stiffened and looked out the window. 'Like Hell I'm gonna just hide out.' He made his way past Dean, grabbing his shotgun off the table.

'Bobby...' Dean followed Bobby into the yard. He crossed his arms as he stood next to Bobby and waited. 'Look, there's four of 'em, so be careful.'

'No weapon?' Bobby asked, glancing at Dean. He had received a call earlier from Sam. Sam was worried about Dean's current state, but neither had any idea of what they could do about it.

Dean slowly shook his head. One or three wouldn't hurt anything. 'Not this time… I…I think it's time I sent a message.'

Bobby gave a stiff nod.

They didn't have to wait long before the demons rounded the corner. They paused, the young woman leading them warily eyeing Dean.

'Dean… You're not supposed to be here,' she said, holding up a hand to stop the other demons from advancing further.

'Hello, Meg,' Dean replied. 'Didja miss me?'

Meg narrowed her eyes at Dean. 'How do you know it's me?'

Dean waved his hand in the air as he replied. 'Oh, I have my ways.'

Meg gasped and ducked away when Dean vanished and reappeared, grabbing the demon to her left. She backed into the other two demons and watched in horror as Dean absorbed the demon's life. 'You're not Dean,' she hissed as she pushed one of the other demons in Dean's direction.

Dean grinned at Meg and stabbed the demon stumbling towards him in the neck with the demon knife. 'C'mon, Meg, don't be like that,' he said conversationally. His eyes flicked between Meg and the final demon. 'I'm a little insulted you didn't visit me in Hell.'

Meg edged away from the other demon, catching Dean's wandering eyes. 'Well, I would have loved to come and gloat, but you were pretty deep in there, and Alastair isn't known for liking visitors,' she replied. 'Besides, I had my own problems to deal with. Getting out of Hell ain't easy. You should know that.'

Dean nodded. 'So, why are you here, Meg?'

Meg slowly backed away, trying to keep herself further from Dean than the other demon. 'Why do you think I'll tell you?'

Dean shifted his gaze to the other demon. 'How 'bout this: first to talk gets to take a message to Lucifer.'

'And get killed anyway?' Meg said with a laugh. 'Yeah, right. I think I'll take my chances here.'

Dean grinned as he raised hand, letting the black energy roll off his fingers. He ignored how the tips of his fingers gave off a small crackle of white and red. 'I was hoping you'd say that,' he said and slowly unfurled his wings.

Meg's eyes widened. She quickly stepped over to the other demon and shoved him at Dean. 'I'll do it!' she shouted and cringed as her fellow demon's scream was cut short. She hoped she would be rewarded. All of Hell had been ordered to keep an eye out for Seraphiel and to bring word the moment they located him. Even if she had failed in her original mission, _this_ was worth so much more.

Dean rolled his neck and stretched his wings, enjoying the surge of dark energy. He looked to Meg and smiled when he found her waiting uncomfortably.

'What are you doing?!' Bobby shouted. 'Just stab her!'

Dean shook his head at Bobby.

Meg wore a manic grin. 'He won't,' she said. 'I'm worth something now. I know how to find Lucifer.'

'Then you can tell us where he is,' Bobby said, training his gun on Meg. 'Hell, we can probably find that out on our own.'

'And the moment you find out where he is, he'll move on to another location,' Meg replied. She turned her attention back to Dean and raised her hands in a placating gesture. 'I can do it, Seraphiel. I can find him. I can send messages. He's worried about you!'

'Don't listen to her!' Bobby pleaded.

Dean looked from Meg to Bobby. Lucifer was worried? But…what about the anger he had felt?

'He has us looking for you,' Meg continued. 'I can tell him you're okay.'

'And what's to keep you from telling him where Sam and Dean are?' Bobby questioned. 'What then, huh?'

'Like he doesn't already know,' Meg pointed out. 'He has demons stationed _everywhere_. We'd know before the angels did.'

Dean ran his hand over his face and bit his lip. He was having trouble thinking clearly with the high he was riding. 'Maybe… Maybe we could—'

'No! Dammit, Dean,' Bobby stalked up to Dean and grabbed him by the arm. 'You can't trust her, and you sure as Hell can't trust the Devil!'

Dean looked at Bobby helplessly. 'But…but I can fix this,' he said uncertainly. 'If I can just get through to him… There doesn't _have_ to be an apocalypse.'

'We are _in_ the God damned apocalypse! The only way I see of stoppin' it is to stop Lucifer,' Bobby said, giving Dean a stern shake. 'All the damned prophecies came true. If we don't stop him, then we are _all_ going to die! Everyone. Sam, too.'

Dean stared at Bobby. It was true. Except for one vital piece: Michael didn't have a vessel. There were other vessels out there, but none were Michael's true vessel. Not like Dean Winchester was supposed be. Maybe that was why the angels were looking for the so-called Michael Sword. Michael wouldn't be able to do much damage without his blade, and using another angel's blade would not be nearly as effective as their personal weapon.

'I won't tell him your location,' Meg offered. 'It can be part of the deal.'

Dean looked back to Meg, his interest piqued. 'A deal _could_ work,' he said softly.

'What?!' Bobby could not believe what he was hearing.

'But _I_ write the contract,' Dean said.

Meg eagerly nodded. 'I can't reveal your location to Lucifer, and I can't reveal _his_ location to you or your friends.'

Dean held his hand out and a piece of paper appeared. He glanced over it and handed it to Meg, ignoring Bobby's sputters of indignation.

Meg cautiously approached Dean and Bobby and took the paper. She looked over the short contract. It was very concise and to the point. No wiggle room at all. It all revolved around her not revealing to anyone, not even inanimate objects, of anything pertaining to Sam, Dean, or Lucifer's whereabouts. She wasn't even permitted to tell anyone else about just who Seraphiel was using as a vessel. There was more detail and description put into what would happen if she broke the contract than the contract itself. 'And if he finds out on his own?' she asked.

'Then he finds out,' Dean replied. 'Same goes for me and Sam finding him on our own.'

Meg nodded and bit the inside of her cheek. 'Okay.'

Bobby threw his hands up in frustration. 'Dean!'

Dean held his hand up to Bobby. 'And even though it's not in the contract, keep in mind how much you will suffer if I find out another attack is made on Bobby, or anyone else I know, in an attempt to get to me and Sam,' he warned.

Meg nodded. She wanted to be on Lucifer's good side. Staying on Lucifer's good side included staying on Seraphiel's good side. 'I can't make any promises for the others, but if I hear anything, I'll warn you.'

Dean looked at Bobby and flinched at the glare he was receiving. There was something else there as well, but he couldn't place it. Distrust, worry, resentment, sorrow… 'Bobby…it's a good deal,' Dean said softly.

Bobby looked away and pinched the bridge of his nose. 'Do what you have to,' he said with a weary sigh.

'Well?' Meg prompted. She didn't want to lose her chance. 'Is it a deal? Are we good?'

Dean nodded and turned back to Meg. 'Yeah… Let's get this over with,' he said as he stepped forward and cupped Meg's cheek. He leaned down and kissed her gently, feeling the contract seal.

'What's the message?' Meg asked breathlessly.

Dean sighed and looked off to the side. What _did_ he want to say to Lucifer? That he still cared? That he still loved him? 'I…I'm not on Heaven's side… Not after what they did, but…I'm not on his side, either.'

Meg nodded and shifted from foot to foot, keeping an eye on Dean and Bobby. 'Okay… So…how do I find you when I have Lucifer's reply?' she asked. 'Don't think I'm particularly welcome back here…'

'Got that right,' Bobby said gruffly. 'If I see you set foot here again, I'll make you regret it.'

Dean pulled a frown. It was a good question. After Sam tiptoeing around with Ruby, he was about to pull same thing. He wondered if Meg was going to start offering up her colleagues. The part of him that was still thinking straight was disgusted at how giddy he felt at the prospect of having his own personal dealer. She would probably happily do it, too.

He tried to dismiss the thought and reached into his back pocket to pull out his wallet. He handed Meg one of the various business cards. 'Gimme a call, and we'll meet up.'

Meg pocketed the card and quickly backed away. When she felt she had gotten far enough, she turned and bolted.

Bobby shook his head in dismay and headed back into the house. 'What are you gonna tell Sam?' he asked. 'I ain't gonna lie to him for you.'

Dean shrugged as he followed Bobby into the kitchen. 'The truth, I guess. He's not gonna like this…'

'Ya' think?!' Bobby grunted in irritation at Dean. 'You just opened yourself to a whole new level of manipulation, ya' idjit!'

Dean looked away. 'I know… But I have to try,' he said, his desperation clear. 'It doesn't have to be like this. Lucifer doesn't have to end the world. I think...I think he might listen to me.'

'And what about the other angels? You really think they'll let him run free? What about Castiel? What's _he_ think about this?'

Dean's breath hitched, and he slumped into a chair. 'H-he's dead…'

Bobby's features softened, and he laid a hand on Dean's shoulder. 'We'll get through this,' he said. 'Even with your stupid choices.'

Dean gripped Bobby's hand tightly. 'I can fix this,' he promised, looking up at Bobby.


	23. Chapter 23

AN: Lots of dialogue lifted straight out of S05E01. Especially towards the end.

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Waiting for Salvation  
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Dean tapped his fingers on the steering wheel as he waited for Sam to return with food. What he _really_ wanted was another demon. He had tried grabbing a few ghosts on his way to pick up Sam, but they did nothing to sate his craving. He clenched his eyes shut as another wave of need rolled through his Grace.

Why did he have to start up again? He had kicked the habit so long ago.

'Are you okay?'

Dean looked over to find Sam staring at him in worry. 'Yeah… Just peachy,' he lied.

'Dean…'

Dean shook his head and started the car. 'I'll be fine. I just… I just need to sit around for a while and wait it out. I've done it before. I can do it again.' It was sort of true. The only reason he had kicked the habit before was due to demons giving him a wide berth.

Sam nodded uncertainly, hoping Dean was right.

.-.-.-.-.

By the time Sam and Dean arrived, Bobby had already been through several books, looking for any information on the Michael Sword. He sighed and gave the two young men a weary stare as he flipped open another book. 'You _sure_ you don't know anything about this?' he asked Dean.

Dean gave a shrug as he flopped onto the couch. 'Every angel has a…a sword. But it's not like it's special,' he replied. He leaned forward and rubbed the heel of his hand against his forehead.

Sam and Bobby exchanged a look. 'Well…is there any chance there was one that was made just for him?' Sam asked.

'It doesn't work like that,' Dean snapped. 'An angel gets _one_ blade. It's like…like an extension of our Grace. It's near-impossible to lose, so I don't know how the fuck Michael would have managed to lose his.' He slumped back against the couch and stared up at the ceiling. 'Probably 'cuz he's such a dumbass.'

'So…do _you_ have one?' Sam asked.

Dean managed to pull his head up and glare at Sam. 'It was confiscated,' he ground out.

Sam shrank back and turned his attention to the book Bobby had open. 'Okay… So, we're looking for an actual sword. Maybe it's in a collection somewhere. Someone somewhere must have come across it.'

'We'll have to be quick about it,' Bobby said. 'We won't be the only ones lookin' for it.'

Dean let out a pained moan as he slumped over.

'Dean?!' Sam rushed to his brother's side and lightly touched his arm. He gasped as Dean swiped at him.

'Don't touch me! God, don't even fucking _talk_ to me!' Dean shouted. He stood unsteadily and glared at Sam. 'This is all your fault! If you had just stopped to _listen_, then none of this would be happening!'

'This is _not_ Sam's fault,' Bobby cut in. He slowly reached into a desk drawer, placing his hand around a small handgun. 'Why don't you go lie down?'

Dean spread his wings out, casting dark shadows against the walls. 'It _is_ his fault! I may have broken the first seal, but Lilith was the final seal! Lucifer is free because of him,' he hissed, pointing at Sam. 'This time was supposed to be different! Why can't I have a brother that's _not_ out to end the world?!'

Sam glanced at Bobby and quickly looked away.

Bobby pulled the gun out of the desk, but kept it by his side. 'Calm down, Dean,' he said. 'This isn't you talkin'. Just take a breath and go lie down.'

Dean growled and clutched at his hair in frustration. He couldn't focus. Nothing was going right. No one ever listened to him. They just told him what to do. He outranked _everyone_, and they still bossed him around. Even humans that knew who and what he was kept telling him what to do. Why couldn't they just listen to him? He just needed them to listen. To do what he said. He didn't need to calm down. He needed… He knew what he needed.

Dean vanished, and Sam gave Bobby a hopeless look. 'He's right,' he eventually said. His stomach dropped as Bobby narrowed his eyes. 'I-I'm so—'

'Yer both damned idjits,' Bobby grumbled as he placed the gun back in the drawer. He took his cap off and ran his hand through his hair before replacing the cap. 'How the Hell are we supposed to lock him up if nothin' works on him?'

Sam frowned as he shrugged. 'Bobby… He's right. This is all my fault. Lilith was the final seal, and I killed her. If…if I had just… You guys warned me about Ruby…the demon blood…but I didn't listen…' He trailed off as Bobby laid a hand on his shoulder.

'You plannin' on fixin' yer mess?' Bobby asked.

Sam nodded.

Bobby pulled Sam into a hug. 'Ain't no one cuttin' you out, boy,' he said as he let go of Sam. 'Dean either. We all make mistakes. The best we can do is make up for 'em.'

Sam took a shaky breath and nodded. 'Thanks, Bobby,' he said quietly.

.-.-.-.-.

Sam looked up from the book he was reading when he heard the harsh beating of wings. A loud bang and curse from the hall alerted him to Dean's return. He stared at the doorway in apprehension, unsure as to what Dean's mood would be.

'Sammy!' Dean greeted as he stumbled into the study. 'Hey, sorry about earlier,' he said as he slumped onto the couch.

Sam frowned at Dean and sighed as he looked away. 'Feeling better?' he asked.

Dean propped his elbow in the couch arm and rested his head in his hand. 'Pretty good, actually,' he replied. He felt great. It hadn't taken him very long to track down a small group of demons. 'We still good?'

Sam stared at the book in front of him. He reluctantly nodded. 'Yeah… But, Dean… You… I thought you were going to stop.'

Dean gave a nonchalant shrug as he picked at a loose thread on his jeans. 'Yeah…about that…'

'Do we need to lock you up?' Bobby asked as he entered the room.

Dean laughed and shook his head. 'Nah, I'll be fine,' he said, waving his hand dismissively. 'Just need to wean myself off.'

Bobby shared a look with Sam. 'Not cold turkey, then?'

'I'll be useless if I do that,' Dean said, staring at his nails. 'Why do you guys have nails? I mean, _claws_ I get, but these things? They don't really _do_ anything. Y'know?'

'How did you manage to play human under a hunter's nose for so long?' Bobby asked. 'John may not have been the best father to you boys, but he _was_ a good hunter.'

Dean bit at his nails in thought. Something tugged at his memory. His Father… No, his other father… John had a… Castle something? Forty-two dogs…

Dean gasped as he sat up straight. 'Dad!'

Sam stood up and stared at Dean in confusion. 'What about Dad?' He blinked when Dean vanished and reappeared within seconds, holding up a card. 'What's that?' he asked.

Dean shook the card and grinned. 'Dad's lockup in upstate New York!' he said proudly, handing the card to Bobby. 'Read it!'

'Castle Storage… Forty-two Rover Hill,' Bobby read aloud. He looked back up at Dean.

'A castle on a hill of forty-two dogs,' Sam said in realization. '_That's_ where the sword is?!'

'We had it the whole time,' Dean said, shaking his head.

'You sure that's what Chuck meant?' Bobby asked.

Dean shrugged and took the card back. 'Not sure what else he could've meant.'

'Right. Well, you boys be careful,' Bobby said. 'And _try_ to stay out of trouble. And, for the love of God, lay off the demons.'

Dean had the decency to look ashamed. 'Y-yeah… I'll do that,' he replied, refusing to look Bobby in the eye.

.-.-.-.-.

The drive to Castle Storage was littered with rest stops. Sam knew what Dean was doing during his so-called bathroom breaks. He wondered if he had been so painfully obvious with his own addiction to demon blood.

He let out an annoyed sigh as Dean slowed the car down. 'Really?! Can't you go for more than five minutes without a fix?'

Dean shook his head distractedly. 'Something's not right…'

Sam looked out the window. He saw the lit up sign to the storage facility. 'Demons?' he asked.

'Worse. Angels,' Dean replied. He groaned in frustration. 'Dammit. They beat us to it.'

'Not necessarily,' Sam argued. 'If they had already found it, they would have left. Why hang around?'

Dean gave a nodding shrug. 'Well, let's get in and get out.'

Sam and Dean had their shotguns ready as they entered the room. Dean glanced around, not seeing anything out of the ordinary.

'So nice of you to join us,' a voice said from behind them.

They turned to find Zachariah smiling smugly at them. Behind him stood a pair of angels.

'We were wondering how long it would take you get here.'

'What do you mean?' Sam asked.

'We may have planted that particular piece of prophecy inside Chuck's skull, but it happened to be true,' Zachariah said. 'We did lose the Michael Sword. We truly couldn't find it. Until now. You've just hand-delivered it to us.'

Dean frowned as his stomach clenched. He would have known if he had an angel blade. What else could the Michael Sword be? 'We don't have anything,' he said. He wondered how quickly he and Sam could escape the room.

'It's _you_, chucklehead,' Zachariah said. '_You're_ the Michael Sword.'

Dean breathed in sharply. Why hadn't he figured it out earlier? The vessel! Of _course_!

'What, you thought you could actually kill Lucifer?' Zachariah said with a laugh. 'You simpering wad of insecurity and self-loathing? No, you're just a human, Dean. And not much of one.'

Dean glared at Zachariah. He kept seeing flashes of claws tearing into his wings, teeth ripping away feathers, multiple faces giving animalistic grins as he begged for it all to stop. 'A vessel,' he said, voice tight with emotion. 'I won't do it. I'll die first.'

Zachariah tilted his head, losing his pleased grin momentarily. 'Joking. Always joking. Well, no more jokes…,' he said, pointing his finger at Dean.

Dean stiffened. He was frozen with fear. His mind replaced the pale finger with bloody claw, ready to tear into him and pluck each and every feather away. He watched in horror as the finger shifted to point at Sam. He didn't hear what Zachariah said, but he did hear the loud crack of bones breaking and Sam's anguished scream.

'You son of a bitch!' Dean shouted and glared at Zachariah. He shook as Zachariah's wings spread out threateningly. Sam was hurt, but he could fix that later. He hoped he would be able to fix it. He had trouble focusing on what Zachariah was saying. He caught the words 'general,' 'Michael,' and 'vessel.' He put the rest together.

'You need my permission,' Dean pointed out.

'Unfortunately, yes,' Zachariah grudgingly admitted.

'Well, there's gotta be another way,' Dean said. There had to be a backup plan. Why else would God let him get away with Michael's vessel?

'There is no other way,' Zachariah replied. 'There must be a battle. Michael must defeat the serpent. It is written.'

Dean's eyes flicked to the two angels standing behind Zachariah. Would he be able to take them all? Aside from a human gun, he was weaponless. Running away was probably his best option. He knew he was fast, even with his damaged wings. But, he would have to grab Sam, and that would slow him down and throw him off-balance. He wouldn't be able to get them both away, and he couldn't leave Sam behind.

He threw Zachariah a glare. 'Yeah, maybe… But, on the other hand… Eat me,' he growled. 'The answer's "no".'

Zachariah narrowed his eyes then smiled. 'Okay. How about this… Say "yes," and we'll heal Sam. Say "no"…he'll never walk again.'

Dean quickly glanced at Sam. The nod was minute, but it was all he needed. 'No.'

Zachariah's wings gave an irritated flap. 'Then how about we heal _you_ from…stage-four stomach cancer?' he offered with a sick grin.

Dean felt his insides twist and mold to the angel's will. He stood his ground, coughing blood into his hand. 'No,' he ground out.

He refrained from healing himself. If this was how Zachariah treated Michael's vessel, then Dean could only guess at what tortures Zachariah would come up with for a fallen angel.

Zachariah's expression became vicious as he stared at Dean. 'Then let's gets _really_ creative,' he said. 'Let's see how Sam does without his lungs.'

Dean's head turned quickly to see Sam fight for breath. He blinked rapidly as his body screamed in pain. If Sam were to die, would he be able to bring him back? Could he fix the damage Zachariah had caused? He closed his eyes in frustration. Without Heaven backing his power, he wouldn't be able to bring Sam back to life, nor restore his lungs. Legs, he might be able to fix. Missing organs were a whole other story.

'Are we having fun yet?' Zachariah asked teasingly. 'You're going to say "yes," Dean.'

Dean glared up at Zachariah. He could just make out another angel approaching their location. 'Just kill us,' he spat out.

'Kill you? Oh, no,' Zachariah said, shaking his head. 'I'm just getting started.'

Dean grimaced as the new angel landed. He stared, not able to believe what he was seeing. Carefully, he reached out and felt Castiel's Grace surround him. He sighed, unable to keep the relieved smile off his face.

Zachariah frowned in confusion and turned just as a flash of light erupted behind him. He watched as one of the angels he had brought with him fell to the floor, dead. He did nothing as Castiel fought the other angel.

Castiel stabbed the second angel in the back and turned his attention to Zachariah, calmly approaching him.

Zachariah brushed his Grace along Castiel's, confirming it was truly Castiel. 'How are you…?'

'Alive?' Castiel supplied. 'That's a good question. How did these two end up on that airplane? Another good question.'

Dean quickly looked away. _He_ knew how he ended up on the plane. Although…he did have a guiding light…

'Because the angels didn't do it. I think we both know the answer, don't we?' Castiel said, flexing his wings.

Zachariah shook his head. 'No. That's not possible,' he said, a tinge of fear in his voice.

'It scares you,' Castiel said knowingly. 'Well, it should. Now, put these boys back together and go. I won't ask twice.'

Sam gasped as he felt his body be restored to normal. Carefully, he stood, glad to find his legs no longer broken. He looked over at Dean to find his brother kneeling on the ground, staring up at Castiel.

Castiel walked up to Dean and looked down at him uncertainly. There was so much more darkness laced throughout his Grace than before. 'What happened?' he asked quietly, kneeling in front of Dean.

Dean threw himself forward and clung onto Castiel. 'I thought I lost you,' he whispered. 'Please be real. Please, _please_ be real!'

Castiel hugged Dean back and rubbed soothing circles along his back. 'I'm real,' he said. He looked up at Sam and sighed. 'You two need to be more careful.'

'Yeah, we got that,' Sam replied. 'Never thought angels could be that heartless…'

Castiel shook his head as he helped Dean to stand. He shivered as Dean's Grace twisted around his own and wings wrapped around him. 'I don't mean the angels,' he said. 'Lucifer is circling his vessel. And once he takes it, those hex bags won't be enough to protect you.'

Dean stiffened. He reluctantly pulled away from Castiel. 'L-Lucifer's vessel?' he asked shakily.

Castiel nodded. 'A man named "Nick".'

Relief flooded Dean, and he relaxed. He frowned has Castiel placed a hand on both his and Sam's chests. He winced as pain raced through his ribs, carving and Enochian spell as it went.

'What… What was that?' Sam asked as he rubbed his chest.

'An Enochian sigil,' Castiel replied.

'I don't like it,' Dean said. Unlike the hex bag, he couldn't see past it.

'It will hide you from every angel in creation,' Castiel explained. 'Including Lucifer.'

'Dean, too,' Sam said as he looked at Dean.

Dean nodded uncomfortably. 'This feels weird.'

'Hey, Cas… Were you really dead?' Sam asked.

'Yes,' Castiel replied. He stretched his wings out as Dean's Grace slowly caressed his own. He felt sick to his stomach. That was the only way to describe what he was feeling. There was so much corruption pulsating along Dean's Grace that Castiel was having trouble not reading him as a common demon. He needed to get out of there. Away from Dean. Away from the dark energy.

'Then…how are you back?' Dean asked quietly. Did their Father really bring Castiel back? He gasped when Castiel vanished, a short apology sent swiftly along his Grace.


	24. Chapter 24

AN: Uh…warning for the beginnings of some self-harm/torture and gore. And thank you for your continuing patience!

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.  
Waiting for Salvation  
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Castiel landed heavily in the study of Bobby's house. He looked around in confusion when he didn't see the old hunter.

'God dammit!' Bobby shouted as he entered the study. He sucked in a breath and reached for a gun that wasn't there. 'Ain't you s'posed to be dead?!'

'I was,' Castiel replied, turning to face Bobby.

'Does…does Dean know you're alive?'

Castiel nodded. 'He is the reason why I'm here. Has Dean been acting…'

'Like a junky?' Bobby finished. 'Yeah. Kid's messed up until he takes a hit off a demon, then it's all sunshine and flowers.'

'I see.' Castiel looked away, thinking.

'And we can't _do_ anything about it! Can't lock him up to sweat it out,' Bobby said as he crossed his arms. 'I'd do the same thing we tried with Sam, but…he can get out of anything.'

'I know of a way,' Castiel quietly replied. 'Bring him here, and keep him here until I return.'

'Yeah? And what if he suspects something?'

'What would he suspect?' Castiel asked with a small smile. 'Nothing can contain him.'

And with that, Castiel vanished, leaving Bobby alone to wonder just what the angel had in mind.

.-.-.-.-.

Dean got out of the Impala and stretched. He flexed his wings and grinned happily.

'You didn't have to do that,' Sam grumbled as he got out.

'Would you rather have 'em runnin' around, killing innocent people?' Dean countered as he turned and leaned over the roof of the car. He gave Sam a lopsided grin.

'You could have used the knife,' Sam pointed out.

'_You_ have the knife, Sammy.'

'No. I don't,' Sam ground out. 'Just… Y'know what? Never mind. Let's just see what Bobby wants.'

'Something about some signs… I don't really remember,' Dean admitted with a half shrug.

Sam shook his head as he headed to the house. 'Maybe if you had actually _listened_ to him,' he said under breath.

'I heard that!'

.-.-.-.-.

Dean flipped through one of the books on the desk before tossing it aside. 'Nothin' in here. You _sure_ it's an omen?' he asked. 'I mean, termites are bad, but omen-bad?'

'We're lookin' for a _pattern_,' Bobby growled. Keeping Dean distracted was taking a lot of work. He had searched and searched for signs concerning the apocalypse. He had pulled up every last little thing he could find. He hoped Castiel would hurry up with whatever his plan was.

'Well, lookin' for Lucifer… I dunno, Bobby,' Dean whispered. 'He's gonna be real careful. He won't stay anywhere too long.'

'Which is why we need to focus and get this done _quick_!'

Dean nodded distractedly as he looked over the map Bobby had tacked to the wall. 'Maybe…' He gasped as he felt Castiel's presence. He stood and looked around expectantly. 'Cas?' he called out.

Bobby held his breath and kept an eye on Dean. He slowly shook his head when Sam gave him a curious look.

Dean reached out, searching for Castiel's presence. When his Grace touched Castiel's, he received a short burst of need. He tripped over his own feet as he made to meet Castiel. He quickly stood and, blushing, turned to face Sam and Bobby. 'I'll uh…be right back,' he said. 'Five minutes. Ten. Maybe more. Definitely more!'

Sam gave a short laugh as Dean stumbled out of the room. 'What was _that_ about?'

'Cas thinks he can keep Dean locked up,' Bobby replied.

Sam let out a slow breath. 'Is he sure?'

Bobby gave a shrug as he shook his head. 'I hope so…'

.-.-.-.-.

Dean grinned as he hopped down the stairs to the basement. Castiel didn't hate him! He turned the corner, and his heart swelled at the sight of Castiel standing in the middle of the panic room. 'You came back,' he said as he approached the room.

Castiel nodded, forcing himself to smile despite the dark energies caressing his Grace. 'I thought that we could enjoy each other's company in private,' he replied.

Dean's grin widened. Cautiously, he lifted his hand and lightly touched Castiel's cheek. 'I thought I lost you,' he whispered.

Castiel closed his eyes and leaned into Dean's touch. 'For a moment, you did.' His breath caught as he found Dean's hands eagerly pulling at his clothing. Dean's corrupted Grace was stifling and more than a little overwhelming for Castiel. 'D-Dean…'

'Yeah?' Dean kissed his way down Castiel's jaw and neck.

'I…I wanted to try something…'

Dean halted and stared curiously at Castiel. 'Oh?' He poked at Castiel's Grace, trying to find any hint of what Castiel had in mind.

'Close your eyes,' Castiel said, leaving small, ghosting kisses on Dean's lips.

Dean searched Castiel's eyes for a clue, but came up empty. He sighed and closed his eyes. 'This had better be good,' he said. He let out a soft whine when Castiel pulled away.

'Stay there…'

Dean grunted and crossed his arms. He followed Castiel's path with his Grace, sending light promises of what he was going to do to the young angel.

'Dean,' Castiel warned, brushing Dean's Grace away, 'no peaking.'

Dean pulled his Grace back and tapped his foot. 'C'mon, man. Hurry up!'

There was the sound of a match being struck, and Dean's eyes flew open in time to see the edge of the circular room burst into bright flames. His breath came in shorts rasps as he slowly turned to face the open door. 'Castiel?'

Castiel looked away. 'Please forgive me,' he said softly. 'But this is for the best.'

Dean closed his eyes and clenched his fists. 'Holy oil, huh? Yeah… I understand. And…I…forgive you…'

'You won't feel that way in a few hours,' Castiel pointed out. He looked back at Dean and gave him a sad smile. 'I promise that I will be here when it's over.'

Dean laughed bitterly as he shook his head. 'Yeah…but you won't stick around to watch, will ya'?'

Castiel shifted uncomfortably. 'Do you wish me to stay?'

Shaking his head, Dean looked around the small room. It was completely void of the normal furniture. Why hadn't he noticed before? 'It ain't gonna be pretty. Last time I kicked the habit… I uh… I may have started the Crusades,' he said and gave Castiel a sheepish grin. He wiped the grin off his face when Castiel looked at him in disappointment. 'Sorry.'

Castiel sighed and crossed his arms.

.-.-.-.-.

Bobby fell against his desk as the house shook. 'The Hell was that?!'

Castiel appeared in the doorway, looking worse for the wear.

'Cas, you okay?' Sam asked.

Castiel shook his head and grabbed the doorframe for support as the house shook again. 'He…he's not himself right now,' he shakily replied.

'Is _he_ causing this? Feels like a damn earthquake!' Bobby said, catching a frame as it fell off the wall.

'I would not think him capable of this…but Seraphiel is…was one of Heaven's most powerful angels,' Castiel replied. 'I believe he will burn through the demonic energy quickly, but… I want him to be rid of all of it. The demons, the ghosts, the vampires…everything.'

'Didn't you do that before?' Sam asked as he righted a fallen lampstand.

Castiel shook his head. 'He depleted his reserves fighting me then… No, what I have in mind is a complete cleansing of his Grace.'

'Won't that make him unable to get past angel proofing?' Bobby asked. He stumbled as another jolt threw him off balance.

'Unfortunately, Dean will always be marked by his time in Hell and his sins,' Castiel replied. He cast his eyes downward and hugged himself with his wings. 'He is, essentially, part demon. That, I cannot change. But I _can_ remove the extra energies clouding his Grace. I think…he may be able to access Heaven's power.'

'What?!' Sam and Bobby stared at Castiel in shock.

'But… What about when he just got outta Hell?' Sam said. 'He wouldn't have had any monsters…'

'He needs to make the connection with his own power,' Castiel explained. 'When I brought him back, he fought me the entire way. I had thought he was just a particularly strong soul, but…' He shook his head and sighed. 'He had no power when I brought him back. Had he waited long enough… I believe he would have been able to reach Heaven's power…if he had cared to tried.'

'But he Fell. He was banished,' Sam pointed out.

'_I've_ Fallen,' Castiel replied. 'I have not been truly banished…not yet. But I can still feel Heaven's power through my Grace. I imagine it was the same for Anna. The path is still there, but…my power is severely limited to what I was capable of before.'

'But back at the storage… You took out those other angels and scared off Zachariah.'

Castiel pulled a face and shrugged. 'I was bluffing.'

The shaking subsided, and Bobby hesitantly replaced the frame on the wall. He thought better of it and set it on the floor. 'So how long's this gonna take?' he asked.

'Hours? Days? I don't know,' Castiel admitted. 'He…has the capacity for a lot of stored energy, and from what I could feel…he has been consuming every demon that has crossed his path.'

'That'd be about right,' Sam said with a bitter nod. 'That's why it took us twice as long to get here.'

Castiel sighed and moved further into the room. 'Then it will all depend on whether or not he conserves his energy.'

'Is there a way to make him burn through it more quickly?' Sam asked as he looked down the hallway to the door leading to the basement.

'Provoke him,' Castiel said, barely above a whisper. 'It won't take much. Just stand there… His Enochian is…quite colorful. A much older dialect than I am familiar with, but, from what I can make out, he is quite creative with the insults.' A hand settled on his shoulder and gave a light squeeze. He looked up to see Sam giving him a sympathetic look. 'I'll be fine.'

Bobby frowned as his gaze drifted to the hallway. 'So if we have someone down there at all times, this should go a lot quicker,' he said. 'And just how safe is that? If he can start a mini earthquake, who's to say he won't bring down the whole house?'

'That was actually the worst he is capable of,' Castiel replied. 'He was…quite angry with me.'

'All right, then we'll take it in turns,' Sam said, heading towards the basement door.

'Sam,' Casitel called out.

Sam stopped just short of the door and turned to face Castiel, waiting for the angel to continue.

'No matter what he says, no matter what he _does_, do _not_ extinguish the flames,' Castiel warned.

Sam nodded and headed down the stairs. He was not prepared for the sight that greeted him when he rounded the corner.

Dean sat, crouched over, on the floor in the center of flaming circle. He had removed his shirts and coat and had tossed them aside. His legs were crossed, and his hands rested loosely on his knees. They were covered in blood. He looked up when he heard a gasp and grinned at Sam.

Sam had a big heart. Sam didn't like to see others hurt. Sam was gullible.

Sam felt his stomach turn as Dean sat up straight, revealing the deep scratches across his stomach, chest, and sides. Bits of skin hung loosely, and blood dripped slowly down Dean's torso.

'Sammy,' Dean greeted. 'I think I hurt myself.'


End file.
